Speaking about members of the opposite Sex

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Lion-Heart

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I had a conversation with one of my friends the other day about the way I speak about women. Now I am Catholic and not married, Im in my late twenties and I am living(at least trying my best) to live a chaste life. I dont talk dirty about women, and I actually hate that kind of speech. When I do see a really attractive girl I do not hesitate to say to my friends, “yo that chick is da bomb” or " man this girl is fine." I grew up in the 90s and 2000s in the South, honestly its just the way I speak and I dont mean anything sexual or bad about it. However, my friend though he says this kind of speech isnt dirty he says it objectifies women. What do guys think?
 
Your friend might be right. The way of speaking that you describe, while it may be normal in some communities, does focus on the appearance of a person and not the whole person as a unique and complex human being.

Suppose you have some remarkable feature that is obvious from looking at you. Let’s say you are tall, and people remark, every day, wherever you go, “That man sure is tall.” Would that make sense? How would you feel? There are a thousand things about you which make you the man you really are, and they just stare and point out how tall you are.

That might not be the best example, but I’m hoping it shows how talking about a person’s appearance might not show them the respect they are due.
 
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OP, perhaps you should not speak in cliches as you usually do. As Cajun suggested, if she is pretty, say she is pretty. If she has beautiful hair, say so.

But never say someone is “hot.” That is just like a code for something beyond admiring someone’s looks.
 
What types of compliments would you like someone to pay your sister? What types of things would you not like someone to say about your sister.
 
There are two considerations that are operative here. One is the way your verbal reference to attractive women affects yourself and your actions. If you use of colloquialism does not in any way, objectify that woman to yourself, if you respect her and your language is simply you’re personal way of admiring another, I don’t think there is anything wrong with what you are doing.
The second thing is, how does it affect those you are with or are in earshot. If your use of colloquialism causes others to objectify or even cross the line to lust, then I would think twice about the influence you are having on others.
Remember something about language. It has a significant impact on others actions and perceptions. For example, in war, no one says “men we are going out today to kill the enemy who are fathers, sons, brothers, husbands, and uncles.” No, you say you are going to “waste” gooks, nips, krauts, etc. etc. (apologize to anyone offended by the terminology) You depersonalize another to allow you to do them harm. Or, no one says they want to kill a baby as it is growing in its mother. They say they want to terminate a fetus. Big difference. Language must be understood and used in light of the effect it has on others.
My $.02.
Shalom
 
thats a good point, and as I mentioned I never speak dirty about the women. I have no problem with people calling my sisters fine or “da bomb” lol. As long as its not dirty then I see no problem with it. I really think its just natural to speak this way and not a sin whatsoever as I know I dont mean it in a different way. Even saying someone is “hot” what is the problem with that? I find Catholics who think we shouldnt speak like this to be sort of puratinistic and can give non-christians the impression that we are being sanctamonius, that being Christian means you cant be natural or a regular guy. The main thing imo is to be a devout guy who praises the Lord at all costs and stays away from sin, but at the same time a regular down to earth person. Its not normal imo opinion to speak like “steve erkell” or however his name is spelled, and being Christian doesnt mean we have to be like that. Thats just my opinion.
 
Puritanical?

Why don’t you give us your definition of the word hot then?
 
Like anyones definition, it just means very attractive, what is wrong with that? I could understand if you were referring to the word “sexy” which I never use but Hot is totally innocent.
 
Lion-Heart said:
I find Catholics who think we shouldnt speak like this to be sort of puratinistic and can give non-christians the impression that we are being sanctamonius, that being Christian means you cant be natural or a regular guy.
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You did ask what we think, and we answered as best we can. Now it sounds like you don’t like the answers. Oh well. Any other questions?
 
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I just wanted to start a discussion about it, and see what other Catholics think, doesnt mean I dont have my own opinion about the subject, thanks a lot of sharing your thoughts with me though! 🙂
 
I guess he must think it’s okay for him to say his mom looks hot. After all, it just means attractive. 😏
 
I dont know what country you guys grew up in but hot doesnt have to have a sexual connotation to it in the U.S. Sexy is explicitly sexual in its meaning though it still is a synonym with attractive but more “sexual.” People often describe objects as hot as well, “that car is hot” or “get this product while its still hot.” I have literally told my mom shes looking hot I have no problem saying that. Again this all just seem puritanistic.
 
I looked up the usage of the word hot as in attractive. Hundreds of years ago, a hot person was one who was sexually aroused, or perhaps one with a powerful sexual appetite. Many years later it came to include one who excites or incites others in a sexual way. Some time later it came to mean someone or something which is attractive or exciting in a more general way.

Language evolves, and I have no doubt that today the term is not offensive in many sectors of society. Even so, it may be prudent to choose another word when conversing with older or old-fashioned people like myself.
Lion-Heart said:
… just seem puritanistic.
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I am happy to make allowances for your usage of “hot,” but I cannot help but be vexed by the way young people say, of something undesirable, that it “sucks,” which in my youth was considered vulgar in a sexual way. Is that puritanistic as well?
 
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