Sometimes I wish there were female priest... Confession troubles

[rose.gold]

So I think I just committed a mortal sin (I feel like an idiot for doing so UGH) but I’m not sure. When it comes to sexual sins, I know that your intentions are very important. But sometimes in the moment I don’t know what my intentions are, so it’s hard to say if I committed sin or not. It’s difficult to tell if I’m just being scrupulous or if I’m not being strict enough.

I’d like to confess this of course, whether I’ve mortally sinned or not, just in case. However, please someone tell me that a teenage girl having a discussion about kissing her boyfriend with a 30-60 year old man isn’t the most awkward situation ever smh. Especially in face-to-face confession. In times like these, having a female priest to go to sounds so nice lol. I want to go to confession as soon as possible and I’d like to go into detail instead of just saying “I acted impurely” but I think I’ll have to choose the latter. That’s very unfortunate though because I’d love to have advice for when I’m stuck in these situations.

Thank you for listening to my rant lol. I just don’t know what to do when there’s a situation in which I feel it would be inappropriate for me to talk about with an older man (I understand that they’re acting in persona christi but still. Awkward.) Any advice?

 

[Kei]

The embarrassment and shame thing is one of the reasons I love having the option to not be face-to-face but behind a screen.

 

[JimG]

An old priest may understand the situation better than you think. Anyway, there’s no need to go into detail. Not really any need to discuss whether it was mortal or venial; it will be absolved either way. But it’s bothering you, so just mention it.

 

[MNathaniel]

I’d like to confess this of course, whether I’ve mortally sinned or not, just in case. However, please someone tell me that a teenage girl having a discussion about kissing her boyfriend with a 30-60 year old man isn’t the most awkward situation ever smh. Especially in face-to-face confession. In times like these, having a female priest to go to sounds so nice lol. I want to go to confession as soon as possible and I’d like to go into detail instead of just saying “I acted impurely” but I think I’ll have to choose the latter. That’s very unfortunate though because I’d love to have advice for when I’m stuck in these situations.

Thank you for listening to my rant lol. I just don’t know what to do when there’s a situation in which I feel it would be inappropriate for me to talk about with an older man (I understand that they’re acting in persona christi but still. Awkward.) Any advice?

1. It literally isn’t the most awkward situation ever. Seriously, spare a thought for the older women confessing sexual sins to men young enough to be their own children (or grandchildren). And that’s still barely scratching the surface of Confessional awkwardness.
2. Detail is unnecessary for Confession. At least, it depends on what you mean. Mentioning the category of sin sufficient that your priest basically understands what you’re confessing, is all that is necessary for him to continue, unless he’s confused and asks you for more detail. Gory details aren’t necessary. (“I committed murder” is enough, you don’t need to describe the dripping blood.)

It’s possible your priest will actually be able to provide you fairly decent advice even without you going into the level of detail you think will be necessary.

Alternately, if you want counsel for what to do in these situations of near sin, but don’t feel comfortable asking a priest, might I suggest you seek out a stable female spiritual director? That is, see a priest for sacramental Confession, but see your female spiritual director for detailed counsel and back and forth conversations?

 

[rivera01]

I think that having shame in the sins that we commit is good, it helps you to have contrition for your sins. There are many things that I have been embarrassed saying to a priest in my confession, but I’d rather suffer embarrassment than to possibly go to hell because I was embarrassed. As far as the priest bring a man, just remember that Christ is a man as well. Even though He never committed a sin, He expect us to lower ourselves and be humble to confess. To sin mortally, 3 conditions have to be met: 1 grave matter, 2 knowledge that it was a grave matter, 3 full consent. To confess mortal sins your are obligated to say in kind and number. I do not know what exactly you have to confess, but as far as kidding is concerned, I have heard it say by a number of priests that passionate kissing outside of marriage is a mortal sin.

 

[rosejmj]

I get that. While maybe it’s weird to seek counsel from an older man about these things maybe you could talk to a married women whom you trust or a young adult women who you know and trust and share the faith with.

 

[kapp19]

Your action neither seems to be necessarily as grave a sin as you think (and possibly not sinful at all), nor would such things so much as raise an eyebrow of literally any priest in the Western world. Just be brief, be blunt, be forgiven, and be gone.

Intentions are indeed very important for purity, as such things can typically only be mortal sins “from their cause,” meaning, what are they being done for the sake of. (These desires being immediate impulses which catch you off guard, before you can meaningfully exercise control over your body and emotions, would be another indication of venial sin rather than mortal sin.) The general principle I recommend is “don’t start what you can’t finish.” If you are trying to move toward doing something illicit, even internally (in your mind and will, or in your body), beyond what you are actually outwardly doing, then stop. And stay away from the edge of the cliff in the first place.

Have a discussion with your boyfriend about your intentions and boundaries. Ask other pious and respectable young women you know and whose relationships you admire for their take as well.

-K