Social etiquette and manners

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anon91549587

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Reading this article made me feel very embarrased because i possess all these bad habits.


Putting this article aside, how can i develop better manners and conversation skills?

If there are Catholic resources avaliable, that would be great too .
 
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Some things are shareable, others frankly do not attract me: the idea that in a meeting of friends we must necessarily talk about unimportant things seems to me like going to dinner at Downton Abbey, a fun TV series but not really my ideal life 🙂
 
“Arguing should be for a debate, laughs and entertainment …if you are seriously arguing at a gathering, it is a sign of bad breeding.”

Half of my family is a “sign of bad breeding”. 😆
 
Im always arguing in the defense of our faith which is great but i do so in inappropriate times. Several times i caught myself hogging the social space and not being able to restrain myself. Which through therapy yesterday i discovered stemmed from a childhood memory. Not being taken seriously as a 6-7 year old kid made me what im now. Constantly needing to prove a point.
 
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anon91549587 said:
Im always arguing in the defense of our faith which is great but i do so in inappropriate times.
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Whenever I’ve confessed getting carried away with “defense of the faith”, my priest tells me that I should focus on what I have in common with the other person and not what we disagree upon.

Also, if you’d like to be a better conversationalist, the best way is to talk about yourself and your opinions as little as possible (“Talk less, smile more”) and focus on getting the other person to talk about himself and his opinions. I find that very interesting and enjoyable to learn about others. And others love to talk about themselves and their own doings.
 
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Show interest in people but don’t be nosy. Is that a difficult balance.

Offer compliments or affirmations.
 
This is how it is for people of certain age groups from certain countries, as I discover whenever I’m graced with dinner invites with my fiance…

On the other hand, when you look on the fb groups, it plays out a lot more like EastEnders 😅 (so I now mostly avoid those groups)…
 
May I insert my opinion…
o be genuine…not phony
example: I know a person that whenever we go to a restaurant, she’ll emphasize her concern for the waiter’s well-being…so “fake”.

o show ‘interest’ in people
example: eye contact and be truly interested in them!

o when talking to an individual…LOOK at them!

o always say good things about people, therefore, you will never have to whisper!

o also, realize we all come from different environments…it is reflected in our behavior…YES!

😊 😬 😉
 
You might look at joining a group like Toastmasters to practice learn speaking, take an etiquette class, start with the simple advice “talk less, smile more”.
 
ZemD said:
“Arguing should be for a debate, laughs and entertainment …if you are seriously arguing at a gathering, it is a sign of bad breeding.”

Half of my family is a “sign of bad breeding”. 😆
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Yeah, my wife’s half
😆
 
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See, this is a thorn in my side, because some things that are considered rude in one culture, may not be considered rude in another. I have a hard time making eye contact, for instance. But, in my family, that’s just fine, because we were taught to listen to our elders, not stare at them. One thing I definitely remember in my family, though. “ELBOWS OFF THE TABLE”!
 
Focusing on what we have in common is something of a struggle for me. I’ve had my first first hand experience of “Christian unity” and it is like throwing fish N chips and gummy bears into a nutribullet blender. The theology is constantly changing based on “divine inspiration”, biblical verses are lifted to support their own views on health regardless of historical/cultural context.

I kinda like the culture but dislike it, as i type this, i am figuring out how i can peacefully co-exist with them without constantly battling their heresies in my mind. Or maybe i could think of them as unlearned kids, and i need to be gentle with them as they are not exposed to the tradition of intellect and truth as us. So i could be around there and like an icon, not show polemical views but just show the truth.
 
Since you don’t have religious belief in common with these folks, you must have other things that you have in common with them and that you enjoy together. I would suggest focusing on those other things. If the conversation turns to religion, you can just say, “Well, I believe differently. But this isn’t the time or place to get into all that. Seen any good movies lately?” etc.
 
Just what i needed. Thank you !

Another question: If there was a preacher who has cheated his believers of their money and perhaps sexually abused some of them . And another christian , Mr.XYZ constantly affirms and praises the preacher . Would it be normal to feel dislike for Mr.XYZ for supporting evil ?
 
😃

Yes, the risk is always to go from one extreme to another!

I would say: the article mainly contained interesting ideas, but from my point of view it was necessary to personalize it a bit.
 
I don’t know about you, but I can look people in the eyes, at least a little, when they speak, but I absolutely can’t look people in the eyes when I speak: either I look them in the eyes or I think what to say, I’m not a hypnotist 😃
 
The worst is when you’re talking to someone and start worrying if you’re looking them in the eyes enough/too much. That’s when I start to look like a starry psychopath but probably don’t know it 😂😂
 
For ladies, there is a lovely book “Better Than Beauty, A Guide to Charm.”
 
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