Spouse struggles socially

[Maximilan_Kolbe]

Right.

There can be some situations, though, where it would be more natural for the OP to be the arranger. Let’s say, for instance, that he works with Joe Blow, knows Joe Blow pretty well, and the OP’s wife would like to get to know Mary Blow better. In that case, it would make nice for the OP and Joe Blow (who know each other) to make arrangements, rather than the two ladies (who barely know each other) to make arrangements.

Yep, although Joe Blow’s wife is named Flo Blow.

Point still stands. Though.

 

[1990Domer]

So I’m a spouse that struggles with personality defects.
Long story short, I would probably have been diagnosed with Aspergers years ago. I have extreme difficulty making friends. I have many associates, but have never been able to get close to anyone. Prone to depression and anxiety. This all affects my work as well. We have a nice home and I am able to work, but those around us are ready to retire and we are not even close.

My wife is a miracle of grace.
We are married 27 years. And over the years my eyes have been opened to the effects of all this on our marriage and on our life.
Because I do not connect, we do not have close friends to share life with as a couple. She has her girlfriends, and I have my Church associates and work friends. I make attempts but it is always formal, strained, and uncomfortable.
We do choir together and pray together and go to adoration. We have a rich life of faith. But our life together socially is just functional.

We sit at home many weekends while the rest of the world get’s together and enjoys each other’s company. My wife is wonderful and does not complain. She is content “just to”… whatever that “just to” is. And I get it. But she has told me in the past “I’d like to get to know Joe Blow’s wife better why don’t you call im up and let’s go.”
Honestly, fear paralyzes me socially. I don’t know how some of this would turn out because the thought of it gives me insomnia.

So it is causing me intense suffering to know I have not provided well for her socially. Confession has not helped shake the sense of failure, nor has a few months of counseling. I know God forgives us our shortcomings, but daily life is a constant reminder that I do not provide well for her.

Tomorrow will be a better day. The fog will lift for a time. It always does.

Anyone else have a marriage that struggles in this way?

I could have written this post, and we now have a son with Aspergers. It’s a cross for me and DH, but I cherish my husband because I know he will never cheat on me.

Sure, my life isn’t fulfilled socially, but I have great intellectual talks with DH, we have common hobbies, the love of the Church, and a son who is truly pious and a fantastic kid. And heck, when I read about what goes on at some social functions, I rather stay in my own house. I know why God put me in his life and vice versa. We both need each other to reach heaven.

And I am not unhappy. I see way too many couples divorcing around us. That unnerves us both to the extent that we reach out to others but always come back to putting our marriage first.