Situation not getting better

[Stac4Grace]

Hi everyone. I want to thank all of you who responded to my previous posts and to all who have prayed for me and my family, it is very much appreciated and needed. We are still having problems with my MIL and we are at a loss. We do not wish to disrespect her in any way but we are really bothered by her putting us down, making nasty comments to us, bragging about all the money she has and making comments about us not having very much and having her friends spy on us. I know that sounds weird but it’s all true. I thought your parents were supposed to want what was best for their children. It’s almost like she’s upset because my husband is happily married with children and we’re trying to be decent Catholics. It’s like she wishes he wasn’t doing any good like his brother and sister. We are constantly on edge every time we see her. I know your probably saying look what Jesus went through and I understand but his mother didn’t treat him badly. We should not have to be put on nerve medication because something his mom is doing to us, that doesn’t make sense. I was recently diagnosed with high blood pressure and I’m supposed to avoid any added stress but how is that possible? We feel as if she is trying to break our marriage up. We love her and want her to treat us with the same respect we give her but we’re in a lose lose situation here. Please continue to pray for us as we need all the prayers we can get. Thanks in advance for any comments or advice you may have for us. God bless you all

 

[dhgray]

HI Stac,

I had the same problem with my MIL. She was always comparing the children. “This one has a bigger house than you, that one makes more money. etc”

I had to put my foot down, with love and respect and told her that this was our life and that if she did not like it, she was free to go.

Good Luck.

 

[Della]

Your husband is going to have to tell her that she is welcome in your home, but only if she respects how you have decided to live your lives and doesn’t try to interfere with that or your marriage. She doesn’t sound like the kind of person who would take hints.

She shouldn’t be allowed to go on emotionally blackmailing you folks into allowing her to run over your feelings or disrupt your lives.

Your husband has to be the one to do it even though she will blame you and threaten him with whatever she thinks he will kowtow to. But, he can’t let her get away with this behavior any more.

It’s bad for all of you, but especially for your children. Your husband simply has to choose to support you and your life together by telling his mother what she can and cannot say and do in your home, including eliminating her spy network.

 

[Giannawannabe]

Hi Stacy. I’m so sorry you’re continuing to have trouble with your MIL. I think the key is to stop hoping that she’ll be different. It’s taken me so long to come around to that way of thinking with my mother. I’m beginning to have some peace with my whole situation. Your MIL is meant to be pitied. She can not be happy, truly happy. You can though. The only way is to set firm boundaries and let her live in her miserable way. Do NOT expect change in her. She does not see any reason to change. She thinks everyone was put here to please her. Joy comes from within not from without. It is difficult to come to grips with the spying and the gossiping she is doing with her friends about you. I have discovered that my mother’s “friends” also have problems with her. When they meet me and my family, they actually wonder what in the world all of the complaining is about. My mother is different to each and every person she meets…she is able to sum up what the other person wants her to be and then that is how she acts. It’s actually quite amusing seeing the different “acts” with her church friends vs. the family vs. her neighbors etc. Try to stand firm. Be charitable when dealing with her, otherwise let her be her own worst enemy. Know that you have done your best with her…it will NEVER be enough. You have your own family to think about.

Of course, pray, pray, pray for her. That is the most loving thing you can do.

God Bless
Giannawannabe

 

[Tietjen]

Talk it over with your husband as to how committed he is to having peace in the family. Is he willing to break ties with his mother if she refuses to stop? The most important thing for you two is YOUR family. Other relatives, who live outside your home, come AFTER those who reside in your home. Protect them and yourselves. If this means that you spend Thanksgiving alone or with friends instead of MIL so be it. MIL needs to respect your family, and if she refuses to do that, you are left with only two options:

1. Put up with it
2. Separate yourselves from her
   You certainly cannot change her if she does not want to be changed. All you will end up doing is frustrating yourselves. I will say a prayer for you, and you two put your foot down.
   God bless.