I disagree that “don’t make small talk” is a hard-and-fast rule.
The dying person is the focus of the visit, so you want to start out meeting their needs–do they need their pain meds? Toileting? A sip of water? Then to their psycho-social needs, like is there somebody that they need to talk to or unfinished business or loose ends they need to attend. If they have any spiritual needs, like last rites or prayer or Bible reading, do that.
But if they’re not too fatigued, and they’re in the mood for it (you must be receptive to their feelings), small talk is perfectly okay. Maybe they want to talk about the garden or the ball game. I’ve even laughed and joked with dying people–things can still be funny at the end of life, you don’t have to pull a solemn, long face the whole time.
But you have to be able to read the mood and energy (not in a new-age way, I’m just not sure how else to phrase this) of the room and respond appropriately.
And if you screw it up and make a wrong statement, a simple apology and move on.
