So, I know a boy

[Nevarlander]

I know a boy my age. He does interesting intarwebs art and stuff, and I’m thinking of drawtrading him things.
However… I’ve seen pictures of him cosplaying. He most decidedly is really a she, and I think of her as a she with everything she does (it’s all very girly, though she wouldn’t want to hear that). But she insists on being called a “female-to-male”, because she wants to turn into a boy, since you can have that kind of surgery done these days.

How does one go about explaining that one shouldn’t decide on their sexual preferences at such a young age, and in fact that just because you like a certain person in a certain way doesn’t mean you’re gay, or that you ought to be the other sex?

 

[MH84]

intarwebs art and stuff?? drawtrading??

 

[Pat_the_Cat]

Sounds like your friend need some serious prayers! If I were you, I would get everyone I could to pray for this poor girl, who obviously has identity issues. The fact is that we are not just Male and Female in our bodies but also in our souls. Having an operation to change her genitelia will NOT make her Male. Even if she looks like one on the out side.

I will pray for your friend

God bless and may the Holy Spirit lead you.

 

[Nevarlander]

intarwebs art and stuff?? drawtrading??

“Intarwebs” - a familiar, slightly dismissive, term for the internet. “Drawtrading” - trading drawings for drawings.

Yeah… I’ve never known how to properly deal with your average postmodernist, though, because they think that even if something’s true to you, it doesn’t have to be true to them.
I’m thinking this might be what I consider a “lesbian until graduation” phase: once she gets out and realizes that the reason boys are stupid because they’re teenagers, not because they’re men, and realizes that heterosexual sex seems “gross” because it’s so abused in our culture, then it might work out.

 

[Mirdath]

Do your trading, if you like, and don’t bring it up. This is one of those things that isn’t any business of strangers on the internet.

It also doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with sex or attraction. Gender identity is a weird little thing, and there are all kinds of ways the wires can get crossed.

Bottom line, you don’t lose anything calling your friend what he wants to be called. Pray all you want, but it’s no excuse for rudeness.

 

[Nevarlander]

Do your trading, if you like, and don’t bring it up. This is one of those things that isn’t any business of strangers on the internet.

It also doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with sex or attraction. Gender identity is a weird little thing, and there are all kinds of ways the wires can get crossed.

Bottom line, you don’t lose anything calling your friend what he wants to be called. Pray all you want, but it’s no excuse for rudeness.

I don’t use gender references, because his girlfriend and his sex life have nothing to do with our business. It’s just one of those “you’re too awesome for this BS” things - I don’t know about you, but when I see somebody being self-destructive it’s like “O_O, get out of this”.

I dunno how old you are (mentally I picture you as late 30s), but in Generation Myspace like he and I are, kids get into weird stuff on the internet because they’re kids and then change their identities because of it, not because it’s something that was actually inside themselves. And the reason that it rips them to get rid of it and it’s “part of their identity” is that they’re just… hooked and have no other substitute. I speak from first-hand, though not on this particular issue. That’s why I’m concerned: I believe it’s one of these cases that can be, well, fixed with a little help.

 

[strngrnrth]

What id cosplaying?

 

[Mirdath]

I don’t use gender references, because his girlfriend and his sex life have nothing to do with our business. It’s just one of those “you’re too awesome for this BS” things - I don’t know about you, but when I see somebody being self-destructive it’s like “O_O, get out of this”.

Self-destructive? Certainly, dysphoria can be destructive, but it’s not necessarily controllable by sheer willpower. Even such behaviors as are willingly taken up at first, like alcoholism and other addictions, often require serious treatment and therapy to overcome. It really isn’t something you can just wave away – and if anything, discomfort with and loathing of your own body is a far deeper issue than addiction.

I dunno how old you are (mentally I picture you as late 30s), but in Generation Myspace like he and I are, kids get into weird stuff on the internet because they’re kids and then change their identities because of it, not because it’s something that was actually inside themselves. And the reason that it rips them to get rid of it and it’s “part of their identity” is that they’re just… hooked and have no other substitute. I speak from first-hand, though not on this particular issue. That’s why I’m concerned: I believe it’s one of these cases that can be, well, fixed with a little help.

I’m just a few years older than you are, I think – 21 And sure, I’m well-acquainted with the ‘disorder du jour’ phenomenon. Right now it’s Asperger’s Syndrome, though synaesthesia still has its hangers-on. Thing is, if an awkward nerd self-diagnoses up a case of Asperger’s based on an internet quiz, nothing changes. If someone doesn’t feel comfortable in his or her own skin, and is taking steps to remedy that – well, at the absolute least it’s deserving of a little more consideration than ‘Quizilla says I’m mildly autistic!’.

I’m not saying people can’t or don’t claim to be transgendered or transsexual for internet cred – although most places, even online, can be quite unkind to those with gender dysphoria. Still, this is the internet, where you have entire communities of people claiming to be reincarnated elves and magical fairy thunder dragons – or even specific fictional characters (what happens when one ‘incarnation’ of Sephiroth meets another, I wonder…?)!

But don’t write off someone saying ‘I don’t feel comfortable in my own body’ as just a phase or an acquired feeling – it may be, it may not be. Just keep on being his friend. If it is just a passing thing, you’ve still got a friend; and if it isn’t, the same – plus you may have done even more good. Many transgendered and transsexual people have absolutely crippling social phobias.

 

[Nevarlander]

Self-destructive? Certainly, dysphoria can be destructive, but it’s not necessarily controllable by sheer willpower. Even such behaviors as are willingly taken up at first, like alcoholism and other addictions, often require serious treatment and therapy to overcome. It really isn’t something you can just wave away – and if anything, discomfort with and loathing of your own body is a far deeper issue than addiction.

I’m just a few years older than you are, I think – 21 And sure, I’m well-acquainted with the ‘disorder du jour’ phenomenon. Right now it’s Asperger’s Syndrome, though synaesthesia still has its hangers-on. Thing is, if an awkward nerd self-diagnoses up a case of Asperger’s based on an internet quiz, nothing changes. If someone doesn’t feel comfortable in his or her own skin, and is taking steps to remedy that – well, at the absolute least it’s deserving of a little more consideration than ‘Quizilla says I’m mildly autistic!’.

I’m not saying people can’t or don’t claim to be transgendered or transsexual for internet cred – although most places, even online, can be quite unkind to those with gender dysphoria. Still, this is the internet, where you have entire communities of people claiming to be reincarnated elves and magical fairy thunder dragons – or even specific fictional characters (what happens when one ‘incarnation’ of Sephiroth meets another, I wonder…?)!

But don’t write off someone saying ‘I don’t feel comfortable in my own body’ as just a phase or an acquired feeling – it may be, it may not be. Just keep on being his friend. If it is just a passing thing, you’ve still got a friend; and if it isn’t, the same – plus you may have done even more good. Many transgendered and transsexual people have absolutely crippling social phobias.

When one incarnation of Sephiroth meets the other, one has to become Aeris: aka, die. It’s like Highlander.
I’m taking the sensible course, since you have to be careful - she’s extremely sensitive about being called a girl. She acts completely feminine, which is the weirdest part of things, she just insists she’s really a man. I seriously can’t figure it out, and am not even going to bother to. I’ll just draw her pretty pictures and maybe it’ll come to an understanding.

Person above Mirdath: “cosplay” is like making every day your own personal Halloween. Hordes of people will get together at conventions for science fiction and other stuff and dress up and have fun like that.