Skin cancer and delaying pregnancy

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My husband and I love our family life with our toddler, and you can’t even imagine how excited we are to add to our family with more children. We’d been delaying because I was a bit chubby after the last baby and my blood pressure had been a bit high, but I took the bull by the horns and got everything back to a very healthy place. In fact, we were all set to start trying after my next gynecologist appointment coming up very soon. Then I found a mole and had it removed. It was melanoma.

It’s melanoma in situ, so it’s perfectly curable by excision. I don’t fear for my life from this particular mole, but I do fear a recurrence - which is common enough that I’ll need to be checked by a dermatologist every six months for the rest of my life. Because 75% of all recurrences are in the first two years, they often tell women to wait two years before having another child. Some studies show that pregnancy has no effect on melanoma, but detractors of that stance say that the studies aren’t big enough to use for conclusions. Having been a professional researcher, I tend to understand the latter point of view. Scientifically, there is no good answer. Melanoma is a cancer that flourishes in immunosuppressed states, and pregnancy is one such state; it’s not a great situation, biologically.

Spiritually, I’m a mess. If I had no children, I know that I would take the risk to become a mother. Having received the gift of a precious little one, though, I’m more reluctant to risk cancer. One minute I think, “Waiting these years is your cross, and you need to be wise and responsible - and furthermore, don’t be ungrateful for the wonderful little boy you have!” The next minute I look at the cradle we haven’t bothered to put away because we thought we’d be filling it soon and I think, “Say yes to life, don’t live mired in fear of death because you won’t find God there. Whatever happens, all shall be well.” I don’t think that either answer is morally wrong, for the record - and I think this qualifies as a ‘grave reason’ to delay pregnancy - but that almost makes it harder.

My husband would never push me to have a baby if I were scared for my life, but I know he wants another baby soon so very much.

I will pray about this, and I will pray that the Holy Spirit somehow illuminates this for me, but is anyone who wants to spare some wisdom I would be most grateful to hear it! I am a convert without a lot of Catholic friends or family.
 
Ultimately, as you know, the decision to avoid pregnancy is between God, you and your husband. I will pray that you and your husband can come to the best decision for your family. I’m sorry you had a bout with cancer, I will also pray for your health.

That being said, I don’t necessarily think it would be morally wrong to delay pregnancy for at least another year or two, assuming also that you will be getting regular check ups.

I say this as someone who has developed bone cancer during pregnancy (I’m not married and I didn’t have skin cancer, but I think my point is still relevant).

I had 10 months of chemo in 2012. My tumor was removed in June of that same year. It was 95% dead. That’s the best response my doctors have ever seen. After I finished chemo in January of 2013, I developed a local tumor around May (in the same spot as the initial tumor) which is kind of odd. It was removed surgically in July. I was in remission (no evidence of disease) with regular check ups until April of this current year, 9 months later. The cancer has spread to my lungs. I’m currently undergoing chemo. If this isn’t Purgatory already for me I sure as he** don’t want to end up in Purgatory when this is all over.

My point of sharing my story is that yes, one never knows what could happen in the future. You may be perfectly cancer free for many years to come or for forever and so having a baby within the next two years might not be an issue at all. But the cancer could certainly return and according to what you mentioned about the 75% statistic, getting pregnant within the first year or two could place a significant risk on your health and future.

At the end of the day, I trust that the Holy Spirit will guide your family. God certainly knows your future. Waiting two years to get pregnant will not be without it’s heartache and its difficulties but, two years can go by rather quickly. But that might not be an issue anyway. I hope I didn’t scare you with my story. I was just hoping it would help. God bless you sister in Christ.
 
I have several family members who have recurrent melinoma. My step-father has to get cancers cut off of him twice a year. I wouldn’t let it stop me from having another baby, but maybe your situation is more severe. I think it’s reasonable to wait two years, if that’s what your doctor recommends, but I’d want to know what will happen in two years if I had more cancers. I don’t think I would be willing to put off having more babies indefinatelly over skin cancers.
 
Paperwhites said:
My husband and I love our family life with our toddler, and you can’t even imagine how excited we are to add to our family with more children. We’d been delaying because I was a bit chubby after the last baby and my blood pressure had been a bit high, but I took the bull by the horns and got everything back to a very healthy place. In fact, we were all set to start trying after my next gynecologist appointment coming up very soon. Then I found a mole and had it removed. It was melanoma.

It’s melanoma in situ, so it’s perfectly curable by excision. I don’t fear for my life from this particular mole, but I do fear a recurrence - which is common enough that I’ll need to be checked by a dermatologist every six months for the rest of my life. Because 75% of all recurrences are in the first two years, they often tell women to wait two years before having another child. Some studies show that pregnancy has no effect on melanoma, but detractors of that stance say that the studies aren’t big enough to use for conclusions. Having been a professional researcher, I tend to understand the latter point of view. Scientifically, there is no good answer. Melanoma is a cancer that flourishes in immunosuppressed states, and pregnancy is one such state; it’s not a great situation, biologically.

Spiritually, I’m a mess. If I had no children, I know that I would take the risk to become a mother. Having received the gift of a precious little one, though, I’m more reluctant to risk cancer. One minute I think, “Waiting these years is your cross, and you need to be wise and responsible - and furthermore, don’t be ungrateful for the wonderful little boy you have!” The next minute I look at the cradle we haven’t bothered to put away because we thought we’d be filling it soon and I think, “Say yes to life, don’t live mired in fear of death because you won’t find God there. Whatever happens, all shall be well.” I don’t think that either answer is morally wrong, for the record - and I think this qualifies as a ‘grave reason’ to delay pregnancy - but that almost makes it harder.

My husband would never push me to have a baby if I were scared for my life, but I know he wants another baby soon so very much.

I will pray about this, and I will pray that the Holy Spirit somehow illuminates this for me, but is anyone who wants to spare some wisdom I would be most grateful to hear it! I am a convert without a lot of Catholic friends or family.
Click to expand...
Praying to St. Peregrine for your health & recovery. Praying for the intentions of you & your family.
 
My mother had melanoma, so I hate to see anyone having to deal with this disease (no matter what stage). I don’t have any good advice in your particular situation, but you will be in my prayers.
 
I don’t wish to minimise your concerns, but two years is not a long time in the overall scheme of things. Your child is a toddler now, so waiting another couple of years before having (or starting for) another child is not a big concern IMO. We have four children, and there is a little over 5 years age difference between the first two. If you were my wife, I’d be listeneing to the doctors advice.

You know that either option is morally sound, and you seem to be well aware of the medical issues at hand. I’m sure you and your husband will work through these issues sensibly over the next couple of years. Keep in mind you don’t have to decide anything in particular right now, and can keep reviewing this over time.

God bless.
 
I’ll pray for you. I don’t think that 2 years is a long time to wait. Your toddler needs a healthy mother and so will any future children. God bless.
 
I don’t have any advice, but I just wanted to say that you are absolutely correct: either option is a moral option, whether you wait or proceed, and that you do have a grave reason for delaying pregnancy. It seems like here you are experiencing a common human trial, the battle between your head and your heart. But for you, everything is amplified, the risks, the rewards, the potential for suffering. So all I can offer you are my prayers, that whatever choice you and your husband make, that you will be in accord and you will have peace about it.
And I just want to say, thank you for sharing your story with us, because I think it is a beautiful witness to what it looks like when a person knows their faith and really strives to live it out. God bless your family!
 
Paperwhites said:
My husband and I love our family life with our toddler, and you can’t even imagine how excited we are to add to our family with more children. We’d been delaying because I was a bit chubby after the last baby and my blood pressure had been a bit high, but I took the bull by the horns and got everything back to a very healthy place. In fact, we were all set to start trying after my next gynecologist appointment coming up very soon. Then I found a mole and had it removed. It was melanoma.

It’s melanoma in situ, so it’s perfectly curable by excision. I don’t fear for my life from this particular mole, but I do fear a recurrence - which is common enough that I’ll need to be checked by a dermatologist every six months for the rest of my life. Because 75% of all recurrences are in the first two years, they often tell women to wait two years before having another child. Some studies show that pregnancy has no effect on melanoma, but detractors of that stance say that the studies aren’t big enough to use for conclusions. Having been a professional researcher, I tend to understand the latter point of view. Scientifically, there is no good answer. Melanoma is a cancer that flourishes in immunosuppressed states, and pregnancy is one such state; it’s not a great situation, biologically.

Spiritually, I’m a mess. If I had no children, I know that I would take the risk to become a mother. Having received the gift of a precious little one, though, I’m more reluctant to risk cancer. One minute I think, “Waiting these years is your cross, and you need to be wise and responsible - and furthermore, don’t be ungrateful for the wonderful little boy you have!” The next minute I look at the cradle we haven’t bothered to put away because we thought we’d be filling it soon and I think, “Say yes to life, don’t live mired in fear of death because you won’t find God there. Whatever happens, all shall be well.” I don’t think that either answer is morally wrong, for the record - and I think this qualifies as a ‘grave reason’ to delay pregnancy - but that almost makes it harder.

My husband would never push me to have a baby if I were scared for my life, but I know he wants another baby soon so very much.

I will pray about this, and I will pray that the Holy Spirit somehow illuminates this for me, but is anyone who wants to spare some wisdom I would be most grateful to hear it! I am a convert without a lot of Catholic friends or family.
Click to expand...
Nothing in the future is certain, we just can’t count on it. So if you want another child, go ahead. A few years of happiness is pure gold.

Linus2nd
 
Linusthe2nd said:
Nothing in the future is certain, we just can’t count on it. So if you want another child, go ahead. A few years of happiness is pure gold.

Linus2nd
Click to expand...
I was all for advising the OP to wait until I read your post. You’re right. I’ve lost friends and family to cancer, suicide, murder, heart attacks, etc. I am under 40 and literally have more close friends and close family members dead than living. The majority of them died very unexpectedly and young. We tend to think we have two more years, but the truth is we have no idea how much time we have left. None of us, young or old, know when we’ll be taken from this life.

Would I wait two years if I wanted another child with a chance cancer could maybe come back? No. Because I don’t know if I have two more years. For all I’d know, I’d be worrying about cancer and die in a car wreck. I’d live my life just as I would have without the melanoma and I’d go ahead and TTC. I’d pray and I’d make sure I was closely monitored, but I’d live my life.
 
Thank you all *so much. * All of your answers were so kind; I really felt as if I were among friends. How wonderful that strangers would take time out of their days to hear my suffering and help me muddle through! I thank God for our Church and the faithful people in it.

My conscience is leaning strongly towards waiting. We went through infertility before we had our baby, an experience that made me let go of my hope of becoming a mother of a great big family as I had once taken for granted. All life is a miracle, but I felt uniquely blessed by my child because he was conceived, it turned out, the week my father died suddenly, after having quit fertility drugs. He was the child I longed for, a gift during suffering, so if he’s all I get to have, he is enough. Some of your words reminded me that two years goes by in a flash, and that helps me move on. I can also use those years to focus on getting even more healthy to prepare, I pray, for more children. Maybe next time around I can bounce back faster, and have another pregnancy in a shorter time after.

I might get pregnant unintentionally, though, and I know that I can rejoice in that despite fear if it happens, thanks to advice from a different perspective that some of you gave. Both views, along with the prayers, are so appreciated.
 
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