Spiritual Desolation

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I would like to know how other people have coped when God goes silent and seems to have left you alone.

I know, I know…He never leaves us alone, etc., but sometimes God seems to withdraw from your life. It’s like having parents who feed, clothe and shelter you (materially, I am taken care of), but who never look you in the eyes or speak to you.

It used to be hardly two days would go by, at most, after I’d asked God for some help before I experienced consolation or found some answer. Now…nothing. Empty silence.

Ironically enough, this silence began three years ago when God asked me to make the biggest sacrifice of my life. When I said, ‘Your will be done,’ I thought I would die from the pain, but instead felt tremendous joy and lightness…for about three days, until the pain kicked in again. That was three years ago. God has been silent ever since.

I think I’ve been through all the stages of crying out for God to come back, demanding that He return, begging Him for just a crumb of reassurance that I’m doing His will…to now a sort of bland, beige plodding along to Mass (almost daily), through the rosary (generally mindlessly), Divine Mercy, confession (when I can find an English-speaking priest, about four times per year). It’s like I don’t have anything to bring to Him, because He has stopped giving me anything to come to Him with.

It feels like this will go on forever and my faith will never bring me joy again.

Anyone who has been through this, tell me your happy ending - please?
 
Nel, I’m so sorry for your troubles. Have you read the autobiography of St. Therese of Lisieux? It’s called The Story of a Soul. During the last part of her life, she experienced a total spiritual darkness, which never lifted until the moment of her death. I know that’s not the happy ending you’re looking for, but reading about her sufferings may give you some insight.

As I was typing this, it occurred to me that sometimes acting as if things are better than they are can help turn things around. Perhaps you could turn your prayer around from begging for a crumb to thanking God for absolutely everything - for your life, your faith, the Mass, the fact that the light was green when you were in a hurry, for how delicious cheesecake is, for the CA forums, for the Holy Father, for a good haircut, for the sunset, and even for your darkness. God’s will is being carried out all the time, sometimes in mysterious ways, and that’s worth a lot of thanksgiving, even if we don’t understand what’s going on. Thanksgiving and trust will go hand in hand. God bless you!

Betsy
 
Be patient. Don’t be afraid. The Lord loves you and never, ever leaves you. How will you know if you love Him if He always gives you consolations. How will you know you love Him for Himself, for who you know Him to be? Yours is an experience shared by the saints…

Consider a little child who always jumps for joy when daddy comes home from a trip, because he always brings her a present… Only this time, he doesn’t … Will she still love him
(Of course…, but HIS doubts may be eased)
 
Nel,

I know what you mean. Sometimes there is a feeling of aloneness, bleakness, desolation almost, when it feels like I’m going through the motions but God has left me and I don’t know why.

Then one day, it occurred to me God didn’t go anywhere…this is what it feels like when I (meaning my soul) is low on sanctifying grace. In my case I think I had allowed my focus to slide back to myself.

Now sanctifying grace is a gift from God in our souls required to be able to see him in heaven. We use God’s help through actual grace to acquire this sactifying grace. And circumstances, choices, and probably the operation of the devil had caused me to lose a large portion of what sanctifying grace I had.

Well I don’t have a personal sanctfying grace meter, but if I was right then I needed to reacquire this grace – become holier. Luckily the Church tells us how: works of mercy, sincerely approach the sacraments, confession and penance, etc.; it’s in the catechism. For me the focus on others was the key I think.

So anyway Nel, I think it’s not God’s withdrawal but ours, and this feeling we’re talking about is what it feels like to have pulled away from God. I think it’s much more noticeable and painful because we remember what the other extreme was like.

Hope this was of some help. Pray for me Nel – I’m praying for you.
 
This phenomena is known as “Spiritual Dryness” and many discussions around it use a general metaphor to the Desert and Desert-terms.

Keep up your prayer-life. The big temptation is to stop because you are no longer feeling God’s presence. Don’t. Continue as if you feel God’s presence as strong as ever because in reality He is there.

Many of the mystics of the church, such as St. John of the Cross and St. Teresa of Avila, have written about it. St. John of the Cross called it the “Dark Night of the Soul”. Blessed Mother Theresa of Calcuta experienced it most of her life

This is an opportunity for the you the journeyer to grow deeper in your faith and love for God. ❤️

I have written a meditation called Growing in the Spiritual Desert URL: stobie.home.sprynet.com/religion/GrowDesert.htm - Read it - it will help.
 
The most holy of holies have experienced this, and it may just mean that you have advanced spiritually. I think it’s hard, especially when we crave God’s love, but like Thomas A. Stobie said, look to the saints who have experienced the dark night of the soul. Think, “this too shall pass.” It will. It seems sometimes the hardest times in our lives is when we feel abandoned. Or when our lives change and we work to become closer to God. Do not fret. You are not alone. What it does, if you can perservere (sometimes perserverence is a hard-learned character. I still struggle with it) is that it helps for spiritual growth. I think we do not grow from our blessings, but our struggles.

I went through a difficult time in my life (one of my worst), and I prayed the rosary to please let it pass. It did not, and I felt God wasn’t hearing my prayers. Finally I realized He just needed me to trust Him and let go. (Letting go then was like releasing a death-iron grip on a bar I was hanging on to keep me from a raging river beneath). But I did. Everything. Whether I lived, died, lost a soul dear to me. And He carried me the rest of the way. I still had to go through it, but I just had to let Him chart my course. Not easy. Even today.

One more thing - I found I had to reconcile with God as well through confession to renew my loving bond. I didn’t realize how far away I was from Him, until I returned to His loving embrace.
 
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Nel:
I would like to know how other people have coped when God goes silent and seems to have left you alone.

I know, I know…He never leaves us alone, etc., but sometimes God seems to withdraw from your life. It’s like having parents who feed, clothe and shelter you (materially, I am taken care of), but who never look you in the eyes or speak to you.

It used to be hardly two days would go by, at most, after I’d asked God for some help before I experienced consolation or found some answer. Now…nothing. Empty silence.

Ironically enough, this silence began three years ago when God asked me to make the biggest sacrifice of my life. When I said, ‘Your will be done,’ I thought I would die from the pain, but instead felt tremendous joy and lightness…for about three days, until the pain kicked in again. That was three years ago. God has been silent ever since.

I think I’ve been through all the stages of crying out for God to come back, demanding that He return, begging Him for just a crumb of reassurance that I’m doing His will…to now a sort of bland, beige plodding along to Mass (almost daily), through the rosary (generally mindlessly), Divine Mercy, confession (when I can find an English-speaking priest, about four times per year). It’s like I don’t have anything to bring to Him, because He has stopped giving me anything to come to Him with.

It feels like this will go on forever and my faith will never bring me joy again.

Anyone who has been through this, tell me your happy ending - please?
Click to expand...
The Rosary… Daily Mass if you can… don’t give up, don’t ever give up… keep running the race, keep fighting the fight, it’s only the darkest before the dawn… i’m running out of cliche’s… hang in there… 👍
 
Dear Nel,
Just a simple reassurance. I am in the process of reading “The Way of Divine Love” and in it we discover that Sr. Josepha was granted periods of dryness too. She was troubled and asked the Lord why? He replied that at those moments spiritual warmth was removed from her to rest with another soul who was very much in need.
Jesus knows that even though you feel this great dryness / coldness and this lack of closeness you will still remain faithful no matter how hard it gets because you love Him. He thanks you for you are directly helping Him to save a soul somewhere. Imagine your spiritual warmth so precious to God has been taken by Him to warm a cold soul!
He will return warmth to you when that soul to whom it is now given comes back fully to Him.
Remember too that what you are concerned with at present is feelings and emotions. Nothing wrong with that. Our faith, however, is far greater than that.
When we experience spiritual warmth we know He loves us and we know He is very close. When it is removed and coldness prevails that is when we have the greatest chance to show Him how much we love Him by remaining faithful.
Sr. Faustina said “One hour spent at the foot of the Altar or at the foot of the Cross in the greatest dryness of Spirit is dearer to Me than a hundred years of worldly pleasures”
Finally think on the humble (horrible!!) seaweed. In order to complete its life cycle it must spend half of its life in water and half out of water. Without that balance its attempt at a full life is futile. The grains of sand on the shore are baked under the hot sand when the tide is out, but they are assured of the refreshing return of the sea with the incoming tide.
Jesus will reward you. Just spend this time well so that when He returns your warmth (as He will) He will say well done good and faithful servant.
God Bless,
Fergal
Naas
 
Thank you all…

I don’t think there’s ever been a temptation to give up and turn my back on God. Peter’s reply is always with me: “To whom would we go? You have the words of eternal life.”

I’ve read St. Therese’s *Autobiography. *During one reading, I was struck by her analogy of being a ball in Jesus’ hands, that He could play with or toss away. I remember thinking that God could do that with me (so reckless!). I had no idea that He’d do it or that it might hurt.:bigyikes:

You’re right about being thankful. I have to remind myself to look around and say, ‘Thanks for the flowers; thanks that I found the curtains I’ve been looking for; thanks for the short line at the store.’ But it’s a practice, not something that just comes bubbling up.

True, Flounder, that God hasn’t gone anywhere. When I do as Betsy advises, of course I realize how infinitely blessed I am compared to so many. You’re right, Mike: nothing like desolation to make us see whether we’re loving God for the goodies or for Himself. But I’m the type who says, ‘OK, God, got it: Love you for Yourself. You can stop hiding now.’ I’m a quick study…or so I thought.

I’ve been through that period of thinking I must have committed some horrible sin or be in a state of some horrible sin, but the odd thing is that since this started - how do I say this? It’s been easier, let’s say, not to sin. In my daily examination of conscience I keep asking God if I’m blind to something, and…nothing.

Fergal, thank you! I wrote my post and then felt drawn to the cathedral. I spent time in with the Blessed Sacrament (where I made that big sacrifice), and while no consolation came to me, it did come to me to offer up the pain I’ve been feeling - the acuteness of the desolation, if you will - for someone in particular. That’s been the only meaning or sense I can get out of this. About 8 years ago I had a profound experience in prayer to pray for the conversion of certain people. This call seemed then, and still seems to be the solution to a painful situation. Although my rosary and Divine Mercy for that intention is often rote, it’s still the desire of my heart. So that’s what I did with the pain today - offered it for that particular situation/those people. It’s funny, Fergal, but you said almost what I was praying: “God, if you are keeping away from me in order to pour out the grace there, then so be it.”

Fergal, I’m going to print out what your wrote. And Mr. Stobie I’m going to print out your essay and prayer.

Thank you all so much. God bless you.

Nel
 
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