Some advice if possible....and prayers :)

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Teresa1515

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Greetings all and a happy Easter! He has risen!

Just wanted some advice and help on a family matter.

I am beginning to think my Mother suffers with factitious disorder. There always seems to be something wrong with her all the time, (I’m going back as long as I can remember) and then after what we call a stressful event, ie a hospital visit/ stay / operation (mainly tests)… she is miraculously better until something else occurs. I really hope she wouldn’t do it for attention, but I am starting to think she is.

2 events which have occurred for me to think this
  1. My Father is living with a brain tumour and another major disease which he is being treated for.(thanks be to God he is doing okay) I was recently concerned about the Coronavirus and asked my Mother if he should isolate and would he be okay. Well she really yelled at me telling me he will be fine but its her that I should be worried about?? Well, this threw me…so I asked why. She replied well it affects people with respiratory issues and I have Angina. I forgot about this as this was last years drama with pain and tests.
  2. Couple of months ago I was in ER with her for a what we thought was a broken bone or hip or something…the X-ray came back and was fine. I went into the consulting room with her and was told all was fine…but then she really exaggerated the pain, the Dr looked over at me and I felt so embarrassed I had to turn round as I couldn’t watch any longer.To me it looked over dramatised. Well we left with a prescription for some painkillers and off we went. 2 days later she was back walking the Dogs and all was ok.
    This has lingered with me since. Now today, she called on the phone, we are obviously on a lock down so we are communicating by phone.
She has bad cough a headache, feels sick and she can’t cope…the Dogs have been ‘blah blah’ etc… This is has now left me slightly fed up as I can feel a drama or event happening. I feel like I just can’t take another dose of this. I am married, no children…hopefully we will be blessed soon / one day…and tbh I know this may sound selfish but I just want to get on with my life and these dramas cause me a lot of anxiety and worry it is starting to occupy my whole mind. But when there is no drama, we get on so well and she is generally a lovely and kind person, she will do anything for anyone, so I just don’t know where all this cry out comes from.

I am just unsure how to deal with this, and wondered if my thoughts are being carried away and if any of my fellow siblings in Christ could offer any advice for us and of course prayers.

For information she has no faith, but my Husband and myself are Catholic, so we are praying for conversion and help.

God Bless you all and thank you in advance.
 
I think you’re right, prayer aside, I don’t know how to help.

My Mother-in-Law has a similar problem. Back pain (the latest ailment), to the point she can’t move. We take her to the Doctor, she sits there smiling and answers questions. Once home, she never takes the prescribed medicine… repeat.
 
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I don’t know how old either of your moms are, but it may help to have their doctors check to see if there are any mental issues beginning such as Alzheimer’s or dementia, or whether this is just a bid for attention.

I would have an easier time overlooking their “complaints” if I knew they were of sound mind,
 
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Thank you both. Retsel, sorry to hear this and thanks for prayers.Assured of mine. That seems to be common, no solution…just a problem.
IrishMom, Thank you, I never thought about her being tested to be honest, unfortunately, I guess I have been a little self centred as it never crossed my mind.
She is early 50’s and fairly young when I was born and health ‘issues’ have been going on for about 20 something years now. It feels so normal for me, when I was very young 4/5 I remember worrying she might pass away and I was generally very worried about her, until now, I am just seeing things very differently and a constant ‘loop’ happening like Retsel saying, an Ailment… Med visit…meds/not taking properly or doing exercises…then repeat. But if there is an illness of her mind I guess she would need some help. :confused:
 
Well, I guess that would depend on whether she actually really is very ill or not then. While she is young for Alzheimer’s it would seem, the disease actually starts earlier than it may be noticeable. But looking back on my own MIL, some of her behavior from 20 years ago, it is easy now to look back and see how her disease would explain what she was doing back then.

Are all of her illnesses real? Things that she is hospitalized for, or just aches that the doctor may or may not give meds for and then she is suddenly all well again?
 
Ah okay, I see. So it could be un-noticed now and then get worse as time goes on?

Its hard to say, when I was young she had a lot of stomach problems. So a lot of camera operation type tests (sorry I don’t know the name) where she would be in hospital for 2-3 days. Then she would come home with meds, then be well again. Then it was a broken leg, then a camera operation in the leg. These were all during my childhood and teens.

Then a few years ago a check on her ovaries I think it was? but that went horribly wrong and caused an internal bleed. Which was bad, she did nearly die.
Since then, it has been on and off blood tests, camera tests for various ailments. Another broken leg which was 3 days in plaster from ER and then a consultant visit a couple of days after he said it was ok and took the plaster off??? Which I never understood. An overnight stay for tests for pain in chest which was Angina? I am not sure what is happening there, I think she is taking Aspirin when she feels pain. Whenever, I see ‘Dad’ come up on my phone as he calls me rarely, but when he does my heart must miss a beat. Even my Husband says What is it this time. …I just have a feeling though that if she had faith, her life would be totally different and none of this would be as bad.

It does get very chaotic for everyone, my elderly Grandma (Her Mother) ends up at her wits end worrying as well. Just 5mins ago she called saying your Mom sounds poorly can you go over to her! She asks us not to mention anything to her, we don’t …then she tells her and then it ends up being complete madness like now. Thank you for your time, it is much appreciated.
 
Perhaps you could suggest she see a counselor to help her cope with her feelings about her health issues and how they make her feel. Maybe if she talked to a professional, she may feel less panicked or stressed about things. And maybe they may get at some issues that she doesn’t realize she has,

I agree that her lack of faith could be fueling the fire. Maybe invite her to mass with you?
 
I’ll put you in my Rosary intentions, dear sister.

The best advice I can give is: pray, be patient, trust in God, and in all things with love and humility and the fear of the Lord, serve and glorify Him. With God, all things are possible. So, trust in Him, pray to Him, and love Him and others. If your mother has done something against you, forgive her. Be the light of your Father in heaven, you and your husband, so that the light may shine to your parents, and that they may be converted not only by words, but also by your love, patience and godliness.

Honour your father and mother, and help them by what is in your power. Don’t worry, trust in the Lord.

Peace!
 
I think that may be my next step for this current drama, advise her to see a counsellor, to be honest I didn’t think of that either, thank you. As for attending mass, it would make me one of the happiest people in The Oratory if my parents came to mass with us 🙂 we are just waiting for the day they say they will come. Thank you so much IrishMom I will add you to my prayers.

Thank you CroatCatholic I appreciate the rosary intention very much and I pray I will bring God my parents to himself and for blessings for you and your family.
 
Being a full time caregiver, watching your spouse battle cancer, takes a great mental, physical and emotional toll on a person. Angina is not something to think is fake. Stress can make it worse, and we are all under stress right now.

Counseling is a very good idea, as well as speaking to her physician.

Is she getting some respite care for your dad?
 
Are you not living in quarantine? it’s really not a good time for you to be running to your mom’s, taking her to hospital. i don’t know where you are, but we are all self-quarantining in Washington state.
 
Viki63 said:
Are you not living in quarantine? it’s really not a good time for you to be running to your mom’s, taking her to hospital. i don’t know where you are, but we are all self-quarantining in Washington state.
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People still need to be able to access medical care.
 
In our state, you are allowed to go take care of or check in on the elderly. Perhaps there is a difference in “stay at home” and “quarantined.” I am not sure. It’s difficult to know with so many states doing different things,
 
Thank you for your reply. I think you may have misunderstood. I didn’t say Angina was fake, I am just getting to the stage with the latest aliments that I am unsure sometimes what can be exaggerated and what is legit after the last hospital visit. As a truth seeker, I am just trying to do what is right by all the family and also my Husband’s, Parents and my own soul. At the moment it is really intense which seems to be down to self sabotage and not just bad circumstances. So I was just really seeking help on really how to deal with this, not debating what is fake or true.

No care is really needed for my Father. Praise Our Lord and his Blessed Mother for her intercession, that his Tumour is benign and he is living at the moment his normal lifestyle. Well, to a certain point with some changes obviously. He is currently waiting on more tests and for an operation.

Viki63 yes we are bound to stay indoors unless an emergency where we can leave our homes. The hospital visit was late Feb before the virus spread to our city. Pray it all gets back to normal soon for everyone.
 
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