Spiritual Direction for quiet people?

[SecretaryMonday]

I have been told that I ought to find a spiritual director, but I don’t talk, and occasionally I get nervous and “can’t” talk even when I wish I could think of something to say.

I recently went on a silent retreat because attendees had the option of receiving a session of spiritual direction if they wished. The “silent” part of the retreat was way too easy, but even though I had spent time planning subjects I might like to bring up, I realized that I was not going to be able to have a discussion with the priest. This was disheartening because I had mentally selected him as the priest I would most likely be able to talk to. (I have had the disastrous experience of attempting light conversation with ‘my’ priest. Neither of us can figure out what the other one is saying so we both give up. )

I can’t be the only person who feels disabled in this way; is there a form of spiritual direction that allows written, rather than verbal, communication? I know that something would be lost in such a scenario, as the director would be probably be hampered by the lack of verbal and physical cues to the directee’s nature.

 

[SuscipeMeDomine]

I think some people are more verbal than others so in that sense some people might have an easier time expressing themselves to a spiritual director. I think one issue is one of trust – you’re talking about something so deep and so intimate that it can be hard to say it to anyone. But it gets easier as you know your director longer and have more of a basis for trusting him or her. The other thing that makes communication a little difficult is that many of the things you might talk about go far beyond words. Describing a prayer experience, for example, can be difficult because we don’t really have words for it.

I’m a generally quiet and private person, so at the beginning it was more difficult to talk about what was happening in my life. But over time it gets easier and is definitely worth the effort.

 

[UpUpAndAway]

I have had a similar experience, and I concur that it gets easier over time. In my first appointment with my now SD, he said he would grant me 45 minutes. I asked myself what in the world I was going to talk about for 45 minutes. We ended up speaking for an hour, though there were awkward (but mercifully brief) silences and much of our initial conversation consisted of shooting the breeze. Since then, we fill all the allotted time easily and our exchanges have real substance.

The other thing to consider is that the priest you think you’re most likely to be able to talk to might not actually be the priest you are able to talk to. My SD and I are an odd pair, and I would never have pegged him as The One. But he is. At least for where I am right now, he is.

(I have had the disastrous experience of attempting light conversation with ‘my’ priest. Neither of us can figure out what the other one is saying so we both give up. )

Trust me, I know exactly what you’re talking about

 

[Deo_Gratias42]

Hmm, I’ve been there. I’m not much of a talker myself. I’m not only introverted, but have social phobia as well. I don’t speak unless spoken to, and when I do, my mind goes blank. I found it difficult to speak with priests who are also not really talkers (the awkward silences make me anxious), but much easier to speak with priests who are more extroverted. My current spiritual director and I didn’t get off to a great start (our first conversation broke down into a heated argument and an anxiety attack), but as time goes on, it gets easier.

 

[SecretaryMonday]

Hmm, I’ve been there. I’m not much of a talker myself. I’m not only introverted, but have social phobia as well. I don’t speak unless spoken to, and when I do, my mind goes blank. I found it difficult to speak with priests who are also not really talkers (the awkward silences make me anxious), but much easier to speak with priests who are more extroverted.

Yes, I do that. I think that my brain processes social information very slowly, and while its trying to warm up, I’m freaking out because I don’t have the answer yet and I’m not even sure what the question was, and then the whole system crashes, so I just spit out whatever crumbs escaped through the rubble and wait for the other party to go away.

My current spiritual director and I didn’t get off to a great start (our first conversation broke down into a heated argument and an anxiety attack), but as time goes on, it gets easier.

That’s a nightmare! Glad it worked out, though.

 

[SecretaryMonday]

The other thing to consider is that the priest you think you’re most likely to be able to talk to might not actually be the priest you are able to talk to. My SD and I are an odd pair, and I would never have pegged him as The One. But he is. At least for where I am right now, he is.

Good advice!

Trust me, I know exactly what you’re talking about

Do tell.

 

[SecretaryMonday]

I think some people are more verbal than others so in that sense some people might have an easier time expressing themselves to a spiritual director. I think one issue is one of trust – you’re talking about something so deep and so intimate that it can be hard to say it to anyone. But it gets easier as you know your director longer and have more of a basis for trusting him or her. The other thing that makes communication a little difficult is that many of the things you might talk about go far beyond words. Describing a prayer experience, for example, can be difficult because we don’t really have words for it.

I’m a generally quiet and private person, so at the beginning it was more difficult to talk about what was happening in my life. But over time it gets easier and is definitely worth the effort.

Okay, thanks. It is hard to build up trust in that manner, partly because it seems to difficult to begin, and even if I began, it might be too easy to leave; I would feel like I could not “get” anywhere because of communication difficulty, especially if I had no idea how things were supposed to progress (and I’m guessing that “progression” is different for everyone and so there aren’t maps).