Sister-n-Law brings boyfriend to Family Functions

[bapIN2000]

Read carefully Friends, this make take some to wrap your brain around.

My Brother and I (both Catholic), are married to Cousins. My Brother and his wife have decided to separate, and they now have New “Friends”. My Sister-n-Law, my wifes Cousin, keeps bringing her boyfriend to her Mothers house for our Family Getogethers. I have told them that Myself and my Family will not be attending as long as she wishes to bring that person.

Along with this, her Daughter, my niece, has been seeing a boy who has gotten her pregnant, given her drugs, and burglarized her Grandmothers home. They also wish to bring him to the same house that he burglarized for our Family Functions!! And this burglary happened a month ago.

I told them that we will have our Holidays at home as long as this practice continues. Am I jaded because she is my Brothers Wife? I have tried not to be. Now it is said that I am Judging.

Am I wrong? Any help on how to deal with this would be greatly appreciated.

 

[Hermione]

bapIN2000:

Read carefully Friends, this make take some to wrap your brain around.

My Brother and I (both Catholic), are married to Cousins. My Brother and his wife have decided to separate, and they now have New “Friends”. My Sister-n-Law, my wifes Cousin, keeps bringing her boyfriend to her Mothers house for our Family Getogethers. I have told them that Myself and my Family will not be attending as long as she wishes to bring that person.

Along with this, her Daughter, my niece, has been seeing a boy who has gotten her pregnant, given her drugs, and burglarized her Grandmothers home. They also wish to bring him to the same house that he burglarized for our Family Functions!! And this burglary happened a month ago.

I told them that we will have our Holidays at home as long as this practice continues. Am I jaded because she is my Brothers Wife? I have tried not to be. Now it is said that I am Judging.

Am I wrong? Any help on how to deal with this would be greatly appreciated.

Difficult situation.

The only thing I would worry about is if you’re depriving your wife and children from spending time with her parents, their grandparents etc.

How does your wife feel about this?

 

[cathologos]

Yes…a difficult situation.

I assume you’ve also told your brother that his…“friend”…is not welcome at your family gatherings? Is he OK with this?

 

[CanonAlberic]

The “boyfriend” thing wouldn’t bother me, in the interest of the family getting together for a holiday.
As far as the daughter’s thieving, scummy boyfriend goes however, I’d personally ask him to leave, and if he didn’t I’d grab the little craphound by the scruff of the neck and physically throw his arse out the door with a warning to never return. Just my 2 cents here, as I’ve been in a similar situation…

Peace (most of the time!)

 

[La_Chiara]

The “boyfriend thing” would bother me so I understand why you feel they way you do. I also have no problem with depriving the kids from contact with the family. Presumably, your kids, you, and your wife can get together with the relatives who live moral lifestyles at your house. You don’t need to discuss why you are limiting your interaction–everyone will know. Perhaps you will make some of the relatives think about why they tolerate sinful and immoral behavior, and about the mixed messages they are sending their children.

 

[Island_Oak]

bapIN2000:

… Now it is said that I am Judging.

Am I wrong?

It was high time somebody made some judgments and responded appropriately to your sister-in-law’s efforts to hijack the family peace, values and unity. Her behaviour is outrageous and you are well within your rights not only to tell her so, but to refuse to expose yourself and your family to her selfish demands. Clearly you can’t deny your wife access to her relatives, but you can certainly decline to attend family gatherings and pretend all’s well in the midst of the current chaos.

As for your niece–your brother should be encouraged to get re-involved with his daughter’s life. She sounds like the classic case of a teen acting out in the midst of family turmoil. Her judgment is clearly lacking and her dad needs to take some leadership–and I must admit, I favor CanonAlberic’s direct approach to dealing with her boyfriend!!

 

[bapIN2000]

My wife feels similarly. She feels very strongly about this as well. She has told her Parents that if they wish to see us on Holidays that are being held at that household, they can visit us later. Trying to explain to our position to them only seems to give them hurt feelings, but I’m sure they will get used to it, and realize that it is not them we are not wishing to around.

CanonAlberic: Those thoughts have crossed my mind on many an occassion. But it is not my household, and extricating him from the house would only place me in jail, since he has been invited. But boy! Have I had those feelings!

I have told my brother the same things, but for years we have always had our Family Holidays around my Wifes family, so I doubt we will come across the same issues.

After our decision at Easter, we have been challenged with the responses from her Family. I told them if my JUDGING means that I know how to tell WRONG from RIGHT, and that I can decide with WHOM I associate with, they are right. It’s funny how people who rarely go to church become very Religious, when they want something done their way.

 

[dhgray]

When my sister was living with her boyfriend she was invited to family functions but he was not…it was not hinted at - we just said, “He is not invited.” For 3 years, she refused to join in any family function. Then they got married and he was invited. AS for the neices boyfriend, I’d call the police on him…

 

[puzzleannie]

Hermione:

Difficult situation.

The only thing I would worry about is if you’re depriving your wife and children from spending time with her parents, their grandparents etc.

How does your wife feel about this?

there are many other occassions to spend time with grandparents, other than family gatherings with relatives who are giving a horrible example to your children. If you see the grandparents only at family gatherings, some attention should be paid to a better relationship there, in any case. Also take steps to protect them from the predator. If he stole from them after being invited into the house it is still a crime, theft not burglary. If he broke into the home and stole that is burglarly. Either way he should be reported to the police and prosecuted if there is evidence.

 

[La_Chiara]

bapIN2000:

It’s funny how people who rarely go to church become very Religious, when they want something done their way.

Ain’t that the truth! :bigyikes:

 

[bapIN2000]

puzzleannie:

Also take steps to protect them from the predator. If he stole from them after being invited into the house it is still a crime, theft not burglary. If he broke into the home and stole that is burglarly. Either way he should be reported to the police and prosecuted if there is evidence.

I didn’t realize the particulars of the word Burglary. But in any event the Police were called that day. Lies were told, truths leaked out. He just happened to brag to one of her girlfriends that day, and they made sure it was known to the Grandmother. Amazingly, she could not believe it. This was done with the Grandaughters help. I can’t protect what doesn’t wish to be protected.

I am very glad that this thread has gotten the response it has. We were feeling very alone in our ideas of this matter. Now I feel confident that we are doing the right thing. Sometimes it is good to make sure you are not letting negative feelings affect your judgement… Ooops, theres that word again :tiphat: