Spiritual Life for the very Scrupulous

[John_Russell_Jr]

I always have high standards but sometimes this slips into perfectionism, especially when I am stressed. I find I achieve less when I am in the grip of perfectionism than when I am not.

I am interested in whether perfectionism and scrupulosity are different or whether they are on a continuum. If they are different then how to deal one may not help dealing with the other bit if they are on a continuum then they may.

Look forward to learning more on this thread and others.

And thanks for not making any assumptions about whether I am scrupulous or not.

Hi again, very good quesion. Scrupulous people are perfectionists but they are not the same thing. One can be a perfectionist with a delicate conscience and even be accused of being scrupulous and it happens a lot today. People who really struggle to become saints are often perfectionists with delicate consciences and usually don’t have scruples. The info below covers this much better. Scruples can creep in at times but the 2 are not one and the same thing or on a continuum.

A look at definitions may help-

For the benefit of any who may want to know -
I will quote some definitions of the scrupulous person-

Symptoms - From the same book I’ve been quoting-

QUESTION : I wonder if I am really scrupulous or if I am just using it as an excuse. How can a person really determine whether or not there is a real case of scruples?

ANSWER : There are no mathematical guidelines that can be applied, and the dividing line between scruples and ordinary garden variety worries is sometimes hard to determine. It might help to compare yourself with relatives and close friends. Do you fret intensely about matters that don’t seem to worry them? This may well be a sign that you do not have your conscience in a healthy, normal state of balance.

QUESTION : Please explain the difference between adelicate conscience and a scrupulous conscience.

ANSWER : A delicate conscience is one that is well informed about the moral law, able to make correct judgements about what is right and wrong, and desirous of avoiding all sin, even the smallest. It is no doubt true to say that the saints possessed delicate consciences. A scrupulous conscience is is one that is either not well informed about the moral law ( in other words, tends to interpret as sinful what is not sinful) or not able to make correct judgments about what is right and wrong ( that is to say, groundless fears and nameless anxieties tend to interfere with correct judgments). St Alphonsus encouraged his penitents to pray that they might have a delicate conscience and pray that they may NOT have a scrupulous conscience.

QUESTION : What really is scrupulosity? Is it a mental or an emotional sickness? How does it differ from ordinary worry?

ANSWER : Scrupulosity may be defined as a habitual state of mind that, because of an unreasonable fear of sin, inclines a person to judge certain thoughts or actions sinful when they aren’t, or that they are more gravely wrong than they really are. Emphasis must be placed on the assertion that scruples involve an unreasonable fear of sin. If a person merely makes a mistake and thinks an action to be wrong that is not wrong, he is not necessarily scrupulous. Scrupulosity involves an emotional condition that interferes with the proper working of the mind and produces a judgment not in accordance with objective truth, but with the emotion of fear. Scrupulosity is, then, nothing else bu an anxiety neurosis concerned with moral matters.

."

 

[John_Russell_Jr]

2nd part a above

Below is from another part of the book.

Perfectionism - By Fr Lowery C.Ss.R.

The questions above vividly illustrate the anxiety and the concern that is devoted to answering the question," Does God love me?" In the attempt to answer the question, the scrupulous person often determines that the best choice may be to move from a position of questioning to a position of perceived strength. " I will make God love me by becoming perfect. In this way God will have to love me. " An enormous amount of energy is wasted by the scrupulous person trying to “fix” himself or herself or trying to become perfect. I often asked the person who comes to me with such a preoccupationto try and refocus their energy and attention. Instead of trying to make yourself pleasing to God, imagine how much more hopeful it might be to try and accept yourself exactly as you are. Imagine yourself loved by God, not as you one day might be, but exactly as you are today, at this present moment, now, in love. Quite a challenge, and not just for the scrupulous person.
Most of us are willing to accept other people, with their faults, weaknesses, and other little irritations, but when it comes to ourselves, we become perfectionists. Suddenly every little fault, every little weakness, and every little irritation becomes a major obstacle to self-love and acceptance of who we are. In such an instance, we find ourselves repeating, again and again, if only I could become…
For the person struggling with scrupulosity, there is oftentimes a conviction that everything needs to be perfect before God will accept him or her. Of course, this desire for an impossible perfection is a manifestation of scrupulosity and an indication of how the affliction affects the decision-making process. In this instance the time and energy spent trying to become perfect so that the person can be pleasing to God ultimately means learning not to be scrupulous, which is the ultimate" imperfection"

QUESTION : One great difficulty for me is that I must do everything perfectly. My prayers must be said perfectly; I must meditate perfectly without interuption. I am always asking, " How can I do everything more perfectly so God will be pleased with me?"

ANSWER : Perfectionism is an unrealistic expectation of what a human person is capable of in the moral order. It is simply not possible for a human person to do everything perfectly. It is very important that you try and accept your human condition and not place unreasonable expectations on your self. Moreover, it is clear you have a wrong image of God. God does not love you because you do everything perfectly. God loves you, in the words of St Paul, " not because of any righteous deed we have done, but because of His mercy…"(Titus 3:5). God’s love for you is unconditional. Nothing can make God stop loving you, not even sin. Fr John Powell S.J., expresses God’s unconditional love in this way:" I want to love you. That is all. I just want to love you. " I will leave you free, but I will always love you

 

[Salonika]

Dear John Russell Jnr

Thanks for your two postings in reply to my query about how scrupulosity and perfectionism relate. I am finding them very useful and helpful.

Regards

Salonika