Spiritual Desolation?

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Hello. I am actually fairly new to CAF, so I don’t know if this is supposed to go in this category. I was born with a Catholic grandmother, who insisted that I be baptized, so I’ve been non-practicing my whole life, going the occasional Saturday evening with my grandmother to mass, and for Christmas. This past summer I entered faith formation to continue my sacraments. Enough with that.

I have struggled greatly over the past few years with my spirituality. I never really feel the presence of God in prayer, Mass, or just about anywhere. The only major time I feel any awareness is when I separate myself from the everyday world, such as on a camp or retreat. Prayer has been really dry for me. There has been the occasional moments where I do feel that presence, most profoundly the time I felt a call to the priesthood. I have begun discernment on this, but it has been extremely difficult given the current state I am in spiritually. I was wondering if this could be spiritual desolation? I have seen the topic before and I just didn’t know.

Thanks,

Dylan
 
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Dylan, thank God, and I do, for your grandmother.

Your relationship to God is absolutely personal, but the Church as a whole has a role to take in this. You are not alone in your solitude, ironic as it sounds. You have let us all in on an intimate feeling that many of us feel.

I often doubt, I often hear nothing. I pray and pray and pray, as do you. Yet patience is the hardest lesson to learn. This day and that day will end; I want you to understand something: the past is gone, the future doesn’t exist. Only God knows the future, and only He remembers the past. For you, it is nothing, and this is what God gives to us. Anxiety needn’t dampen your day. Keep praying. Keep going to Mass. Talk to your priest, and speak to your grandmother.

I am praying for you.

Spiritual desolation is a test. Read the bible, the Church Fathers, and the writings of the saints. In these texts you have nothing to fear. Life goes on second to second, but God gives you mercy to understand His gospel as you take your pace.

God Bless!
 
Spiritual desolation can occur for several reasons. If one is in a sinful state, or possibly lacking in prayer, God sometimes allows a desolation so that person gets a sort of “wake up call” and changes their ways.

Spiritual desolation can also occur when someone is further up on the spiritual ladder. God allows this so that they may continue to do the will of God without the consolations that come with it. It’s a way for God to make sure you will stick with Him even when you don’t feel Him. After that, if you trudge on, you move up on the spiritual ladder.

Try reading some about what St. Ignatius writes about spiritual consolations and desolations. Very helpful on the subject.

 
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Hi Dylan,

Have you developed any sort of Marian devotion ? The Rosary is a very powerful means to break out of spiritual dryness.

At least for me it has proved so.

God Bless
 
God makes His presence known when you least expect it. When taking a step deeper into faith like receiving the Sacrament of Confirmation or Ordination or being received into the Catholic Church for converts, there is very often a time of struggle, dryness or even “free fall”.

God isn’t a nice, cosy feeling but the creator of the universe and knows all the hairs on your body. Meditate on Ps 139:1-18 and Ps 104. One step at the time so Sacrament of Confirmation before thinking about the priesthood. Continue going to mass and receiving the Sacrament of Confession. Talk to your priest or deacon about your struggles. They have seen it before and most likely been through it themselves and can help you in how to move forward.
 
Sometimes I think we all want faith to be easy street, and how easy it is when God is giving us signs and raining down miracles. Perhaps we are more like our OT forefathers than we want to be. How many times did God do wonderous miracles to get their attention only to have them get amnesia and turn stiff-necked again? No matter how dry they felt spiritually God never abandoned them or broke His covenant. Their journey and struggles are well documented, which brings me to this…

I was lacking faith and in the dessert for over 25 years, then by the grace of God brought back by a horrific circumstance (demonic attack). I received miracle after miracle, faith became easy street, especially the first three years after. Then the miracles seemed to dry up, I guess faith to me started to feel a bit boring as I came down from that spiritual high. Prayer became a burden and I asked myself why do it if my heart wasn’t in it. I tried to force my faith but to no avail. Being put in a time out chair by God is really hard!

But here is the kicker, I was acting just like those folks in the desert. I was so dry and feeling abandoned while my family and friends remained consistent in their faith. Back when faith was new and alive for me I had taken the time to document the miracles and how God was working through me. Re-reading a couple of those events has lit the fire again! I was reminded of how strong my faith was and why. Enduring that desert time has made me appretiate my wife more than ever, she had my back the whole time, and I bet your grandmother has yours!!

My advice, document your journey, all the good times and even the bad when you feel alone or dry spiritually. That’s what the OT is about, their documented journey to the Promise Land. Everything that happened was a lesson from God, your whole life is a lesson as well, we just have to have patience and believe in the wisdom of God, the guidance of the Holy Spirit, and follow the example of Christ, which is to pick up our cross and follow Him.

One of these days you are going to be there to help someone who is in the same situation you are in now. You will look back and see God’s plan for you and realize He always has a purpose. You will be able to say been there done that and help others.

God bless, and you will be in my prayers.
 
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