Sister is moving in with boyfriend... and his parents!

[eaputzer]

Hi everyone!
I have a problem with my younger sister (she’ll be 24 soon): Near the end of high school, whe got into hanging around with the “wrong” people, etc, and got into smoking pot and drinking a lot. I think she has stopped the drug use, but continues to drink. I think she is perpetually drunk, that is, she has some sort of alcohol in here system pretty much all of the day. I love her, but she continues to disappoint me and my parents (I think my brother is on his way to disappointment, too). Presently, she bartends/waitresses (great job for an alcoholic,huh?), and spends her free time either sleeping or at her boyfriend’s place. She lives with my parents and is only there to sleep more, eat, use the computer, change clothes or do her wash.
Recently, my mom gave her an ultimatum: either get into a treatment program (and document it), or get out of the house. --Now, this is actually the 2nd ultimatum, but I do give them credit for even doing it. I think she and my dad are finally reaching the breaking point. –
So the most recent news is that her boyfriend’s parents bought/built a new house and they’re putting a room in the basement and my sister is going to live there. I don’t know if it is her room or “their” room.
So I guess my question is: how do I tell her that she shouldn’t move in with him? My mom doesn’t seem to see a problem with that. I know that they have been “together” already, but I guess I don’t want her to get hurt or get into this situation where he is taking care of her (paying her tickets, parking and otherwise, her car plates are now in his name since the city took hers for not paying parking tickets)… she might get in too deep.
A month or so ago, I bought Jason Evert’s book “If You Really Loved Me,” but I haven’t seen her to give it to her. I also wanted to read it first but haven’t had the time (2 little ones, a husband, a house and a job). Maybe I’m procrastinating, maybe I’m scared. I’m not quite sure. But either way, I could use some advice… from anyone and everyone!
I’d also like to say that I tried to nicely send info about NFP and how contraceptions really work, and moral thoughts about that and it cost me 4 friends.
Thank you everyone for listening,
Beth

 

[Primitive]

Beth,
I would not do anything to her that would sound like preaching to her, but I would give her that “If you really loved me book”. And let her know that you are there for her without saying so. Maybe even just take her out to dinner (without the boyfriend or the mother) and let her know that she is appreciated, but don’t go party with her or anything since that may show acceptance of that lifestyle…

Also, try a novena with this prayer at the end maybe a rosary novena, or something everyday:
PRAYER TO ST. JOSEPH TO OBTAIN A CONVERSION

O GLORIOUS PATRIARCH St. Joseph, who merited to be called "just’ by the Holy Ghost, I urgently recommend to the soul of [Name], which Jesus redeemed at the price of His Precious Blood.
Thou knowest how deplorable is the state and how unhappy the life of those who have banished this loving Savior from their hearts, and how greatly they are exposed to the danger of losing Him eternally. Permit not, I beseech thee, that a soul so dear to me should continue any longer in its evil ways; preserve it from the danger that threatens it; touch the heart of the prodigal child and conduct him back to the bosom of the fondest of fathers. Abandon him not, I implore thee, till thou hast opened to him the gates of the Heavenly city, where he will praise and bless thee throughout eternity for the happiness which he will owe to thy powerful intercession. Amen.
And of course, substitute the word “he” for “she”.

I have run into this problem with friends often. Even without praying for them (before I prayed much)…I’ve noticed that if you don’t turn away from them and keep them interested in your life, they sort of start to take on some of your qualities…let them know you are a friend/sister, without actually saying anything…and if they ask why you are being so nice, the answer is always "because I care about you, etc…but never let on that you are demanding change forcefully…just let them know that you care…and be honest.
But now there IS prayer which can be a infinite assistance because someone much greater than us is working at the problem too.
It is not always easy to trust God in these things, because we want immediate results…God will not interfere with free will (unless we surrender ours to His), but He will help and the results will be there at the right time…be patient and pray and hope.
You should try to see if you can get your mother to pray with you too

 

[Lisa_N]

Sadly she is an adult and it doesn’t sound like she’s interested in anyone’s advice. Your parents were right to make the painful decision to quit helping her to continue in her self destructive behavior. If she has a drinking problem she won’t change based on begging or nagging. She will have to realize and acknowledge that alcohol is taking over her life. If that day comes, you can sure direct her to a good 12 Step Program. Many churches have them associated with or able to meet in the church. In the meantime pray.

Lisa N

 

[sarcophagus]

The problem here is that some unreligious people have no interest in the opinions of religious people and therefore don’t listen. I don’t think you can do anything to help her, she needs to find her own way…

 

[eaputzer]

Well, thank you everyone…

I think I’m going to get started reading that book (so at least I know what I’m giving her), and then give it to her the next time I see her.

I’ll keep up the prayers, etc.

And boy, don’t I know how people won’t listen when they don’t want to hear what you’re saying. But I think my sister isn’t as biggoted as some people I’ve dealt with.