H
homewardangel
Guest
At lunch today I went to adoration once again. As I walked to the chapel I thought about my motivation for being there, wondering if I am lacking something, or going for the wrong reasons. (or maybe my doubt and concern is really just the devil). I would like to ask what might be a dumb question. I would like some thoughts on this, if someone has a minute to share.
I often hear people talking about Jesus and Mary and loving them so much and having strong devotion to them. Perpetual adoration, prayers, confession, the eucharist and everything else. My problem is that I don’t know that I feel that way…not exactly. I am wondering if I am misunderstanding other people, and my experience is the same as others. While I do feel like I have felt God’s touch, it has only been a couple of times in my life.
Truth be known I was a very weak cafeteria Catholic until 5 or 6 years ago. It was then that I started working with a person who touched my soul in a deep way. This person was a practicing Catholic, I don’t know how in touch they are with the sacraments, but they affected me very much. From that point everything changed, and I felt like God reached out and grabbed me. I attributed that to God’s grace. All of the sudden I felt my soul again and I really didn’t want to lose that.
So that much is all fine, but what I have found is that my old coworker and God have become intertwined somehow. I can almost picture God’s hand reaching through my friend and grabbing me. I realize which one is God and which one is just a friend. But I can not think of God without thinking of them - and I can not think of them without thinking about God. Am I being clear???
When I pray that person is with me in some way. They were the one who suggested that I go to the adoration chapel - so while I know that Jesus is there, I wonder if I would be going if it wouldn’t have been for my friend suggesting it to me. Is my motivation to have a common thread with my friend or to connect with God?? I don’t know.
Do you understand? I pray to Jesus, Mary and the saints - but its like it somehow is connected to my friend.
Thoughts
Terry
I often hear people talking about Jesus and Mary and loving them so much and having strong devotion to them. Perpetual adoration, prayers, confession, the eucharist and everything else. My problem is that I don’t know that I feel that way…not exactly. I am wondering if I am misunderstanding other people, and my experience is the same as others. While I do feel like I have felt God’s touch, it has only been a couple of times in my life.
Truth be known I was a very weak cafeteria Catholic until 5 or 6 years ago. It was then that I started working with a person who touched my soul in a deep way. This person was a practicing Catholic, I don’t know how in touch they are with the sacraments, but they affected me very much. From that point everything changed, and I felt like God reached out and grabbed me. I attributed that to God’s grace. All of the sudden I felt my soul again and I really didn’t want to lose that.
So that much is all fine, but what I have found is that my old coworker and God have become intertwined somehow. I can almost picture God’s hand reaching through my friend and grabbing me. I realize which one is God and which one is just a friend. But I can not think of God without thinking of them - and I can not think of them without thinking about God. Am I being clear???
When I pray that person is with me in some way. They were the one who suggested that I go to the adoration chapel - so while I know that Jesus is there, I wonder if I would be going if it wouldn’t have been for my friend suggesting it to me. Is my motivation to have a common thread with my friend or to connect with God?? I don’t know.
Do you understand? I pray to Jesus, Mary and the saints - but its like it somehow is connected to my friend.
Thoughts
Terry