Soulmates and Breakups (Please see reply)

[buttercup0814]

Hi! I am looking for people that have been in the male perspective of this part of a relationship, or perhaps a female that also has been through what I’m about to describe, or anything similar.

2 years ago I met a man that lived quite a few hours away from me. It was a brief meeting, but I knew God was calling me to him, I knew I loved him almost immediately, and I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life. Thanks to social media, we found each other and connected for a few months, he flew across the country and drove me back to my home (I’m trying to be somewhat anonymous to protect our privacy). I was on a mission and when it ended, after only knowing him for a short time, he decided he needed to come get me. We had a wonderful drive back, we saw a lot of sights, made us Facebook official and said “I love you” for the first time.

I have quite a few family issues that in turn caused mental issues that I’ve been dealing with for a while now. I had a hold on them for a while and after 3 months of dating I decided to move to the same city he was living in to be closer to him and to further our relationship together. For the first 6 months everything was as good as it could have been. Our relationship lasted 1 year and 8 months, and it was rocky since the 8th month.

I was so wrapped up in my own issues, and he was holding me up so I wouldn’t drown. He held me up for 8 months without fail. He gave me his happiness, his family, everything. We have been broken up for almost a full month now, we’ve seen each other a few times since then. For the first few weeks I was still in the denial stage “this isn’t happening” “his loss” “there’s no way he will move on”… Well, he has been hanging out with an old girlfriend of his. He has been really kind and has told me they are only friends, shes someone he has known for a while and is comfortable with. He doesn’t have to tell me anything, but he knows I’m in an extremely fragile state in my life and wants me to know the truth. I totally believe what he is saying and I have no doubt he wouldn’t tell the truth.

Yesterday, I realized I had a bunch of “our” things that I hadn’t put away or done something with. So I got an old shoe box and decided to put them all together. I found some movie tickets, a couple birthday cards, and then I found a letter that he gave, the only letter he has given me, when we reached our 7th month of dating… Summed up it says “I love you, you’re beautiful, I know you and I are meant to be, I want to be the best man and husband for you, I think we should give each other some breathing room so we don’t implode later on, I hope you understand I only say this because I want to spend my life with you, etc.”

So, when I read this the first time a year ago, I was furious “how could you not want to spend every second with me, what is wrong with you, blah blah blah”… Now that I’m looking back, I realize how absorbed I was into myself and my own problems, and I didn’t see the wonderful man asking me for help. I regret this so much. All I want to do is go backwards and fix it, but I know that is impossible.

See reply for the rest…

 

[buttercup0814]

cont.
As I said before we had seen each other a few times, we saw a movie (it was an emotional tribute to my late cousin and it was something we both needed to do together) and he took care of me for a while when I was sick over that same weekend. When we parted, we said #1 we shouldn’t do this again, and #2 he said “If we are meant to come back together, we will be together forever, I will be the man you’re ready for”. Not just that, but 100 “I love you’s”, and so many things we both needed to hear. A lot of it was comforting and familiar, but it started to feel like it used to in those first 6 months, which of course had to do with being apart for so long.

Also, to summarize our breakup, we were in a long term relationship for the long haul. He was tired of carrying my depressed self on his back and lost the “in love” feeling, and lost the will to work to love me. He wasn’t perfect either, and it was evenly our own faults for falling apart, but at this time I can’t think of anything he did wrong… He says we need time alone to fix ourselves and continue with our lives. He never guaranteed us a chance to get back together, only “Its always going to be you and me, we don’t know for sure”.

While we were together we were both practicing Catholics that attended Mass weekly (I go twice a week) and the sacrament of confession frequently. I am continuing to do so. I do know he hasn’t been to confession since the last time we went together, and I’m not sure if he is continuing to attend mass.

You need all of this background to get to here.

He is seeing other people, I’m sure as a distraction, I am trying to as well but since I have only been in this new city for a year or so I don’t have too many close friends, male or female.
I know that I am hurting, hurting to the extent of not being able to eat or being nauseous for days. He tells me, has told me, and keeps telling me all of those sweet things I mentioned, except when we are separated. He says he is moving on and will find someone new, and suggests that I do the same. I know that he is hurting, but I guess what I’m confused about is how can he go from almost 2 years of being absolutely in love with me, to being ready to move on so quickly? Is this a male thing? Did I totally ruin his feelings for me because of how blind, selfish, and ignorant I was?

Please see final reply…