Spiritual Direction from a Deacon?

[consumedconvert]

Hi All,

I have for some time prayed for a spiritual director, because I feel I need it. I’m a recent convert, I’m not all that prudent and I feel lost as how to proceed with my spiritual life much of the time. I’ve been thinking of approaching a trusted deacon and asking him to be my spiritual director–he had mentioned in passing that he was getting into Christian councelling. But as I was about to pick up the phone it suddenly occurred to me that I didn’t know what I was getting myself into. I know that many of the saints had S.D.s, and St. Faustina placed a great emphasis on finding the right spiritual director. I know I need, above all, to persue godliness.

a) But is it okay to have a spiritual director who cannot also be your confessor? I would have a hard time asking our busy priests to burden themselves with this duty, and strangely, I think I would feel more comfortable receiving spiritual direction from this particular deacon. He’s married, too, so that’s a plus for me–because I am also a married man, and I know he understands filial responsibility and the restraints that puts upon one’s time.

b) How exactly does having a s.d. work? I mean, is it a little bit like confession, where you tell him your struggles, only in more detail–and not only your struggles, but also your questions and your “lostness” in knowing how to proceed?

c) Do you think having a deacon as an SD would lead to a sort of quasi-confession, since he is not a priest, and as long as I don’t abandon the confessional, is that a bad thing?

d) Are deacons canonically bound to secrecy in such a situation?

e) If I did ask him to be my spiritual director, would I be bound to him in obedience? If so, what are the bounds of such obedience, and am I bound to him for life?

f) Any deacons out there who provide spiritual direction–so as to give me an idea as to what it is like for them, and if they feel comfortable doing it?

Thanks!

CC

 

[SuscipeMeDomine]

Hi All,

a) But is it okay to have a spiritual director who cannot also be your confessor? I would have a hard time asking our busy priests to burden themselves with this duty, and strangely, I think I would feel more comfortable receiving spiritual direction from this particular deacon. He’s married, too, so that’s a plus for me–because I am also a married man, and I know he understands filial responsibility and the restraints that puts upon one’s time.

Yes. Spiritual direction and confession are two separate things so it’s certainly possible to have two different people. I find it nice to be able to go to confession with my spiritual director, but priests are not always available for this ministry. It sounds like you already have a relationship with this deacon that could easily lead into spiritual direction.

b) How exactly does having a s.d. work? I mean, is it a little bit like confession, where you tell him your struggles, only in more detail–and not only your struggles, but also your questions and your “lostness” in knowing how to proceed?

Those are certainly things that can be discussed in spiritual direction.

c) Do you think having a deacon as an SD would lead to a sort of quasi-confession, since he is not a priest, and as long as I don’t abandon the confessional, is that a bad thing?

In confession you tell your sins. That’s not what spiritual direction is. Certainly if you’re talking about areas where you struggle you may reveal what your sins might be, but the deacon can’t absolve you. You still need confession.

d) Are deacons canonically bound to secrecy in such a situation?

One of the bases of spiritual direction is confidentiality. No matter who your director is, he or she ethically cannot reveal what you have said.

e) If I did ask him to be my spiritual director, would I be bound to him in obedience? If so, what are the bounds of such obedience, and am I bound to him for life?

Obedience is an interesting word here. If you were seeing a counselor who suggested you do something, I’m sure you’d strongly consider doing it. Spiritual direction is much the same. If your director is suggesting things that you feel uncomfortable or unable to follow, then perhaps that’s not the right director for you. On the other hand, I wouldn’t blindly do whatever someone told me to do without any thought.

And no, you are definitely not bound for life. Sometimes director/directee relationships just don’t work out and after you’ve met a few times you realize that. Sometimes you’re growing in a certain way so that a director who was good for you at one point is no longer good for you. Sometimes it can be something as simple as your schedule changes or the director’s schedule changes and it no longer works for you to meet.

f) Any deacons out there who provide spiritual direction–so as to give me an idea as to what it is like for them, and if they feel comfortable doing it?

I’m not a deacon so I can’t comment on that. But being a spiritual director is a calling just as being a deacon is a calling. It’s not necessarily true that one person receives both callings, but it may happen.

 

[adowcday]

Yes, a deacon – even a lay man or woman-- can be an excellent spiritual director. If you have a good relationship with your deacon friend, he can serve as a mentor even if he isn’t trained in spiritual direction or pastoral counselling. You would certainly profit from a good, Catholic friend who can give advice and encouragement even while you continue to look for a spiritual director. Your deacon friend certainly sounds like a good candidate for the job. I suggest you tell him what kind of help you are looking for and ask if he’d be willing to provide it or recommend someone who can.

Hi All,

I have for some time prayed for a spiritual director, because I feel I need it. I’m a recent convert, I’m not all that prudent and I feel lost as how to proceed with my spiritual life much of the time. I’ve been thinking of approaching a trusted deacon and asking him to be my spiritual director–he had mentioned in passing that he was getting into Christian councelling. But as I was about to pick up the phone it suddenly occurred to me that I didn’t know what I was getting myself into. I know that many of the saints had S.D.s, and St. Faustina placed a great emphasis on finding the right spiritual director. I know I need, above all, to persue godliness.

a) But is it okay to have a spiritual director who cannot also be your confessor? I would have a hard time asking our busy priests to burden themselves with this duty, and strangely, I think I would feel more comfortable receiving spiritual direction from this particular deacon. He’s married, too, so that’s a plus for me–because I am also a married man, and I know he understands filial responsibility and the restraints that puts upon one’s time.

b) How exactly does having a s.d. work? I mean, is it a little bit like confession, where you tell him your struggles, only in more detail–and not only your struggles, but also your questions and your “lostness” in knowing how to proceed?

c) Do you think having a deacon as an SD would lead to a sort of quasi-confession, since he is not a priest, and as long as I don’t abandon the confessional, is that a bad thing?

d) Are deacons canonically bound to secrecy in such a situation?

e) If I did ask him to be my spiritual director, would I be bound to him in obedience? If so, what are the bounds of such obedience, and am I bound to him for life?

f) Any deacons out there who provide spiritual direction–so as to give me an idea as to what it is like for them, and if they feel comfortable doing it?

Thanks!

CC