Spiritual dryness--the grind

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montanaman

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Quick background: Lifelong Catholic, fell away in college years, came back in fits and starts, recently got all my cards in order, and now am a practicing non-cafeteria Catholic.

I think I came back to the Church so many times because I guess, sick as this sounds, I became addicted to being the prodigal son. It feels so good to be forgiven, to “feel” all those good graces, and to feel the presence of God. But, after a while, it just gets, well, “boring.”

I’ve actually accomplished a personal record of sorts. I don’t think I’ve ever walked the straight-and-narrow so faithfully for so long before. But, while I enjoy the “challenge” of day-to-day battles–whether they’re for chastity, for forgiveness for slights by others, etc.–I feel like I’m doing it alone. In my mind, Christ has worked me over, got me standing up on my own two feet, and has moved on to “help” others. I don’t need the “spiritual bon-bons,” as one friend called it once, but I don’t feel much of anything, either. I can sense SOMEthing, but it seems like I’ve just signed up with a particularly boring newsletter.

I know, I know. There are a lot of “feels” and “seems” and “senses” in this post. I’ve been an amateur intellectual long enough to know that maturity doesn’t rest on the transient emotions of the moment. But still, I’d like to get something out of it every now and then. Since my “reversion” my friends are starting to get edgy around me, which I expected, but if I weigh the two things–a “normal” life with a circle of friends, or the good Catholic life, alone, with no particular guarantees, it gets tough.

Does anyone know what I’m talking about?

(Lol. And I also know, “pray.” Gotcha. It’s been working, but I still see a long life of rut ahead of me. Thank God for Theology on Tap, where at least I can hang out with Catholics for a couple of hours before returning to my dark house full of doubts.)
 
I have an idea for ya.

GET OUT OF THE HOUSE AND DO SOMETHING!

We are a Catholic/Christian COMMUNITY. Not solo artists. Just as an ember needs to stay in the fire to remain hot, we cannot go out on our own and live joyous lives without support.

So to let that little light shine…

Get in a supportive community. That is, make friends with the same religious beliefs and vigor as you. Get together. Discuss theology. Argue over liturgy. Get christian music and have a christian dance/karaoke party. Go to youth conferences. (They really don’t care how old you are.)

Basically, don’t make your religion something separate from your life. Make it so everythign you do, everything you enjoy, from the movies, to forwheeling, is a prayer and a way to grow closer to a christian community striving to grow closer to christ.

Josh
 
Lol. Thanks, Josh, Stobie.

I agree 100% with your prescription, Josh, though meeting people, not just girls, is really difficult around here. Maybe it’s just me. Maybe I’m too much of a Simpsons addict…

And while I agree with your prescription, it sounds like a sure-fire method of becoming a fundamentalist lunatic. I DO keep my faith in the closet, but I let it out enough that my friends are starting to tell me things like “You’re ‘too’ Catholic,” or, “You always have a way of bringing religion into it, bud. Cool it.” That, just for making Protestant cracks every now and then. Like I suggested, I may have a problem of perspective.

I know I’m not going anywhere, (I’ve looked–there’s nowhere else to go), but when you’re alone in the faith and you’re trying to live right, you sometimes find the prospect of a long life of more of this burdensome. I’ll read your links, Stobie. That ought to help. If not, well, I 'spose the Hot Place will be populated with most of my friends…

(If that kind of joke is over the top for this forum, I apologize. But I pray it’s not, because frankly, if even my sense of humor is wrong, that’s just about the last straw.)
 
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montanaman:
Though meeting people, not just girls, is really difficult around here. Maybe it’s just me. Maybe I’m too much of a Simpsons addict…
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Never said you couldn’t make watching The Simpsons a holy activity! The Simpsons rock!

I am lucky in that I live in a geographical area with many faithful catholics of all ages. I tend to forget others are not always in that situation.

Still, finding SOMEONE out there shouldn’t be impossible. Many parishes have coffee and donuts after their masses, or picnics, or the like, which is a great opportunity to go out and meet people. Also depending on your age, some have Catholic Adult groups and things like that, just for finding support through friendship.
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montanaman:
And while I agree with your prescription, it sounds like a sure-fire method of becoming a fundamentalist lunatic. I DO keep my faith in the closet, but I let it out enough that my friends are starting to tell me things like “You’re ‘too’ Catholic,” or, “You always have a way of bringing religion into it, bud. Cool it.”
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What’s wrong with being a lunatic? Although it is true that “religious weirdos” aren’t fun to be around. Being not fully experienced with the faith yet, it is fine that you keep it “closeted up” until you become more comfortable with it, as long as you are actively trying to learn more and be more comfortable with it.

But when it comes down to it, it does become very difficult to grow in understanding and love of your faith if your friends only response to it is “You’re too Catholic”, etc. We all need mentors and people to support us as we grow, whether it be religion, education, work, etc. I wouldn’t be anywhere in my life it wasn’t for a few select people who picked me out and helped me grow in my faith and encouraged me.

So, if its hard and uncomfortable for you to find people like that, just modify your prayer and start asking God to find you a few extra friends that can encourage you along the way.

He’s cool like that.

Josh
 
Josh, threeJ, whatever,

Here is how the spirit of irony works in my life: I’m from the Portland area–Battle Ground, to be more specific. I was just out there this weekend for my grandfather’s funeral. (Non-Catholic, please pray for him). I just noticed that’s where you are. I’m not saying it would have been nice to go on a “man date” or something, but it’s pretty typical that I should discover a “Catholic community” in my old hood while I now live 3000 miles away…

Speaking of which, I attended Mass at the Grotto where I used to be an altar boy for a while. I’d forgotten how syrupy it is. The pitchy music leader had me bordering on rage, and while Father Topper seems like a good man, he managed to give a homily on God the FATHER, then remove all references to God as a “him” in the rest of the liturgy. I was NOT in the proper frame of mind to receive communion, and I’ll add that to this week’s confession list.

In closing, here’s a Simpsons quote tangentially related to this topic: Apu to Homer: “Please do not offer my God a peanut.”

Chris
 
You may want to check with the National Shrine of the Immaculate Conception (in D.C.) and see if any of their priests know of a good Catholic adult group you can get involved with. It may help getting some good Catholic friends to help you along in your journey.
 
Wow, small world. I actually go to the National Shrine a couple of times a week, and I’ve been thinking of checking out whatever youth programs they have. This is part of the problem, too. I spent nearly ten years in Montana "finding myself, (blah, blah, blah), and most of that was with crude, rude people who drank a lot and geared their lives toward getting miniscule raises every year. I fell in with them quite easily. I know that I need to make some changes in that department, but I dread the transition. Does surrounding myself with good, faithful Catholics mean I’ve got to trade smoky bluegrass bars for well-lit church basements with coffee and doughnuts?

I’ll do it if that’s what Jesus wants me to do, but I tend to think Jesus gave us bluegrass for a purpose…
 
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montanaman:
Does surrounding myself with good, faithful Catholics mean I’ve got to trade smoky bluegrass bars for well-lit church basements with coffee and doughnuts?
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It depends on the individuals. I have seen Catholic adult groups that regularly go to bars and eat out, etc. as well as having programs to enrich their members’ spirituality.
 
In respect of prayer, many fathers and saints advice would be to hang on in there. The article below by an Orthodox priest is excellent.

beliefnet.com/story/71/story_7101.html

In terms of friends, I became a catholic about 5 years ago. The trick is not to be preachy and answer honestly when asked about anything ‘spiritual’ always with humility. I haven’t lost anyone I considered a real friend, maybe don’t see a few mates i saw infrequently anyway.

Hope this helps

JGC
 
Montanaman, take yourself down to the Catholic Information Center on K Street . Shop in their amazing bookstore, talk to the director, plan to attend the Evening of Recollection or one of the discussions, and you’ll meet some other great Catholics.

Betsy
 
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JGC:
In terms of friends, I became a catholic about 5 years ago. The trick is not to be preachy and answer honestly when asked about anything ‘spiritual’ always with humility. I haven’t lost anyone I considered a real friend, maybe don’t see a few mates i saw infrequently anyway.
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The other trick is pretty simple, once you’re in a group of like-minded Catholics: be yourself. Don’t get in to what I call “spiritual athletics” with others; looking like a holy card and attempting to pass yourself off as an overly pious individual doesn’t get you very far. The best, most supportive Catholic friends I have come from the fact that I am who I am, and they’re comfortable with that. Keep watching The Simpsons and enjoy your bluegrass (which rules, by the way). Just be yourself and don’t worry about emulating some image on a holy card. 👍

You may have to start off in church basements with donuts and coffee, but chances are, you’ll find a good group of like-minded indviduals you’ll develop a relationship with outside of the basement. These are the folks that will help you develop spiritually, since you’ll have some common ground to build upon.

Good luck, and excellent post!
 
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baltobetsy:
Montanaman, take yourself down to the Catholic Information Center on K Street . Shop in their amazing bookstore, talk to the director, plan to attend the Evening of Recollection or one of the discussions, and you’ll meet some other great Catholics.

Betsy
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Way to go Betsy!!!
Montanaman she is so right…if you do as she says, I can almost promise you that you’ll be too busy to think about dryness or the grind…not that I haven’t had that experience;) …it’s all part of “The Journey”!!
Annunciata:)
 
Thanks all. I appreciate all the advice, however I think the message got mixed up a bit. I have atheist friends, liberal friends, non-committal but good-natured friends, etc. Last night at Theology on Tap I met a nice girl named Liz, though she was fairly quick to point out that she’s liberal, politically speaking. What I’m trying to say is, I’m never at a loss for human contact. In fact, I CHOOSE to be a monk most of the time. If I could only screw up my courage to go camping alone, I think I’d consider myself a whole man.

The main point of this thread is already almost lost to me. Yesterday was a tough day–lots of temptations, a little bit of despair, some difficult theological thoughts. And all I want is to feel that “presence” so that I know I’m not alone in this struggle. Yesterday, the thought of living for potentially another fifty years dealing with this same garbage was burdensome. I measure my grace state usually in weeks, not even months, and certainly not years. Without some kind of backup from above, I was feeling hopeless.

Still and all, I’ll check out the Catholic Resource Center. I spoke to someone there in March just before I went on a quasi-pilgrimage to Rome. Now that I’m out of the Catholic closet, I’m openly trolling for a “Catholic community.” And so far it’s tough–has anyone in the D.C. area checked out the D.C. or Arlington archdiocese websites for upcoming events? It’s as though the Church has fallen off the face of the earth…

Anyway, thanks again. You guys all rock. I’m happy, strong, in a state of grace, and optimistic despite my crappy job. 😉

MM
 
You sound like you’re really ready for spiritual direction, which you can get at the Catholic Information Center. Be sure to ask. You’ll be so glad.

Betsy
 
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