Snobby and/or envy

[argon091076]

My 3 yr. old is in t-ball and I have a bad feeling about some parents there. They are either snobby or envious of something…

I tell them hello and some answer forcefully or others won’t even respond. I get looks of like anger or they just don’t look at me at all.

The thing is that it has been getting worst because, at first, I thought that maybe since it was all new for us and we did not know them that maybe it was because of that. However, it has been a while now (2months) and they are still acting the same.

I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to feel this way whenever I am around them. My mouth gets dry just to be around them and I dread to go to the practices or games when I know that the people I know won’t make it.

It is weird. I don’t want to feel like this. What should I do?

Anyone, please advice.

 

[leonie]

The only advice I can give is to send your Guardian angel to their Guardian Angel to smooth the way.

And, you should silently consecrate them to the Immaculate Heart of Mary.

 

[argon091076]

Leonie,

Thank you! I will do because this is really uncomfortable. It is a feeling of being “unwelcome”. Don’t get me wrong, they are not all like that. I would say that out of the 20 parents about there are 5 that I can think of that are like that. Some are super sweet and friendly.

I do feel that it is just with me with one particular parent because I saw her chit chatting with one of my friends (who happens to be the parent of one of the children in the team) and as soon as I approached them, I noticed that she stayed quiet and when I began to kind of chit chat with them, my friend was listening, however, the lady was just blowing me off even though I was talking to her, too.

I feel like if I am back in high school. I had similar situations there, too. I would just keep away from them.

I will definitely pray for them.

 

[Linda_Marie]

I had a big problem with T-ball when my kids were little and wanted to play. They signed up at school and there were so many kids wanting to play that they had to form some new teams. When I went to get the uniform, they gave me pieces that had been cut out, but not yet sewn together - I had to do that, despite paying $70 for it - and I had to hand it back at the end of the year. First strike against them.

Next, the rules kept changing week to week. This was due in part to the softball-playing mums who volunteered to umpire not realizing that it was baseball rules not softball. Then the diamonds were too close together for all the teams that played on a Saturday morning and if a child managed not only to hit the ball, but belt it into next week or rather onto another playing field, it was called a strike, even though it would have been fair if the other playing field hadn’t been too close. This was very disheartening for the kids.

I never really got along with the other mums there to watch but the last straw for me was one of the fathers marched out onto the field and yelled at his 4 year old son for missing a catch (and I mean, he screamed at him). I let the kids finish the season, but they never signed up for it again. I think they were just as fed up with it as I was but I also discouraged them gently from playing another season and encouraged them to join another sport. For the next 4 years they played soccer. The soccer parents seemed to be a different breed.

I would ignore the snobby parents. You are not there for them. You are there for your child. If they don’t want to talk to you, that is their problem. Just support your 3 year old so that he/she has a good time and look for another sport for your little one to play next year.

 

[argon091076]

the last straw for me was one of the fathers marched out onto the field and yelled at his 4 year old son for missing a catch (and I mean, he screamed at him).

I have seen this, too and believe me, I feel so sad my eyes just get full with tears…

 

[1ke]

Two things:

Why do you care what these people do, say, or don’t say? It’s not high school and you don’t have to be friends with them or get them to like you. Always be gracious, be nice, and then it’s their problem if they want to be jerks. They are the ones with the problem, not you. If there are 5 parents being rude, then there are 15 being nice. Hang with the 15 and ignore the 5.

Secondly, I just want to point out-- it’s not about you. T-ball is for your kid. Just go out there and cheer your heart out for your kid and ignore the rest.

These are not your friends and you are not obligated to become friends with them.

 

[puzzleannie]

welcome to the world of competitive sports for children. get used to it, just wait til he is old enough for Little League, it will be like representing an undeveloped nation in the UN.

 

[argon091076]

Two things:

Why do you care what these people do, say, or don’t say? It’s not high school and you don’t have to be friends with them or get them to like you. Always be gracious, be nice, and then it’s their problem if they want to be jerks. They are the ones with the problem, not you. If there are 5 parents being rude, then there are 15 being nice. Hang with the 15 and ignore the 5.

Secondly, I just want to point out-- it’s not about you. T-ball is for your kid. Just go out there and cheer your heart out for your kid and ignore the rest.

These are not your friends and you are not obligated to become friends with them.

Thank you! You got a great point here…

 

[argon091076]

welcome to the world of competitive sports for children. get used to it, just wait til he is old enough for Little League, it will be like representing an undeveloped nation in the UN.

Oh my goodness!!

I will pray so that it does not get worst…

 

[TOMFULLREE]

When I face these sorts of situations, I remind myself that there can be a couple of things going on, none of which have anything to do with me or my behavior.

1. Some people are immature and truly never leave the high school mentality and do indeed snub new people.
2. Some people are not socially adept and come across as unfriendly or rude.
3. Some people have other things going on in their life that makes them pre-occupied.
4. Some people do buy into the uber-parent mentality, live through their children, obsess about their performance and playing time. Consequently, you and your kid are not people but rivals.

 

[jrabs]

When I face these sorts of situations, I remind myself that there can be a couple of things going on, none of which have anything to do with me or my behavior.

1. Some people are immature and truly never leave the high school mentality and do indeed snub new people.
2. Some people are not socially adept and come across as unfriendly or rude.
3. Some people have other things going on in their life that makes them pre-occupied.
4. Some people do buy into the uber-parent mentality, live through their children, obsess about their performance and playing time. Consequently, you and your kid are not people but rivals.

Good insight. Also good advice by 1Ke. Move past trying to have these people like you. Who cares. Go and enjoy your child and if you happen to make an acquaintance along the way - cool.

But that is not why you are at t-ball.

It’s like going to work and expecting to make friends their. It is not the function of the workplace to be your supply of friends, however if a friendship happens along the way, consider it a fringe benefit. Same thing here.

 

[LSK]

My 3 yr. old is in t-ball and I have a bad feeling about some parents there. They are either snobby or envious of something…

I tell them hello and some answer forcefully or others won’t even respond. I get looks of like anger or they just don’t look at me at all.

The thing is that it has been getting worst because, at first, I thought that maybe since it was all new for us and we did not know them that maybe it was because of that. However, it has been a while now (2months) and they are still acting the same.

I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to feel this way whenever I am around them. My mouth gets dry just to be around them and I dread to go to the practices or games when I know that the people I know won’t make it.

It is weird. I don’t want to feel like this. What should I do?

Anyone, please advice.

I do not know if this will help you -
When I first moved to Modesto from the Diablo Valley (yes, that is the name of it) I was really struck by the number of people my age or slightly younger, parents and grandparents, who lacked even a smidgen of social graces. They did not know how to respond to a greeting, did not know how to introduce themselves or their family or the person standing next to them, did not know how to make a person feel welcome. In fact, it became my experience that the friendliest people in Modesto were the service personnel who were being paid to be friendly. They were fabulous. Regular people however did not have any manners at all (in, of course, my humble opinion).

Now I may have been right in my estimatation of the population of the Central Valley but as someone far wiser than I pointed out to me that didn’t really matter. THEIR behavior could not affect MY behavior…in fact, it had to reinforce it.

swell.

Anyway I have learned in the almost-10-years I have lived here that rarely do I need to really put my foot down about someone else’s behavior. When I do it is because the person is really over-the-top (rude, harranging, defensive to the point of verbally poking their finger in my chest to get their point across, etc). When I need to cut someone out of my life, or report their conduct when appropriate, I do so…but it is a last resort.

As for the people in Modesto and the surrounding area, I was advised to continue treating them in the manner in which I was taught and which is, in my opinion, the correct way to behave in public.

It is NOT YOU…look at them and see Jesus, cleverly disguised.

 

[kage_ar]

welcome to the world of competitive sports for children. get used to it, just wait til he is old enough for Little League, it will be like representing an undeveloped nation in the UN.

AMEN! It becomes insane. Only stick with it if you LOVE the sport and have alligator thick skin.

 

[argon091076]

When I face these sorts of situations, I remind myself that there can be a couple of things going on, none of which have anything to do with me or my behavior.

1. Some people are immature and truly never leave the high school mentality and do indeed snub new people.
2. Some people are not socially adept and come across as unfriendly or rude.
3. Some people have other things going on in their life that makes them pre-occupied.
4. Some people do buy into the uber-parent mentality, live through their children, obsess about their performance and playing time. Consequently, you and your kid are not people but rivals.

Very interesting and true!

 

[argon091076]

AMEN! It becomes insane. Only stick with it if you LOVE the sport and have alligator thick skin.

My alligator skin should be that there are far more important things to worry about than these type of situations…I mean as long as it does not get out of hand like sometime back I saw in the news. It was about some cheerleader that was killed by another cheerleader because she was envious of her!

Another one where a parent runs in to a flag football game and pushes a kid (not his kid) because of I don’t know what reason…there should not be a reason for this anyways!

Unfortunately these things happen, rarely, but they happen and as long as it does not get to this point, well, maybe I should blow it off

 

[Island_Oak]

welcome to the world of competitive sports for children. get used to it, just wait til he is old enough for Little League, it will be like representing an undeveloped nation in the UN.

Ummm…I’m not buying it. We’re talking about a team of 3 year olds. I’d guess there is something that happened in the adult realm prior to t-ball season that may have offended someone–even if unintentionally. This is not normal or typical–I’ve been through scads of sports teams/sidelines politics with my 3 kids–even if you do make allowance for some of the competitive nuts who get way too wrapped up in pee-wee sports.

You opened with a suspicion that others were jealous/envious. Of what? Since no one is a star athlete at age 3, is there something you have/do/own that would be a source of this sentiment for other parents? Have you (honestly) been less than thoughtful, humble, modest, generous and possibly caused offense?

 

[Sarabande]

You have received a lot of good advice from the others.

Pray, pray, pray for them. Some of these people act out of ignorance, some out of insecurity, some out of immaturity and some believe that their bodily functions are sweeter than all the rest.

Do not let them make you feel insignificant. You are a child of God and are special in His eyes.

Sadly, a part of the world is like what you describe. One of the reasons why my family were very much like loners. We reveled in our small group of true friends and family, but didn’t care about what a “suburbanite” community thought how things should be. My parents got this a lot since where I grew up we were the only interracial family in the area. Everyone in my Catholic school was white except for one other family who was Filipino. (I’m half Filipina.) The women treated my mother like she was nothing and would blow her off. I think it was mainly because she didn’t like gossiping or small-talk and because her grammar wasn’t always perfect - mainly her pronouns. Although, I’d say most Americans can’t speak three languages fluently like my mother can, but those women acted out of ignorance. Amazingly, it wouldn’t bother her - it would make her stronger because she knew it was all a head game with those women. I learned a lot from her and from my father on how to handle the “shallowness” of some people. But always, the best defense is to pray for them and for you to be able to weather out the storm. God bless!

 

[argon091076]

You opened with a suspicion that others were jealous/envious. Of what? Since no one is a star athlete at age 3, is there something you have/do/own that would be a source of this sentiment for other parents? Have you (honestly) been less than thoughtful, humble, modest, generous and possibly caused offense?

I don’t even know them and they don’t know me. I don’t know why they don’t like me. Seriously, that is how I feel. Yesterday, during practice, I said hello to one of them and she barely said “hi” back with a straight face and did not even look at me. I am person who likes to talk to anyone and until I get to know them I can say wether or not we will get along well or not. But this time, the vibes are just too strong.

It is just a simple way of being courteous and being friendly and just saying hello and yet those few don’t seem to care. There are some parents that talk very little. They just seem the type with a shy personality. Even though they are shy, you can sense that there is nothing negative from them

Now, about the jealousy/envy, I don’t know of what. Like I said I don’t know them…unless they know me through common friends. That might happen at times.

We own a business, which is doing excellent, however, we don’t flaunt that to others. We say that our employees are our co-workers or that we work together whenever people ask and we hang out with our employees. We don’t say much about our life unless they ask us and only what they ask us. I feel embarrassed for the same reason to be saying that “Oh, by the way, we own a very succesful business… we got this and that and so on forth…” or to just be talking about me me me me me. That is not me. I even feel odd typing here “our employees…”. To us, they are our co-workers because we truly work together. There is one employee of ours that makes great income and he loves to talk about it…Maybe he has mention it to them and that we are his bosses and maybe that could be it…I really can’t think of anything else…My DH was even thinking that it could also be our 3 year old who knows all his colors, shapes, numbers, and many other things that some people think is very advance for his age. At first I thought that was normal in a 2 year old (this is when he learned all this), but according to his pediatrician, it is above average for his age. My DH has thought that maybe other parents feel envy or something because our kid is more advanced then theirs…I really don’t know, I can think of a bunch of reasons and I just don’t think I will never know for sure what it is. I mean there are a couple of children in the team that I cheer for because they are just way too talented! I don’t get jealous or envious because their kids are better at t-ball than my kid. I guess there are people like that everywhere. Fortunately, not everyone is a jerk. I think we have to value that there are great people out there and yet be cautious of not such great people…?

Unless they know any of this, then it could be that. If they do know, then for sure they know from someone else, but not from us.

 

[argon091076]

You have received a lot of good advice from the others.

Pray, pray, pray for them. Some of these people act out of ignorance, some out of insecurity, some out of immaturity and some believe that their bodily functions are sweeter than all the rest.

Do not let them make you feel insignificant. You are a child of God and are special in His eyes.

Sadly, a part of the world is like what you describe. One of the reasons why my family were very much like loners. We reveled in our small group of true friends and family, but didn’t care about what a “suburbanite” community thought how things should be. My parents got this a lot since where I grew up we were the only interracial family in the area. Everyone in my Catholic school was white except for one other family who was Filipino. (I’m half Filipina.) The women treated my mother like she was nothing and would blow her off. I think it was mainly because she didn’t like gossiping or small-talk and because her grammar wasn’t always perfect - mainly her pronouns. Although, I’d say most Americans can’t speak three languages fluently like my mother can, but those women acted out of ignorance. Amazingly, it wouldn’t bother her - it would make her stronger because she knew it was all a head game with those women. I learned a lot from her and from my father on how to handle the “shallowness” of some people. But always, the best defense is to pray for them and for you to be able to weather out the storm. God bless!

I understand what you mean. I have met mean people like this. People who don’t even try to get to know someone from out of town and who criticize or make fun of others. I try to put them in there place by telling them with a straight face that it is not nice to be that way.

 

[LSK]

It could be, as my experience was, simple shyness and lack of social graces. I heard something on Food for the Journey this morning…Sister said to continue to be loving and open and kind to people no matter what because as some point it will be a way we can witness to them of the Truth!

Hang IN THERE…