Son girlfriend visiting, can she stay with us in separate room?

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Hi, both my son and his girlfriend (20 years old ) are in active military and she’s visiting NY to see the ball drop for a week. At first I thought nothing of letting her stay with us for the week in a separate room to save money for her on hotel but then I thought it may set a bad example for my teen daughter?
I’m not sure anymore of my instinct to welcome her to stay the nights. My son will be staying at her parents house for Thanksgiving in a separate room as they invited him.

I really appreciate your advice.
Thank you
 
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having her stay in a separate room this time is perfectly fine.

no one should/would think it equals you condoning her staying over whenever she wants to in the future, or in a room with him. i think it would show proper behavior, and charity to one’s neighbors, and would not be a bad example to your daughter.

separate room is key, as would be for any overnight relatives or friends.
 
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Theresa1 said:
At first I thought nothing of letting her stay with us for the week in a separate room to save money for her on hotel but then I thought it may set a bad example for my teen daughter?
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What about this would be a “bad example”?
 
I wasn’t really sure myself exactly. Maybe that they’re boyfriend and girlfriend and sleeping in the same house even with parents there. I wasn’t too sure myself
 
that’s what I wasn’t sure about. I don’t want my daughter to ask me to stay a week at her boyfriends house because her brother did it. i think that’s why. Does that make sense? I admit i am not sure of my momentary uneasiness
 
I had a feeling this would go this way. I appreciate your (name removed by moderator)ut! Unfortunately the question format is now unhelpful and even seems unkind so I’ll no longer respond to you. In the manner in which you are trying to get more information from me, you are not offering any advice. Other people had an idea of what I’m asking and responded accordingly. You act like you’re trying to prove some point by feigning you have no idea what I’m asking and it is at the point of me having to disregard. If you have an opinion on the actual matter at hand, whether or not , as other folks have done, you understand precisely what I’m saying than feel free to offer what you might actually do in the situation. Also, I’ve been very clear, several times in fact, I myself am not sure why the doubt, and you keep asking me to tell you. Doesn’t make a bit of sense frankly.
 
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Thanks to all for responding!! I have invited her to stay with us and turns out she had other plans.

Signing off now. Good night and God bless!!!
 
If the OP’s daughter is still a teen living at home, then there’s a good argument that she’s too young to be staying over at her boyfriend’s house even with supervision. 20-year-olds in active military are likely at a different and more trustworthy maturity level. It would be a simple answer to say, “There will be time enough for that when you’re older. Your brother and his girlfriend are responsible adults living on their own. But you’re not yet an adult and you are still my responsibility, and your father and I don’t think it’s a good idea for teenagers to be staying over for extended visits at their boyfriend’s or girlfriend’s houses.”
 
Cecilia_Dympna said:
Had a feeling what would go what way?
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Perhaps the OP felt uncomfortable being pushed to “explain” her discomfort (a vague feeling) & was just saying she had a feeling she might be pushed to do so, while simultaneously feeling she could not. I can relate to the frustration of that. However… I think the sensitivity is the OP’s (and mine, in analogous cases) “issue” and not the fault of anyone here who asked questions. 😉 “The heart has reasons that reason does not know”… but when you start asking questions about what your heart feels, it’s hardly fair to get ruffled when folks ask for reasons. Both parties need to give a little grace.
 
Theresa1 said:
At first I thought nothing of letting her stay with us for the week in a separate room to save money for her on hotel but then I thought it may set a bad example for my teen daughter?
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I think it’s fine as long as it’s clear to your teen that they’re not sharing a room (ex, I’d avoid separate rooms off in a remote wing of the house). When my husband and I were dating we stayed with friends who were married and had kids. They put one of us on the living room couch so it wa sabundantly clear to their kids we were NOT sleeping in the same room / part of the house.
 
It’s fine for you to host her in a separate room. It would be an actual good example for your teen to see a relationship in a chaste manner.

My dad lived with my mom’s family for a few months before the wedding. This was over 53 years ago. It wasn’t scandalous back then.

My grandmother would sit between them in the couch as they watched the” late show. “. I don’t think that part is necessary. 😉
 
Tis_Bearself said:
If the OP’s daughter is still a teen living at home, then there’s a good argument that she’s too young to be staying over at her boyfriend’s house even with supervision.
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Of course. I didn’t mean it would be OK for her as a teen. There would be no reason for a boyfriend to stay over.

I was thinking about when the daughter was on her own as the brother is, coming home for the holidays.
 
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