T
TeresaBenedicta
Guest
Hi Regina Coeli,
I remember distinctly when I got my strongest call - that’s because I know now I was called in my mid/late teens but like a twit, I let the world get in the way! Anyway, I was crossing the street with my 2 kids (ages 11 & 8) and heard a “voice”. At the time I was thinking to myself “What was I going to do now?” I meant life and career-wise and I heard 3 times in response to my question (after I said “WHAT?!” twice!), “You will be my Spouse.”
So after thinking I was nuts and hearing voices and turning around and seeing no one around, and asking twice, something came over me and I knew it was Jesus. I started asking Him how could it be as I had the kids? He told me “Wait, not now I will prepare you”, and then I told Him I’d be to old and He said, “You will be perfect” - far from that! lol!
So to cut this thing short (I could go on longer!), just to prove myself wrong (& God?!), I contacted a few Carmels because I am pretty much sure I will be going to Carmel (though I am visiting others), I didn’t write that I was 34 but wrote saying I was 45 or so and about 4-5 out of 7-8 I wrote too were positive and encouraging. At the time I didn’t mention kids, just age. So some orders will take older age but say “NO” to having been married and having kids - most cloistered Dominicans except Menlo Park and a few Carmels.
I also was sent from God - because one mid week mass I sat in a pew that was empty of people and anything else and when I came back from communion there was a Sunday Visitor paper open to a full page story called “Grandmother Enters the Cloister” - I had just been thinking by the time I am old enough and free to enter, no one will take me and here’s this article!
So I wrote on and off during by 14 yr wait to various monasteries and a few active just to make sure I wasn’t called there and doing my own will in looking at monasteries, but I DO have a monastic vocation.
The orders I contacted gave different anwsers - some said no to all the concerns (age, kids, marriage/divorce/annulment) and others said keep in touch or write back when you are free. So it depends. I started to seriously and actively look about 4-5 years ago, the kids were still young and I was still waiting on my annulment but just about all the orders were open to communicating and praying for me for a fast annulment and encouraged writing and visiting if I could. I am now just waiting to sell my blasted house! Aargh!
The bias and even prejudice in some places I found is so ridiculous! The few abbesses/prioresses I found in the US and all the overseas ones ALL said they did NOT to tell God “no” by turning away vocations! They say if God calls older than who are they to turn them away! That’s a mighty thing to stand before God and try to explain why you rejected women of older age. Now if they have bad health or mental problems that’s a no brainer but when all else is sound and they have a vocation…I wouldn’t want to be them!
The only active orders I looked seriously (when I was making sure I wasn’t an active vocation) were the Hawthorne Dominicans (see my post with links and a relative who was one in that thread some started on Hawthorne Dominicans - they take up to 50 or a bit older. Also the Carmelites of the Most Sacred Heart of LA - but they are firm with their age of 35 - which is crazy because if a CLOISTERED Carmel will take you, why not an active when a cloister is often more demanding physically and especially mentally! And there were 2-3 others but as they don’t go past the age you are now I won’t bother giving you their links!
Are you teaching, nursing or what active - if you know? If you like the Hawthorne Dominicans but aren’t a nurse, that is ok because they will send you to college to become one or you can just stay a nurse’s aid or help feed the patients or do activities or do the other work like office, family interface, cooking, etc. You DON’T already have to be a nurse for them! I thought I saw that St. Cecelia’s teaching Dominicans might make exceptions? I’m not sure though - I know I did see that for one of the teaching orders but I am not a teacher so I didn’t pay all that much attention!
Don’t let any one, even a religious sister dissuade you! I have had some tell me in response to an email or letter to go become a 3rd order! I WAS a third order Carmelite even said so in my letter and
wrote that it was NOT enough and that I had a monastic vocation.
Also, I have had a problem getting a good spiritual director - especially diocese priests because as they ARE monastic, they often can’t understand or relate to monastic vocations - them understanding active vocation may be easier for you, but don’t be surprised if they try to knock you down due to your age! Even nicely, many don’t understand that either. There are goods but it may take checking. Don’t let them make you second guess.
I have had this experience and many priests, abbesses and prioresses have told me this and that the devil hates vocations and can get to you even through priests! Keep looking for a good one. I would also stick with priests and not sister spiritual directors and DEFINITELY lay people spiritual directors (SDs)! The sisters might be ok for direction if you had no vocation but not for a vocation and NOT with a lay person! My parish has a few month program for lay people to become SDs! There’s just no way a lay person can guide you thru a monastic or active vocation! Also most orders that ask for a reference letter to visit or enter with them want it from a priest anyway.
I have a good friend who entered a Carmel in the UK at 57 and was just solemnly professed and is such a holy woman and she had many priests and other prioresses tell her she had NO vocation! She is happy, holy and so full of joy! So these people CAN be wrong.
Also if you haven’t told your family or friends, I wouldn’t at all until you got closer to being able to leave. Unless you have a real good friend who is either discerning or maybe had discerned in the past OR you really think they won’t tell others or try to talk you out of it. I have had many prioresses/abbesses and some good priests give me this same advice and the same advice was given to many saints like St. Teresa of the Andes, Carmelite. If you are new or in the early part of your vocation or just recently discovered you have one, it can be easily lost by “well meaning” people who don’t and can’t understand as they have no vocation or may have a grudge or misconception about the church or religious life.
My family and kids are pretty good with it now though I know they won’t be ecstatic when it’s time for me to go. My kids are 25 and 22 and very independent - actually their whole life so God has worked on them too!
It is your life, when the kids are older and independent even the Church recognizes your freedom to enter - as long as you have no debt, dependent children or parents, etc. and your health suits the order’s requirements, etc. You have to think that your parents or kids or friends can’t dictate what you do with you life while THEY go on living their lives the way the wish. THEY are being the selfish ones if they don’t want you to go and follow your call when if you do have one and enter and you are so happy, joyous and all why wouldn’t they want your happiness?
There have been MANY saints and blesseds who were mothers and entered monasteries or active orders. Some are: St. Jane de Chantal, co-foundress of the Visitation order, she had 2-3 kids; Bl. Mary of the Incarnation, Carmelite nun (also known as Madame Acarie and brought Carmel to France in the 1600s) had 7 kids!; St. Clare of Assisi’s mother who became Sr. Ortolana, entered her daughter’s order and left her youngest daughter at 16 with family and St. Clare, St. Francis NOR the church said “no you can’t do that!” and so many more. So it is NOT a new or novel idea.
I am writing the Colwich Abbey Benedictines in the UK and they have a mother or two in their now. Are you semi-active like Benedictines where you can help with retreats at the monastery and with Colwich a few sisters do this but you can visit family in the parlor or walk the grounds with them and even leave to go home for extreme emergencies while other monasteries you can’t.
Well, I suppose it would be better to write privately if you like - you can write me at jmjtcarmelite@gmail.com - as I can write about this for ever!
Mary
I remember distinctly when I got my strongest call - that’s because I know now I was called in my mid/late teens but like a twit, I let the world get in the way! Anyway, I was crossing the street with my 2 kids (ages 11 & 8) and heard a “voice”. At the time I was thinking to myself “What was I going to do now?” I meant life and career-wise and I heard 3 times in response to my question (after I said “WHAT?!” twice!), “You will be my Spouse.”
So after thinking I was nuts and hearing voices and turning around and seeing no one around, and asking twice, something came over me and I knew it was Jesus. I started asking Him how could it be as I had the kids? He told me “Wait, not now I will prepare you”, and then I told Him I’d be to old and He said, “You will be perfect” - far from that! lol!
So to cut this thing short (I could go on longer!), just to prove myself wrong (& God?!), I contacted a few Carmels because I am pretty much sure I will be going to Carmel (though I am visiting others), I didn’t write that I was 34 but wrote saying I was 45 or so and about 4-5 out of 7-8 I wrote too were positive and encouraging. At the time I didn’t mention kids, just age. So some orders will take older age but say “NO” to having been married and having kids - most cloistered Dominicans except Menlo Park and a few Carmels.
I also was sent from God - because one mid week mass I sat in a pew that was empty of people and anything else and when I came back from communion there was a Sunday Visitor paper open to a full page story called “Grandmother Enters the Cloister” - I had just been thinking by the time I am old enough and free to enter, no one will take me and here’s this article!
So I wrote on and off during by 14 yr wait to various monasteries and a few active just to make sure I wasn’t called there and doing my own will in looking at monasteries, but I DO have a monastic vocation.
The orders I contacted gave different anwsers - some said no to all the concerns (age, kids, marriage/divorce/annulment) and others said keep in touch or write back when you are free. So it depends. I started to seriously and actively look about 4-5 years ago, the kids were still young and I was still waiting on my annulment but just about all the orders were open to communicating and praying for me for a fast annulment and encouraged writing and visiting if I could. I am now just waiting to sell my blasted house! Aargh!
The bias and even prejudice in some places I found is so ridiculous! The few abbesses/prioresses I found in the US and all the overseas ones ALL said they did NOT to tell God “no” by turning away vocations! They say if God calls older than who are they to turn them away! That’s a mighty thing to stand before God and try to explain why you rejected women of older age. Now if they have bad health or mental problems that’s a no brainer but when all else is sound and they have a vocation…I wouldn’t want to be them!
The only active orders I looked seriously (when I was making sure I wasn’t an active vocation) were the Hawthorne Dominicans (see my post with links and a relative who was one in that thread some started on Hawthorne Dominicans - they take up to 50 or a bit older. Also the Carmelites of the Most Sacred Heart of LA - but they are firm with their age of 35 - which is crazy because if a CLOISTERED Carmel will take you, why not an active when a cloister is often more demanding physically and especially mentally! And there were 2-3 others but as they don’t go past the age you are now I won’t bother giving you their links!
Are you teaching, nursing or what active - if you know? If you like the Hawthorne Dominicans but aren’t a nurse, that is ok because they will send you to college to become one or you can just stay a nurse’s aid or help feed the patients or do activities or do the other work like office, family interface, cooking, etc. You DON’T already have to be a nurse for them! I thought I saw that St. Cecelia’s teaching Dominicans might make exceptions? I’m not sure though - I know I did see that for one of the teaching orders but I am not a teacher so I didn’t pay all that much attention!
Don’t let any one, even a religious sister dissuade you! I have had some tell me in response to an email or letter to go become a 3rd order! I WAS a third order Carmelite even said so in my letter and
wrote that it was NOT enough and that I had a monastic vocation.
Also, I have had a problem getting a good spiritual director - especially diocese priests because as they ARE monastic, they often can’t understand or relate to monastic vocations - them understanding active vocation may be easier for you, but don’t be surprised if they try to knock you down due to your age! Even nicely, many don’t understand that either. There are goods but it may take checking. Don’t let them make you second guess.
I have had this experience and many priests, abbesses and prioresses have told me this and that the devil hates vocations and can get to you even through priests! Keep looking for a good one. I would also stick with priests and not sister spiritual directors and DEFINITELY lay people spiritual directors (SDs)! The sisters might be ok for direction if you had no vocation but not for a vocation and NOT with a lay person! My parish has a few month program for lay people to become SDs! There’s just no way a lay person can guide you thru a monastic or active vocation! Also most orders that ask for a reference letter to visit or enter with them want it from a priest anyway.
I have a good friend who entered a Carmel in the UK at 57 and was just solemnly professed and is such a holy woman and she had many priests and other prioresses tell her she had NO vocation! She is happy, holy and so full of joy! So these people CAN be wrong.
Also if you haven’t told your family or friends, I wouldn’t at all until you got closer to being able to leave. Unless you have a real good friend who is either discerning or maybe had discerned in the past OR you really think they won’t tell others or try to talk you out of it. I have had many prioresses/abbesses and some good priests give me this same advice and the same advice was given to many saints like St. Teresa of the Andes, Carmelite. If you are new or in the early part of your vocation or just recently discovered you have one, it can be easily lost by “well meaning” people who don’t and can’t understand as they have no vocation or may have a grudge or misconception about the church or religious life.
My family and kids are pretty good with it now though I know they won’t be ecstatic when it’s time for me to go. My kids are 25 and 22 and very independent - actually their whole life so God has worked on them too!
It is your life, when the kids are older and independent even the Church recognizes your freedom to enter - as long as you have no debt, dependent children or parents, etc. and your health suits the order’s requirements, etc. You have to think that your parents or kids or friends can’t dictate what you do with you life while THEY go on living their lives the way the wish. THEY are being the selfish ones if they don’t want you to go and follow your call when if you do have one and enter and you are so happy, joyous and all why wouldn’t they want your happiness?
There have been MANY saints and blesseds who were mothers and entered monasteries or active orders. Some are: St. Jane de Chantal, co-foundress of the Visitation order, she had 2-3 kids; Bl. Mary of the Incarnation, Carmelite nun (also known as Madame Acarie and brought Carmel to France in the 1600s) had 7 kids!; St. Clare of Assisi’s mother who became Sr. Ortolana, entered her daughter’s order and left her youngest daughter at 16 with family and St. Clare, St. Francis NOR the church said “no you can’t do that!” and so many more. So it is NOT a new or novel idea.
I am writing the Colwich Abbey Benedictines in the UK and they have a mother or two in their now. Are you semi-active like Benedictines where you can help with retreats at the monastery and with Colwich a few sisters do this but you can visit family in the parlor or walk the grounds with them and even leave to go home for extreme emergencies while other monasteries you can’t.
Well, I suppose it would be better to write privately if you like - you can write me at jmjtcarmelite@gmail.com - as I can write about this for ever!
Mary