Speaking to parents always results in argument - should I avoid them?

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Dstin

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Hi guys,

I’m 20 and I have a problem with my parents and grandparents.

It’s not what 20 years old usually argue about though. I always try my best to remain calm and be polite, but what my parents and grandparents do is that they stand their ground no matter what, even if they are wrong - by “being wrong” I don’t mean any subjective view of being wrong, I mean factually wrong.

For example what happened just 10 mins ago - there was one thing that my parents told me we can do and nothing wrong will happen. I was saying to them that “the wrong thing” will happen. They were ridiculing me and saying me I’m crazy. So I let them do it. Later (now) it turned out “the wrong thing” happened. When I told them so, instead of at least admitting their mistake or saying sorry, they were ridiculing me again that I’m even speaking about it and bringing it up.

Various instances of this happen again and again, when they ridicule me for saying something which turns out to be true, and when it happens I’m still the bad guy for saying that what I told them happened.

How should one act in this situation? It’s incredibly difficult to remain calm and get angry with them. I was to confession just yesterday and thankfully I managed to stay calm. I was even thinking about not going to confession long-term because these situations always happen and I just don’t know how to keep talking and being with them when I see how they treat me.

They go to church too, and I just can’t understand how they can keep behaving like this. It makes me so incredibly sad that I can’t even talk to my family without getting into a nasty argument when they are wrong.

When we meet family friends and I see how they talk to their children, how they admit a mistake when they make one, it’s so weird - it’s a a fundamental thing, yet it looks so special to me when I see it and I just wish it could be like that in my family, too.

The only way to avoid this is to stop talking with them besides the basic stuff like saying hi. Is there even a solution to this? Not talking to my parents is a sin I guess, but should I just keep talking to them when it’s totally like they want to make me angry in purpose?

EDIT: Yes, I do live with them

Thanks

P.S. please don’t pray for me, there are people that need it much more than I do
 
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Do you live at home with them? If so, you cannot stop talking to them.

Honestly, it sounds like you are invested in proving them wrong. If you say x will happen, and they say no it won’t and then it does, it is not a good idea to say “I told you so.” It serves no purpose. No parent wants a twenty year old correcting them even if they were wrong. Your parents may not admit they are wrong because they know you will probably be along to point it out.

Maybe you just need to keep your thoughts to yourself and let them “fail” on their own for a bit. Maybe let them ask for your (name removed by moderator)ut once they see they were wrong.

You have to ask yourself if arguing all the time is worth it. But not talking is not a solution.
 
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In my experience, it is very rare for older people to admit they are wrong to someone younger, even the ones that pride themselves in their supposed fairness and open-mindedness.

Just move out as soon as you can. You can’t change them.
 
I think you need to stop talking with them much earlier in the conversation, like as soon as you realize this is one of those rabbit-hole conversations.

So they say, We are going to do X.

You say, Oh, that is interesting. I hope you have a good time.

End of conversation; no argument.

If they press you or ask for your opinion, just repeat I hope you have a good time.

They are grown-ups. Let them make their own mistakes in peace.
 
I agree with all the advice so far–stop trying to convince them that their plans will fail, and stop reminding them after the failure occurs that you tried to warn them.

Does it really the heck matter? Are the issues involved serious (e.g., “I don’t want to take my anti-heart attack medicine–I don’t need it!” --and then one of your loved ones has a heart attack). If it’s serious, well, then, maybe dig in a little. But if it’s trivial (I KNOW I can balance this soda can on my elbow watch–oops!)–leave it alone and don’t gloat over anyone’s goof-ups.

It sounds to me like you are doing the same thing they taught you to do–“proving that you are right.” 🤨

And for heaven’s sake, move out. Even if you have to share a place with 3 other roommates, get out on your own, and if you want to keep your place in that tiny apartment–don’t try to prove anything to your 3 other roommates.
 
Dstin said:
P.S. please don’t pray for me, there are people that need it much more than I do
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There are not a finite number of prayers and everyone needs them.
Don’t tell me not to pray for you; you’re not the boss of me 🙂
 
Dstin said:
when they are wrong.
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I’m sure you’ve been wrong a few times in your life too.

When a person your age is so focused on proving himself right and parents wrong, it’s an indication that he should probably be living on his own or taking steps to achieve that as soon as possible.

Most people who are mature and comfortable with themselves and have established their independence accept that Mom and Dad and grands are not always 100% correct about everything without making a big deal out of it. As someone said, if it actually is a big deal, such as parent chooses to not take prescribed medicine and gets very sick, or parent gets arrested and you have to bail them out of jail, then it’s worth pointing out their bad judgment, but most things don’t reach that level.
 
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