Spiritual Blindness

[PaladinSword]

I was again listening to Father Rippergers sermon on the Rosary and he was talking about how people in habitual sin become more spiritually blind and misled by the demonic. I have had moments in christilogical meditation where I truly feel like Christ is present through the rosary but they are just moments in the journey. I have had a lot of trauma in life and chronic relapses over the years but I in general feel like I’m just not as zealous as I was during my confirmation year. I have had experiences I thought were diabolic before. even like the smells or certain odours. how do I know I’m not just being scrupulous? I dont really have a particular question it’s just I feel in a low point today. sometimes when I am doing really good I feel more wretched. and when I am not so good almost like modernist and at peace with it. I am finding faith to be more difficult after developing and growing up over the years but it is still something I cling to. I had put myself self at risk just by having a normal life. I typically wasnt going to mass often for the past few years but now that i cant recieve any of the sacraments it really does seem bleak sometimes though i feel like all of this is changing soon or at least people have a more relaxed attitude about the situation lately. I have a great desire for more of God in my life and sometimes want to point the finger but have no one to blame but myself I mean we are all human. I maybe want to hear a story about how do you experience joy and consolation from the Lord? it just seems kinda desolate for me. Fr said if one prays the rosary simply for the consolations it is something like being selfish and implying we still have to be willing to hear silence or to suffer in order for God to tear the roots of sin out of our souls. I thought I was a true believer but now I feel like a heretical dabbler or a skeptic. anyway I just wanted to put some of these thoughts out there and wonder if anyone is going through the same thing? I very much wonder how large of a log I might have within my own eye.

 

[PaladinSword]

thank you so much the day was pretty dramatic but I listened and it has been very nice tonight.

 

[Bluebright]

Periods of desolation are normal in prayer life as well as part of temptation. One thing that really helps when you recognise that you are in this period is to ask holy people to pray for you. That’s why saints recommend keeping good friendships or avoiding bad ones, well at least it’s one of the reasons. If you don’t have any Holy friends yet, then ask your priest or you can always ask Our Lady to pray for you. The Hail Mary is designed to do just that.

But recognise that as Fr. R says aridity is just part of growing. I heard it explained really well recently so I’ll try pass it on. At a point in development babies learn about object permanence ie. That when their parents aren’t in their sight they still exist and they can crawl after them into the other room to look for them. They follow them. This is much like aridity. Initially God makes himself present to us with consolations and it’s easy. As we move on often he hides himself from us presumably to make us work a little harder in looking for him ie. follow him. So the answer is to be present in prayer whether it is easy or hard, whether we feel like its worth it or not and to keep on showing up and praying with or without consolation ie whether we feel God or not…in other words …follow him. I hope that helps. God is right with you, whether you feel him or not, he is only seemingly not present. This is a test of love. Do you love him? Or the things of him, that is the consolations (good feelings of prayer) ? Will you stay the distance? God bless you