Something I've learned about relationships...thoughts?

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SpeakKindly

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One thing I’ve learned over the course of my year long engagement is that marriage advice is good, but it means little if you don’t listen to how your future spouse communicates.

For example, we’ve both were told about communicating if there are hurt feelings and stuff. So I’d try to talk out my frustrations and get a bit frustrated when she’d not want to discuss things. It turns out that I unintentionally talked things to death that we should have just dropped.

In other words, it’s not a bad thing to listen to advice about relationships, but I’m a very big fan of understanding the person and tailoring the relationship that way, because expectations of how things “should be” just because people say so seems to get in the way of communicating with us more than anything.
 
SpeakKindly said:
One thing I’ve learned over the course of my year long engagement is that marriage advice is good, but it means little if you don’t listen to how your future spouse communicates.

For example, we’ve both were told about communicating if there are hurt feelings and stuff. So I’d try to talk out my frustrations and get a bit frustrated when she’d not want to discuss things. It turns out that I unintentionally talked things to death that we should have just dropped.

In other words, it’s not a bad thing to listen to advice about relationships, but I’m a very big fan of understanding the person and tailoring the relationship that way, because expectations of how things “should be” just because people say so seems to get in the way of communicating with us more than anything.
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I suggest that both of you read The Five Love Languages. It’s awesome and you will be glad you did.
 
Yuk!! I hated getting marriage advice. I kept a trash bin inside my brain where I directly put it all.

It never stops!! When you have a a baby its what you should be doing during pregnancy&delivery, and then there’s the fools who tell you to “sleep while the baby sleeps” and then its unsolicited parenting advice from everyone forever.

And for the record, going to bed angry is a good thing sometimes.
 
FrenzyJen said:
Yuk!! I hated getting marriage advice. I kept a trash bin inside my brain where I directly put it all.

It never stops!! When you have a a baby its what you should be doing during pregnancy&delivery, and then there’s the fools who tell you to “sleep while the baby sleeps” and then its unsolicited parenting advice from everyone forever.

And for the record, going to bed angry is a good thing sometimes.
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I am so with you.

A great response to unwanted advice is to smile and nod. Then ignore.
 
maryjk said:
I am so with you.

A great response to unwanted advice is to smile and nod. Then ignore.
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Wow, I’m really surprised to hear people would feel that way.

Unless someone is trying to force their way upon me, I’m usually thankful if they give advice. There is a lot one can miss but need to hear, and who knows if God is using them to communicate that with you or not.
 
Cat said:
I suggest that both of you read The Five Love Languages. It’s awesome and you will be glad you did.
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I was going to suggest that as well. A really good book!

Thanks OP for sharing your experience.
 
AnneElizabeth said:
Wow, I’m really surprised to hear people would feel that way.

Unless someone is trying to force their way upon me, I’m usually thankful if they give advice. There is a lot one can miss but need to hear, and who knows if God is using them to communicate that with you or not.
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I agree with you.

When I am going somewhere that I have never been, I solicit all the advice I can get. Otherwise, it’s easy to get lost, and it’s likely that I will miss out on the really good stuff.

If you read the various wisdom books in the Bible, you will see plenty of admonitions to heed the advice of elders.
 
They say communication is big but sometimes it hinders miss than it helps. You’re the ones in the relationship so you two make the rules. Decide what advice sounds good and ditch the rest.

For me, I learned that understanding isn’t the same as agreeing. At a certain point just summarize the other’s pov and confirm there is clarity then agree to disagree, hug and kiss, then move on to throw her off balance. 😉
 
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