Someone I met

  • Thread starter Thread starter sitaras
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
S

sitaras

Guest
I’ve spent more than a decade on these forums. I was 15 then. I’m 26 now. I’m an atheist but I love your religion. And I wish I could know, with the same certainty many of you seem to have, that God is real and that He loves us. For many years I thought if I read enough, watched enough, I could make myself believe. I’ve argued with religious people, hoping that they’ll convince me and I’ll go home with some semblance of faith.

I drive around churches in the middle of the night wishing I could go inside. I can’t. I’m terrified for some reason. My heart starts pounding, I get nauseous, and then I drive away. It took me years to even post this. But if faith is the evidence of things unseen, I need other evidence because I don’t know how to simply choose faith. And I don’t know how to find courage without faith, and faith without courage.

I sat next to a woman on the plane today. She was staring out the window in tears with a rosary wrapped around her hand. When I asked her if she was okay, she said no, she had lost someone she loved. Then she relayed this story to me. Some stranger saw her crying yesterday, and offered to pray with her, and then handed her a rosary. It was such a simple gesture but I could see how much that gift meant to her, how she drew courage and strength from those beads. I don’t even think she was Catholic. As an atheist, I could never do something like that. All I can say is “at least you got to know this person before they died.” But I want there to be a God for all those people who lived brief and lonely lives, for those who suffer and we can’t help, and for me too.

In any case, I’m posting this here because I’ve read a lot of stories on this forum from people who have seen strangers in need and have tried to give them God. You don’t usually hear the ending of such stories, so I thought I’d share one. I saw a women clutching at the hope those rosary beads must have symbolized, and her amazement when she told the story of where she got them. The stranger who gave them to her touched two people today, and if I were to believe in God it would be because of moments like that. And right now, I just wanted someone in the world to know that I hate being an atheist.
 
sitaras said:
I’ve spent more than a decade on these forums. I was 15 then. I’m 26 now. I’m an atheist but I love your religion. And I wish I could know, with the same certainty many of you seem to have, that God is real and that He loves us. For many years I thought if I read enough, watched enough, I could make myself believe. I’ve argued with religious people, hoping that they’ll convince me and I’ll go home with some semblance of faith.

I drive around churches in the middle of the night wishing I could go inside. I can’t. I’m terrified for some reason. My heart starts pounding, I get nauseous, and then I drive away. It took me years to even post this. But if faith is the evidence of things unseen, I need other evidence because I don’t know how to simply choose faith. And I don’t know how to find courage without faith, and faith without courage.

I sat next to a woman on the plane today. She was staring out the window in tears with a rosary wrapped around her hand. When I asked her if she was okay, she said no, she had lost someone she loved. Then she relayed this story to me. Some stranger saw her crying yesterday, and offered to pray with her, and then handed her a rosary. It was such a simple gesture but I could see how much that gift meant to her, how she drew courage and strength from those beads. I don’t even think she was Catholic. As an atheist, I could never do something like that. All I can say is “at least you got to know this person before they died.” But I want there to be a God for all those people who lived brief and lonely lives, for those who suffer and we can’t help, and for me too.

In any case, I’m posting this here because I’ve read a lot of stories on this forum from people who have seen strangers in need and have tried to give them God. You don’t usually hear the ending of such stories, so I thought I’d share one. I saw a women clutching at the hope those rosary beads must have symbolized, and her amazement when she told the story of where she got them. The stranger who gave them to her touched two people today, and if I were to believe in God it would be because of moments like that. And right now, I just wanted someone in the world to know that I hate being an atheist.
Click to expand...
Thanks for sharing! 👍

Please continue to read the forums and even if you’ve been around for a while and haven’t said much, PLEASE do not hesitate to ask questions.

And yes—God is real and He loves ALL of us! :yup: :extrahappy:
 
This sounds like God trying to get in touch with you through others. Also, the fact that you are not satisfied with being an Atheist tells me your soul is searching for God, even if you don’t know it.

I only came to know God, when I was four years old. I had a near death experience and was told “There is a God” during that experience. Prior to that time I had no concept of God or knowledge of His existence. I do believe that He touches all of us in different ways so we might grow to know Him.

I wonder why you have such a strong fear reaction to entering a Church. Maybe it is Satan trying to keep you away from God, who tells us, through Jesus, that “fear is useless.” May I suggest that you enter a Church, one that you have been by in the past, and simply sit through the services or alone in the silence. Just sit and “listen.” Don’t be afraid, but banish that fear from your heart and find out what happens. Just listen and watch for a while, without trying to figure anything out. And if you do have some enlightening experience and feel like sharing please do so. I am sure others would love to hear from you.

Scripture also reveals to us that God knew us before we were knit in our mother’s womb. I have to suspect that this means deep down your soul knows God exists and yearns for Him, and this is why you “hate being an atheist.”
 
sitaras said:
I’ve spent more than a decade on these forums. I was 15 then. I’m 26 now. I’m an atheist but I love your religion. And I wish I could know, with the same certainty many of you seem to have, that God is real and that He loves us. For many years I thought if I read enough, watched enough, I could make myself believe. I’ve argued with religious people, hoping that they’ll convince me and I’ll go home with some semblance of faith.

I drive around churches in the middle of the night wishing I could go inside. I can’t. I’m terrified for some reason. My heart starts pounding, I get nauseous, and then I drive away. It took me years to even post this. But if faith is the evidence of things unseen, I need other evidence because I don’t know how to simply choose faith. And I don’t know how to find courage without faith, and faith without courage.

I sat next to a woman on the plane today. She was staring out the window in tears with a rosary wrapped around her hand. When I asked her if she was okay, she said no, she had lost someone she loved. Then she relayed this story to me. Some stranger saw her crying yesterday, and offered to pray with her, and then handed her a rosary. It was such a simple gesture but I could see how much that gift meant to her, how she drew courage and strength from those beads. I don’t even think she was Catholic. As an atheist, I could never do something like that. All I can say is “at least you got to know this person before they died.” But I want there to be a God for all those people who lived brief and lonely lives, for those who suffer and we can’t help, and for me too.

In any case, I’m posting this here because I’ve read a lot of stories on this forum from people who have seen strangers in need and have tried to give them God. You don’t usually hear the ending of such stories, so I thought I’d share one. I saw a women clutching at the hope those rosary beads must have symbolized, and her amazement when she told the story of where she got them. The stranger who gave them to her touched two people today, and if I were to believe in God it would be because of moments like that. And right now, I just wanted someone in the world to know that I hate being an atheist.
Click to expand...
Thank you for having the courage to share this!

Since you hate being an atheist, why don’t you “try on” Christianity and see if you find something there? I know a guy who was a lapsed Catholic and decided he was going to try out being a practicing Catholic for one month. If, at the end of the month, he felt nothing, he was going to give up Catholicism all together. Well, now he’s a seminarian (studying to be a priest). I’m not saying that you’ll decide to take up the priesthood or religious life…but there’s clearly something valuable in “trying religion on.”

You could pray (even if you aren’t sure if God is listening), and ask God (even if you don’t think He exists) to help you to believe. You could pray the Rosary (here’s a cool virtual one that walks you through it: comepraytherosary.org/). You could go to Mass (I highly recommend going, even if it’s scary to walk into a random church. If you sit in the back, I’m almost certain you can go unnoticed if that’s what you want. Going to Mass will give you a really really good sense of what it’s like being a Catholic; it’s a good way to “try Catholicism on.” Just remember—you can’t receive communion unless you’re Catholic.) You could also go to Eucharistic Adoration. (Another one I would highly recommend. You probably know what this is since you’ve been on the forums for a decade.) You could read the Bible regularly. You could also read other Christian materials, such as books on Christian Apologetics. Might I recommend Mere Christianity by CS Lewis (my all-time favorite book!!!), or Orthodoxy by GK Chesterton?

It might also be helpful to ask yourself exactly what keeps you from being a believer. It sounds like you would much rather be a believer. Is it your mind that is getting in the way? Is your heart telling you something more powerful and believable than that which your mind is telling you?
 
sitaras said:
I’ve spent more than a decade on these forums. I was 15 then. I’m 26 now. I’m an atheist but I love your religion. And I wish I could know, with the same certainty many of you seem to have, that God is real and that He loves us. For many years I thought if I read enough, watched enough, I could make myself believe. I’ve argued with religious people, hoping that they’ll convince me and I’ll go home with some semblance of faith.

I drive around churches in the middle of the night wishing I could go inside. I can’t. I’m terrified for some reason. My heart starts pounding, I get nauseous, and then I drive away. It took me years to even post this. But if faith is the evidence of things unseen, I need other evidence because I don’t know how to simply choose faith. And I don’t know how to find courage without faith, and faith without courage.

I sat next to a woman on the plane today. She was staring out the window in tears with a rosary wrapped around her hand. When I asked her if she was okay, she said no, she had lost someone she loved. Then she relayed this story to me. Some stranger saw her crying yesterday, and offered to pray with her, and then handed her a rosary. It was such a simple gesture but I could see how much that gift meant to her, how she drew courage and strength from those beads. I don’t even think she was Catholic. As an atheist, I could never do something like that. All I can say is “at least you got to know this person before they died.” But I want there to be a God for all those people who lived brief and lonely lives, for those who suffer and we can’t help, and for me too.

In any case, I’m posting this here because I’ve read a lot of stories on this forum from people who have seen strangers in need and have tried to give them God. You don’t usually hear the ending of such stories, so I thought I’d share one. I saw a women clutching at the hope those rosary beads must have symbolized, and her amazement when she told the story of where she got them. The stranger who gave them to her touched two people today, and if I were to believe in God it would be because of moments like that. And right now, I just wanted someone in the world to know that I hate being an atheist.
Click to expand...
Thank you for your story. It’s those kind of moments when I (personally) feel closest to God.

“Why is that?” you might ask… Well, it’s because as Catholics, we believe God is love. You can’t (directly) observe love, it’s something you experience.

St. Bonaventure, amoung his many thoughts, conjectured that in order to come to know God (better, or at all), one has to orient their lives towards him through prayer, meditation, and virtuous life. I know it sounds completely asinine, but can I suggest you start by throwing caution to the wind and going to Catholic mass on a regular basis? As important it is to have a relationship with Jesus the Christ, it is equally important to encounter him in His community; that is to say, the Church.

Frankly, (unless your local church is made up of 50 people) nobody is going to notice that you’re there, and half the time people don’t even say the responses (it would be more helpful I think to listen, anyway). Just follow the sit, stand, and kneeling the rest of the congregation does during the mass (most people just follow the person in front of them); if you go up for communion, cross your arms when in front of the priest (this is a signal to the priest that you are not Catholic, so that he may give you a blessing instead).

And then, if you do follow this advice, let us know how it went.👍
 
Thanks for your story! You express your thoughts so well, I was even able to picture the scene of you and the lady with the rosary in the plane.
All I can tell you is that God knows you more than you can imagine and He will choose a way to call you to Him that only you will understand because He knows who YOU are!!! I know you understand what I mean.
The Rosary points you to Jesus through Mary in the most gentle and subtle of ways.Give it a try!!Ask God from deep within your heart to show you the way and when things start making sense to you,go see a Catholic Priest.
God loves you.🙂
 
‘The Case for a Creator’ by Lee Strobel is very good in probing the existence of God through science, you can see it here; www.youtube.com/watch?v=ajqH4y8G0MI

And if you like that then you can read (or watch) ‘A Case for Christ’ by the same author. 👍
 
Welcome!

You have written a beautiful post. Thank you for sharing.

I think you need to try praying. In case you have tried and it felt like a dumb thing to do, try again. It will probably feel like talking to yourself. Say what you feel. Ask to be given what you need. Ask God to reveal Himself in a way that you will understand.

People come to faith in all sorts o ways, including just through reason and thinking things through, but for most it is an encounter with a person. You obviously have a desire for God, so keep asking until it is answered. God is a mystery. Sometimes He makes us work hard, wants us to take those few steps into the unknown, and then He showers us with grace and we don’t know what hit us and how we got there 🙂

Praying for you.
 
I really appreciate you sharing this. I have so many friends I love who do not believe in God, and having found God and realizing how beautiful he is, my heart aches for them to find him as well. I pray, but sometimes it seems like there is no hope. Your story gives me hope.

Keep searching, God will find you. If you can muster up the courage to pray, try that, even if you can’t go into a Church. I’m praying for you, especially to St Therese of Liseiux (she experienced severe doubts at the end of her life, and called atheists her “brothers”.) God Bless you 🙂
 
sitaras said:
I’ve spent more than a decade on these forums. I was 15 then. I’m 26 now. I’m an atheist but I love your religion. And I wish I could know, with the same certainty many of you seem to have, that God is real and that He loves us. For many years I thought if I read enough, watched enough, I could make myself believe. I’ve argued with religious people, hoping that they’ll convince me and I’ll go home with some semblance of faith.

I drive around churches in the middle of the night wishing I could go inside. I can’t. I’m terrified for some reason. My heart starts pounding, I get nauseous, and then I drive away. It took me years to even post this. But if faith is the evidence of things unseen, I need other evidence because I don’t know how to simply choose faith. And I don’t know how to find courage without faith, and faith without courage.

I sat next to a woman on the plane today. She was staring out the window in tears with a rosary wrapped around her hand. When I asked her if she was okay, she said no, she had lost someone she loved. Then she relayed this story to me. Some stranger saw her crying yesterday, and offered to pray with her, and then handed her a rosary. It was such a simple gesture but I could see how much that gift meant to her, how she drew courage and strength from those beads. I don’t even think she was Catholic. As an atheist, I could never do something like that. All I can say is “at least you got to know this person before they died.” But I want there to be a God for all those people who lived brief and lonely lives, for those who suffer and we can’t help, and for me too.

In any case, I’m posting this here because I’ve read a lot of stories on this forum from people who have seen strangers in need and have tried to give them God. You don’t usually hear the ending of such stories, so I thought I’d share one. I saw a women clutching at the hope those rosary beads must have symbolized, and her amazement when she told the story of where she got them. The stranger who gave them to her touched two people today, and if I were to believe in God it would be because of moments like that. And right now, I just wanted someone in the world to know that I hate being an atheist.
Click to expand...
Keep looking, you will find the answers and the peace you deserve. 👍
 
patience grasshopper, it took me 60 years, or should i say, it took God 60 years. but “the last will be first” and “he who was hired in the afternoon, will receive the same wage as he who was hired in the morning”. i’m not proud of it, but i am grateful, thank you Lord!
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top