Spouse lost faith

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I’m sure this is something that has been addressed in this forum before, but my wife is having some issues with her faith. To make a short story long, as I usually do, I wasn’t not born and raised Catholic. I do not come from a very religious family but was exposed to God through the Presbyterian church and in college at a private Presbyterian college.
My wife on the other hand came from a predominantly Catholic family. She attended catholic school from a number of years. She had some terrible things happen to her in life ( boyfriend died in an ATV accident). She ended up hitting a rough patch and got pregnant with twin girls. Whenever her and I got together, the twins were about 3 months old ( now 8). We ended up having a son of our own and my wife and children were all baptized catholic. Prior to getting married I did not think it made much sense for my entire family to be catholic and me not. Thankfully, I completed the RCIA program and came into the church about 1 year before we were married. While I sometimes struggle with making it to mass, I can honestly say that I love being Catholic, love god, and have tried many times to institute solid catholic traditions within my family. My wife began asking questions about my faith and the Catholic Church. I found this odd because she spent her entire life in the church. After a deep conversation about the Eucharist and other sacraments, my wife told me that she lost faith long ago ( when her boyfriend died). Basically, she was going through the motions because she knew attending mass was something that I enjoyed. Obviously I know that praying will help but I’m curious to hear what people in a similar situation have done.
 
I am not a believer. But I am interested in belief. I have no faith-based thoughts or advice for you. But if we were having a drink together (in my case water 😦 ) I would begin by asking you what exactly the problem is? Why exactly is it an issue if you believe different things? And once we’d established that I would ask you to list the things you still believe in common. It might be a long list.
 
I’m not sure that taking inventory common non faith beliefs would be of much comfort here. To a person without faith, I can see how this could be a non issue. Let me assure you, though, seeing the loss of faith in a spouse can cause profound sadness. I’m hoping that subsequent posters can contribute helpful ideas that I can’t think of in these early, sleep-deprived hours, but let’s first try not to trivialize the problem.
My prayers are with you and yours for the gift of faith, OP.
 
Stay together and don’t despair. St Paul said in his first letter to the Corinthians (7: 14 and 16):

For the unbelieving husband is made holy through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy through the brother. Otherwise your children would be unclean, whereas in fact they are holy.

For how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband; or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?

In other words, the believing partner can bring salvation to the unbelieving partner through their own perseverance in the faith.
 
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Blessings,
I was a critical RN for 44 yrs. Death was a factor. Situations were always making us think WHY? WHERE WAS GOD? My son in law, was killed in Iraq at the age of 24. My daughter became an Atheist. “If there was a God, He would have saved him.” I wish he would have, too. So, why are the young taken. A child is a gift from heaven that brings light into our darkness. Our children belong to God. He loans them to us. They/We all have a purpose. Why must they suffer? I hate this one. Our hearts are naturally, a little selfish. We want good looking, perfect babies. It’s a shock, when imperfection greets us. GOD LOVES US ALL! No matter what skin we’re in. We learn to love w the heart of God, when imperfect bodies greet us. We get to see the Spirit of the creation, beyond the flesh. Such beauty in the Spirit. Pain & suffering is our pruning. Just like a plant, we grow stronger. Our happiness here isn’t our goal. Our journey to Heaven is. If we keep our eyes on God, we see the journey & see Him working, even when we don’t get our answered prayer.
Young lives taken= whatever the kind of death, it’s horrible. 4 soldiers died in a cement bus stop in Iraq. A bomb,in the roof of it, was set off. All died instantly w massive head injuries. No suffering. Thank God! Death is NEVER THE ENEMY. SUFFERING IS…
Jason was working on his faith over there. The night before they were killed, someone took a video of the four singing,”THE BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY” They all stopped at the lyrics,”I DONT WANT TO DIE!” They sent it to us.
Anyway, God knows how are life goes. Our Salvation is His goal. In His kindness, He allows us to come home early b/c later, temptation might get us. We could lose our Salvation. God does nothing bad. He allows the bad to occur, as I said, to prune us to be more like Him & for our Salvations sake.
We are MORTALS. We will die! Fear not! Death, where s your victory? Where is your sting?
We’re HOME! We’ve graduated in Glory. There is no more worry for that soul.
Just like our parents had to let us go after college or marriage. We must let them go in love.
God IS! He was there, reaching out to take her loved one home. Celebrate his leaving w a picture, some helium balloons, a tree to plant. Release the balloons & her love for him at that time. SIGH! Our loved ones live in heaven as the Communion of Saints. They pray for us. I hope this helps.
In Christ’s Love
Tweedlealice
 
Is she hostile to God and the Faith, or is she disillusioned?
Getting slammed across the net a few times will make you feel abandoned by God, even if you basically trust in Him.

Lift up your wife in prayer, be a good example, and don’t nag her.
 
0Scarlett_nidiyilii said:
Lift up your wife in prayer, be a good example, and don’t nag her.
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I agree with this.
Maybe gently suggest she might want to talk to a priest about her faith, but if she resists, don’t push. Just put the suggestion out there.

Many people do lose faith after a significant death. They don’t understand how God could do such a terrible thing, or they’ve always had some doubts that just come to a head when a loved one dies. The death of a loved one is rubber-meets-the-road time for our faith.
 
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This question came up in our priests weekly live q and a session on Facebook.

His reminder was to meet people where they are. Continue to ask why. And listen really listen to her answers.

Your replies should be I understand why you feel that way - validate her reasons, don’t try to debate her out of them.

Keep loving her, keep talking about the good things you find in living your faith.

To my own suggestion, sudden death is a difficult thing,. When she is ready, maybe suggest talking to a counselor about it, working through the trauma in her past.

Be her rock and her cheerleader. Make going to mass a pleasant experience… Get the kids dressed and ready while she can take time to get ready. Go out for brunch or pickup special treats after mass. Make Sunday a day of peace in your home. And pray.
 
Hi and welcome!
What came to my mind was that there are people who might have problems with God because their own father was awful or had abandoned them. Sometimes when the door to God is closed, our Blessed Mother is an open window. Her grief and suffering at the torture and crucifixion of her son can be very compelling, that she was not spared and knew great grief.

I would have a statue or icon of her, a candle with a battery that comes on and shuts off on it’s own with a timer. Today, being May 3, I would bring the kids to the spot and discuss what the third mystery of the rosary is, and do one decade. The Church has dedicated May as the month of Mary. May she intercede in bringing healing to your wife’s broken relationship with God.
 
PennyinCanada said:
What came to my mind was that there are people who might have problems with God because their own father was awful or had abandoned them. Sometimes when the door to God is closed, our Blessed Mother is an open window. Her grief and suffering at the torture and crucifixion of her son can be very compelling, that she was not spared and knew great grief.
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This is interesting and I have often seen this when counselling patients. For me personally, my mother was cold, abusive, neglectful–I struggle with the mother figure of Mary. Not because of Mary herself, but the pain of maternal rejection has clouded my life. I have been Catholic seven or so years, so Mother Mary is still relatively new for me, but I find that by meditating upon the mysteries of the rosary, I see a maternal love I have never known and am beginning to understand. I was incredibly blessed to have a loving, faith filled dad and I have modelled my own parenting in the example of my beloved father (he’s been gone twelve years now).

To the OP: my husband is an incredible man, full of faith and integrity. I’ve suffered a great deal for many years and whilst I’ve never completely lost faith or entered into unbelief, I’ve experienced very, very long dark nights of the soul. We were both raised evangelical (he, Lutheran; me, Baptist and nondenominational) and from the time we came into the Church 7/8 years ago, I have seen my husband pray every single morning and evening, without fail. He does this quietly: he prays liturgy of the hours and he prays for our children and I consistently. He knows I’ve struggle, as had he in other ways, and has never pushed but has always listened and encouraged. Even when I’m too sick or in too much pain and cannot go to Mass, he goes (went…until the current quarantine measures were implemented) to Mass every week without fail. He is the spiritual leader in every sense–he leads by example, through service, with kindness, and with fervour for God. It is his consistent example and knowing he constantly prays for me that has encouraged my faith through years of suffering and the dark night of the soul. I cannot say for certain that this will help your wife, but I would be surprised if it didn’t, in time. You are one–a team; when her faith falters, she’s still holding your hand and you’re holding God’s hand. She is still connected to God through you. Also, her faith and example will be infinitely stronger and more sure because she is ‘working out her faith’. My best to both of you.
 
Sounds to me like PTSD although I’m not a doctor. Bring her to one.
Praying for your wife’s return to the one true faith.
It also depends on who she spends time with other then you. Hanging around with protestants agnostics or atheists will cloud her judgement.

My prayers are with you
 
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