Sorry, I just need to say this to someone!

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stanncie

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Hi friends, so this might be long so bear with me.

I know an extremely devout lady in church, I’ve known her for about 6 years. We are in the same women’s group and she is active in church in various ministries as well as being an extraordinary Eucharistic minister and a catechist. In short she is extremely devout and very by the book kind of catholic. I have no doubt in this

She has a son who is around my age (30’s) and years back sometimes suggested that we get to know each other better. I always politely refused mainly because I had a strong suspicion he was gay. Well I was proven right since around a year ago she started dropping hints that he was. One day in group she kinda just let it all out and stated she was still proud of him since he was an extraordinary son. This is true by the way from all I’ve seen and observed. Still, I could tell she was deeply troubled by the whole thing since she even cried :(.

She recently had a double knee replacement and since I’m a physical therapist, I offered to go by her house and do a therapy session once she was discharged from rehab. She lives with her son btw in a 2 bedroom apt. So I went visited with her and her son and did the therapy Suddenly I saw another young man come in. Naturally I said hi to him but no one introduced me and he just went into the son’s room and quickly came out with a towel and proceeded to go to the bathroom to take a shower. After a while he came out and left with the son to run an errand. Again no one introduced me and they kinda just rushed out. He was quite feminine so I could put 2 and 2 together.

God forgive me if I’m wrong but everything leads me to believe they are a couple. Obviously I never asked anything to her or the son. I will of course not mention this to anyone in church or anywhere else since it’s not my place.

I feel really bad for her because I know she has to be very conflicted about this. I don’t judge her either because I know the church teaches we shouldn’t tolerate this but I understand why she does since it’s her baby son. 🤷🤷

Again I’m just writing this to vent and to let it out without harming anyone. You may comment if you like
 
There is so much about the situation you can’t know. Pray for both of them, but otherwise let it go.
 
Why do you need to say this to someone? You already mentioned it to over 300. 000 people. I am sure someone will figure out who you are referring to. You went to give the lady PT. That should have been your mission-your only mission. File everything else in a locked cabinet and let it go. Continue your PT. Minister to the good woman and be a good Samaritan as she carries HER cross. Peace.
 
Why do you need to vent? What is there to vent about? None of this speculation sounds at all appropriate.
 
If she is as devout as you say she is, I’m sure she knows and is aware of any wrong doings thag may be going on, let’s just pray for her fast recovery and leave it between her and God 🙂
 
PaulfromIowa said:
Why do you need to vent? What is there to vent about? None of this speculation sounds at all appropriate.
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Exactly.

What are you venting about? And why do you need to tell people about it? The private life of this lady or her son is none of your business, let alone ours.

Lou
 
Thank you all for your replies. Like I said in my OP I don’t plan on telling this to anyone. Since I go to a hispanic parish where the majority don’t speak English I really doubt anyone will read it but I guess one can never be too careful and maybe I acted imprudently.

Of course I believe she is praying for her son and again like I stated I’m not judging her, it just shocked me that’s all. I am prone to gossip so maybe I should confess this post to a priest. Again thank you for your perspectives
 
PaulfromIowa said:
Why do you need to vent? What is there to vent about? None of this speculation sounds at all appropriate.
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Her post is more of a debrief than a vent.

This is an upsetting situation happening to a good friend of hers. I do not just mean that the two men might be more than friends, because that is a big “might.” Even homosexual men who are entirely indiscriminate in their sexual lives still have friends who are only friends and yet find it convenient to offer to use their place to clean up and change clothes. The mother might be upset because her extraordinary son’s manners could use some work. That is an embarrassment to the OPs friend, and I suspect that this is more what is upsetting to the OP than the appearance of things.

If not, we at the very least can be kind to her when venturing that her thinking may need correction, wouldn’t you say?
 
stanncie said:
Thank you all for your replies. Like I said in my OP I don’t plan on telling this to anyone. Since I go to a hispanic parish where the majority don’t speak English I really doubt anyone will read it but I guess one can never be too careful and maybe I acted imprudently.

Of course I believe she is praying for her son and again like I stated I’m not judging her, it just shocked me that’s all. I am prone to gossip so maybe I should confess this post to a priest. Again thank you for your perspectives
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You aren’t even identified as to what section of the world you come from. The overall situation is so common that you could be anywhere, since anyone reading this has to assume you could have altered a few details to cover your trail. It would take a big leap for anyone to conclude you have to be some particular person in their parish.
 
PaulfromIowa said:
Why do you need to vent? What is there to vent about? None of this speculation sounds at all appropriate.
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Why are you being so hard on the OP? She was put in an awkward position and need to talk about it.

OP, sounds like you did the right thing, you didn’t react. I would have been quite embarrassed if I was in your shoes.
 
I wouldn’t say anything about it to her or anyone else. You were in her house, and it’s her house, her business. Leave it alone and pray she’s feeling better soon.
 
stanncie said:
I feel really bad for her because I know she has to be very conflicted about this. I don’t judge her either because I know the church teaches we shouldn’t tolerate this but I understand why she does since it’s her baby son. 🤷🤷
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As a mother it is one of the hardest things to know how much to tolerate from adult children who have little or no faith. If they own the apartment together, he probably has more of a right to live the way he wants, but still there’s a lack of respect there for his mother if he does have partners stay overnight.

My brothers daughter had been living out of home with her partner for years. They bought a house and had to move out of it while asbestos was removed so asked if they could come and live with my brother and sil for the duration. My brother allowed them to even though they were living as husband and wife but it really bothered him and he was embarrassed about it. They are engaged now but there’s such a dilemma when your children just simply don’t share your faith and when there is no social taboo against the behaviour to inform them otherwise.

These are some of the very dilemmas the Synod was addressing for the struggling parents of this generation.
 
LongingSoul said:
They are engaged now but there’s such a dilemma when your children just simply don’t share your faith and when there is no social taboo against the behaviour to inform them otherwise.
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My mom was very clear about the house rules. My brother brought a girlfriend home once for the holidays. My mom not wishing to cause scandal was clear to everyone (ie the whole town) different bedroom in order. How do I know my mom told everyone you ask ? My mom got me an appointment with her hairdresser who said to me ‘What world does your mom live in’ :eek: The hairdresser didn’t realize I was on my mom’s side.

Next trip home I got to try out a new salon 😃
 
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