So confused

[AshJade]

I really don’t know what to do. I am a 33 year old married mother of 4. My oldest is 18 and has severe autism. I also have 6 year old twins and a 3 year old. I graduated with my bachelors degree in April, and I now work for the state. I work 40 hours per week for the first time and I am really struggling. I also am doing an online masters degree program.

I feel like I am not even a mother anymore. Between work and travel, I only see the kids about 2 -3 waking hours per day, during the week. Weekends I spend most of the time cleaning, because my husband works full-time, too. I miss my kids so much.

My mom watches the children while we work, but her health isn’t great and it is a lot of work for her. We don’t want to put the little ones in daycare and my oldest has no where else he could go.

I enjoy my job, but it is extremely stressful. I work with families who have experienced child abuse and neglect, so I deal with a lot of negative emotions. I don’t know if the job is worth it, but I feel like I would be letting my family down if I left and took a part-time job. We are finally financially stable and can start paying off credit cards and loans.

I want to be a mom to my children. I know that my job is important, because I am helping abused and neglected children, but I feel like my kids are missing out. Am I being selfish if I find a part-time job?

 

[Catolico65]

I really don’t know what to do. I am a 33 year old married mother of 4. My oldest is 18 and has severe autism. I also have 6 year old twins and a 3 year old. I graduated with my bachelors degree in April, and I now work for the state. I work 40 hours per week for the first time and I am really struggling. I also am doing an online masters degree program.

I feel like I am not even a mother anymore. Between work and travel, I only see the kids about 2 -3 waking hours per day, during the week. Weekends I spend most of the time cleaning, because my husband works full-time, too. I miss my kids so much.

My mom watches the children while we work, but her health isn’t great and it is a lot of work for her. We don’t want to put the little ones in daycare and my oldest has no where else he could go.

I enjoy my job, but it is extremely stressful. I work with families who have experienced child abuse and neglect, so I deal with a lot of negative emotions. I don’t know if the job is worth it, but I feel like I would be letting my family down if I left and took a part-time job. We are finally financially stable and can start paying off credit cards and loans.

I want to be a mom to my children. I know that my job is important, because I am helping abused and neglected children, but I feel like my kids are missing out. Am I being selfish if I find a part-time job?

I ran into this problem as well as a professional engineer. I finally decided to start my own consulting business and even though I make a lot less money my daughters are so happy because I am home most of the time.

I would say financial security is a long ways down the list when you have young children. It is no wonder no one regrets not having worked enough but always regret not spending more time with their kids. God bless.

 

[Xantippe]

AshJade said:

“I enjoy my job, but it is extremely stressful. I work with families who have experienced child abuse and neglect, so I deal with a lot of negative emotions. I don’t know if the job is worth it, but I feel like I would be letting my family down if I left and took a part-time job. We are finally financially stable and can start paying off credit cards and loans.”

One of my aunties used to work in juvenile justice as a probation officer for juvenile delinquents, as well as doing work with high-risk kids. She eventually went back to teaching, but along the way, she also did some work evaluating families for adoption. You might find that work more rewarding and less stressful than what you are doing now.

Best wishes!

 

[Shortney]

I wouldn’t say that you are not being selfish because your kids really wish to see you more often and need you, but doing this isn’t just for their sake; but also your own. It’s the best for you and your children.

Your mother, this may sound blunt and I apologize, doesn’t need to be caring for your children so often. That’s your job and your husband’s job. Also, to truly become a family, you all need to be together more often than 2-3 hours each weekday.

Any mother, and father, needs to spend a lot of time with their kids and show them a huge quantity of affection, attention, love, ect. They also need to be there to discipline the children and teach them how to be obedient, respectful, and so on. This teaches them how they should care for themselves and their own children in the future.

If you and your husband both work a full-time job and are hardly ever there, I must say that doing a part-time job is the best thing for both of you. If I were your child, I would feel greatly abandoned and it would seem as if you only cared for your work and not me. Even if I were a mother, like you, it would seem as if I’m neglecting my children and I would feel as if something was always missing; and something is missing.

I apologize if what I say offends you, but it’s my opinion. God bless!

 

[SuperLuigi]

I really don’t know what to do. I am a 33 year old married mother of 4. My oldest is 18 and has severe autism. I also have 6 year old twins and a 3 year old. I graduated with my bachelors degree in April, and I now work for the state. I work 40 hours per week for the first time and I am really struggling. I also am doing an online masters degree program.

I feel like I am not even a mother anymore. Between work and travel, I only see the kids about 2 -3 waking hours per day, during the week. Weekends I spend most of the time cleaning, because my husband works full-time, too. I miss my kids so much.

My mom watches the children while we work, but her health isn’t great and it is a lot of work for her. We don’t want to put the little ones in daycare and my oldest has no where else he could go.

I enjoy my job, but it is extremely stressful. I work with families who have experienced child abuse and neglect, so I deal with a lot of negative emotions. I don’t know if the job is worth it, but I feel like I would be letting my family down if I left and took a part-time job. We are finally financially stable and can start paying off credit cards and loans.

I want to be a mom to my children. I know that my job is important, because I am helping abused and neglected children, but I feel like my kids are missing out. Am I being selfish if I find a part-time job?

First, I think your situation is more common than some folks may think.

Second,** my understanding is that you have duties and obligations to your family first**. Parents could go out of their way to work at soup kitchens and live in poverty and not adequately provide for their kids. You would need **to talk a priest **or other moralist about this, as I do think its important for us to know what our basic duties are.

I remember watching a nun on TV talking about this.She said the devil won’t tempt the faithful to cheat on their spouses or things like, but to be involved in every Church committee and not be at home raising kids.

Third, I would see if the 18 year old could get some kind of disability if she/he cannot work.

 

[AshJade]

Third, I would see if the 18 year old could get some kind of disability if she/he cannot work.

He actually does get disability payments, but it is a drop in the bucket when it comes to bills. He has a very specific diet, just like most people with autism.

I took out a lot of student loans and we have a mortgage, so I think that is what is stressing us out the most. I also think my husband will resent me if I cut my hours, because he has to work full-time.

 

[ClearWater]

Gosh!

I wish I had some advice. I’ll say a prayer for you.

Hail Mary,
Full of Grace,
The Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou among women,
and blessed is the fruit
of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary,
Mother of God,
pray for us sinners now,
and at the hour of our death.
Amen.