Sister or marriage?

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Kima

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Hi.

I´m a girl in my teens, soon turning 17. I´ve always thought of myself as someone that was going to get married and become the mother of a big family. Sometime during late February this year, the thought of religious life hit my mind. To some extent, I´ve been wanting to have a religious life as my vocation. On the other hand, I don´t want it at all. I like the thought of marriage and having kids, but I don´t know if I´m ever going to be comfortable with being so intimate with another human being. In addition to that, I also don´t know if I´m ever going to step up and find a guy to be with. In contrary, I don´t like the thought of leaving my family behind to go and be a sister or giving up on having a family of my own.

Either way, I´ve been discerning my vocation on and off for more than two months. I know the process takes its time, but I´d like to discuss what I´ve figured this far.

Any advice is welcomed 🙂
 
Kima said:
I like the thought of marriage and having kids, but I don´t know if I´m ever going to be comfortable with being so intimate with another human being. In addition to that, I also don´t know if I´m ever going to step up and find a guy to be with.
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DynamicCatholic.com has a study called Decision Point that I think is geared towards helping people make vocation decision. And they also have a study called Better Together to help those called to marriage.

I was called to Marriage. Honestly, I expected to be married by age 18, but didn’t meet my husband until I was 43 yrs old. Yikes! Intimacy (& complete lack of privacy) WAS totally awkward for like the first month or so, but now it’s like totally normal - you’ll get used to it so don’t worry.

If you discover you are called to Marriage and end up with a wait like me, I suggest doing Fostercare and hosting International Exchange Students during your wait as these experiences will help prepare you for motherhood, which is a huge piece of Married life.

Wish you the best during your discernment process!

PS - met my husband on CatholicMatch.com
 
I have no advice to offer, but I wanted to let you know that I’m praying for you in your discernment process.
 
Let time take its course.

I might have been a priest, but the first time I approached it I almost got married, and the second time I did marry. (although had I been Eastern at the time under the modern rules . . .).

Trust me, there are many men out there that actually want to find a woman who wants tor raise a large and religious family. You gals are hard to find, though 🙂

Not everyone is looking for a (well, I think I’ll leave this part out); they just get a lot more noise in todays mangled society.

Also, keep your mind and heart open . There are also saints who passed up the convent reluctantly, and raised small hordes of future sisters and priests . . .

hawk
 
Perhaps ask Saint Therese of Lisieux’s parents to pray for you.
Canonized saints, Zellie and Louis, both desired Religious life and Louis entered the seminary.
But they married, and so gave birth to one of the most loved Saints of last century. All their daughters entered and remained in convents.
May God guide you.
 
I understand what you are going through. I was discerning religious life for a while in high school. I always wanted to be a mother, but the physical intimacy did not sound very appealing to me. Religious life always seemed so beautiful, but I assure you it is also hard. So is any vocation. It is life.

I’m assuming you have had more exposure to marriage seeing it being lived at home and by most adults around you. It is natural to be attracted to marriage because that is the natural thing to do. It would be good to learn more about religious life. Read about the saints, read about religious life online through their websites and Catholic sites. Try to meet sisters if there are religious communities near you. See if there are any spiritualities or communities that you are attracted to also and maybe get in contact and visit.

Instead of focusing on discernment focus on your relationship with God. It is also important to grow spiritually and in your relationship with God. Have a consistent prayer life, frequent the sacraments, talk to a spiritual director if you can, read spiritual books. Try to live a disciplined life and try to make small mortifications. Make God the center of your life and cultivate strong devotion to Mary. If you focus on your relationship with God I’m sure in time God will reveal his will to you. Make sure to be open and to listen.

Remember it’s all about God. You will be happy doing whatever he wants. If you become a sister or nun you will get to give tour whole life to God and he will be your spouse, but religious life also brings its hardships. You may be lonely, you have much less freedom, you may not get to see your family as often.
 
Kima said:
I don´t know if I´m ever going to be comfortable with being so intimate with another human being. In addition to that, I also don´t know if I´m ever going to step up and find a guy to be with.
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My advice to you would be to remember that you are only 16 years old and that it is probably completely normal at that age to be worried about intimacy and how to meet a potential future life partner.

You say that you don’t know whether you are ‘ever going to step up and find a guy to be with’, but you are 16! You have had hardly any time in which to ‘find a guy to be with’. Even in Jane Austen’s time girls were not required to have found a husband by the age of 16. I think you need to go a little easier on yourself if you think that you’ve been slacking off if you haven’t been looking for a husband by the age of 16.

As for not being sure whether you’re ‘ever going to be comfortable with being so intimate with another human being’, you’re at a stage in your life where most people are struggling to become comfortable with themselves, let alone imagining being comfortable sharing their life with another person.

You don’t need to make any big decisions now. You don’t even need to make any big decisions within the next few years. You presumably have a year or two to go before you even finish school. What do you plan to do after that? If you plan to go to university that takes you up to the age of 21 or 22 or so. I think that before you begin to make decisions about your long-term future based on the concerns outlined in your post you need to wait until you are a fully mature and independent adult with some more experience of life. Then the answers will probably come to you rather more easily.
 
Thank you all!

I think it´s most likely that I end up doing marriage, but either way it´s good to actually find a vocation, not just choosing one out of the blue.
 
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The rule is “The holier you become, the more clear your vocation becomes, as well.” You are at a great age for focusing on becoming holy. Young people who start on this path with earnest typically fly very quickly because they don’t have a long lifetime of faults to overcome. Identify your faults, then start working on them one at a time. Spend time in prayer. Frequent the sacraments. Practice charity towards all, but especially in your home. (This is the hard one!) Become the child your parents will hate to lose. You may then find that the fog lifts a bit then you can discern a little better.
 
I´m a serious person for my age. I think it´s good to be on a steady ground like Catholicism. I appreciate having the Church and our Faith, without it, my life would have been way more empty.
Thank you for your advice! I will try to do so 🙂 God bless you!
 
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You can become the mother of a big family by the vacation of a religious.
 
LittleFlower378 said:
You can become the mother of a big family by the vacation of a religious.
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That is true.

I guess the greatest concern of mine, when thinking about religious life, is whether I´ll end up being lonely and miserable. It´s like I have this fear of choosing wrongly and regretting it.

I suppose I just need to give it time and find out what God wants for me.
 
When God as your one and only love, it would be hard to be lonely and miserable. I’m married and to be honest in my relationship with my wife I am alone and miserable right now. There are many difficult and unhappy marriages, so it’s no slam dunk. Prepare to carry a cross no matter what.
 
Thank you for sharing that. That was helpful! It´s really true that any vocation will have its ups and downs no matter which we have.
 
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You really just need to trust God, you will be happy when you are doing what he wants you to do. I am currently in the exact same situation as you are, I am 16 and am thinking about religious life. It also terrifies the living daylights out of me when I think about having to leave my family. I actually contacted several communities and that helped me. Go to confession,adoration, receive the Eucharist and pray to Our Lady. I am praying for you, feel free to message me if you want to talk about anything.
 
Thank you so much! It´s really comforting to know that it´s not just me feeling that way.
 
I’m 22 years old. Growing up I knew that i was going to be a religious sister. Then, my second year of college i met a catholic boy and fell in love. We planned on getting married and having a large family. Things happened and a few years later we broke up. That was the first and only time I saw myself maybe having a place in a marriage. Now i’m head over heels wanting to join the religious life again.

Personally, I think I am too young to be certain of my vocation even though i want to know right now. Pray about it. Maybe go to college and see what happens.
 
I honestly think it’s completely normal to think about going into an order. My mom did, I did before I was baptised and so did several other family members. But only 1 of all of us ended up in an order. My mom ended up marrying with 3 kids. I’m getting married and hoping to have a family soon. My point is don’t rush and pray that God will lead you to where you need to be at. I did watch a documentary that they let the 2 girls visit and shadow them. I’ll be praying for you
 
Not that a YouTube video may necessarily, ultimately help you decide, but I recently started a playlist of films on religious life that I’ve found fascinating. I’m a late-20s married lady & mom, but I love learning about religious life all the same. Anyway, here is the link to my playlist. I hope to add more to it. Maybe if you find yourself with some downtime, you’d like to watch some of them. They are pretty insightful.

May God bless you and guide you during your period of discernment!
 
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