Spouse watching porn putting me in mortal sin?

[saintpiofan]

Hello, I have a question about intimacy and pornography. I am a devout catholic, confessing regularly, but my wife is a “Catholic by Title”. My wife does not believe in most of what the Church teaches, especially when it comes to pornography. (I cant tell you how many times i had to listen to her speech about how she is an adult and is allowed to watch porn if she wants to without my objection all the time.)

Well, my problem is this. Recently, while being intimate with my spouse, she decided she could not be fully aroused without watching porn. Usually I’ll object and even ruin the mood all together to avoid this, but being Valentine’s day, I didn’t want the night to be ruined and it be ‘my’ fault. So I did not object. She watched her porn while I ignored it and wouldn’t look at it.

Now I’m troubled. Am I also in a state of mortal sin because of my complacency?

 

[1ke]

This is something better discussed under spiritual counsel with your priest, not here on the boards.

I am sorry your wife is putting you through this. It must be very difficult when she rejects the Church’s moral teachings.

 

[saintpiofan]

I understand. Thank you anyway.

 

[Ron_Conte]

Am I also in a state of mortal sin because of my complacency?

No, you are not.

Based on your description of events, you did not commit an objective mortal sin, nor any type of gravely immoral cooperation with evil. And you avoided the danger of scandal by making your objection clearly and unequivocally known to your spouse.

 

[DihydrogenOxide]

That’s just terrible. Other than the obvious reasons porn is a sin, the results of watching porn on the human person and their feelings toward their spouse takes quite a toll.

God bless you. I suggest you and your spouse go together and perhaps go to a meeting with a good priest. Catholic marriage counseling may be best. Have a good priest recommend a counselor.

If you can get your wife to go, many churches host Theology of the Body classes.

Pornography can literally help to ruin your marriage. It brings about selfishness and disrespect in a marriage. Pray very hard, talk with your wife, and seek help.

Your priest will be able to tell you if it is a mortal sin, also.

 

[CatholicGuy22]

Hello, I have a question about intimacy and pornography. I am a devout catholic, confessing regularly, but my wife is a “Catholic by Title”. My wife does not believe in most of what the Church teaches, especially when it comes to pornography. (I cant tell you how many times i had to listen to her speech about how she is an adult and is allowed to watch porn if she wants to without my objection all the time.)

Well, my problem is this. Recently, while being intimate with my spouse, she decided she could not be fully aroused without watching porn. Usually I’ll object and even ruin the mood all together to avoid this, but being Valentine’s day, I didn’t want the night to be ruined and it be ‘my’ fault. So I did not object. She watched her porn while I ignored it and wouldn’t look at it.

Now I’m troubled. Am I also in a state of mortal sin because of my complacency?

This is something you should discuss with your priest because most of us are not qualified to answe such a question. You are doing good by not looking but my goodness what is up with your wife? Sex is a beautiful moment where man and woman are one but she is ruining it by watching porn. I suggest you try and tell her the seriousness of this. It is not healthy for a couple to live like this. Something must be done.

 

[Newleaf123]

I’m so sorry for the pain you must be experiencing.

I urge you to continue to be strong as you persevere in what is good and true. Satan has filled the world with lies, telling people that pornography is “harmless.”

I did want to point out one perspective. If the roles were reversed, and you were a woman married to a man who couldn’t get “turned on” by his wife, and insisted on watching pornography during the marital act despite his wife’s protestations, it would be considered cruel and emotionally abusive behavior by most. Just because you are a man doesn’t mean that you’re not the victim of a type of emotional abuse and certain disrespect.

Don’t let society’s double standard let you doubt that, and pray that your wife comes to understand that she must treat with dignity, especially during the marital act.

I urge you to pray, pray, pray for true conversion for your wife. Pray the Divine Mercy Chaplet. With God all things are possible. Have confidence that God can reveal the truth about the evils and perils of pornography to your wife.

Here is a great resource from the Family Life Center for married people dealing with a spouse’s pornography addiction:
familylifecenter.net/article.asp?artID=242

May God bless you as you persevere in this painful situation.

 

[saintpiofan]

Thank you all so very much. I appreciate all your responses and prayers

I think, what is troubling my heart the most, is the guilt i feel for not standing up and resisting her when she decided she needed to see porn to be aroused. I feel guilty for giving my consent by not objecting, though i know that I would not be able to change her mind regardless. And with Ash Wednesday coming, I dont want to go to Mass in a state of Mortal sin.

See, the problem lies in the fact that I am a convert to Catholicism, but my wife, though born a catholic, has never believed in the Faith. When we met as teens, I was in the occults and submerged in porn myself. But, a day came when God saved me and placed me in the hands of His mother. But not so for my wife. Though she loves me, she has always been tempted toward homosexuality, which has brought many problems to our marriage.

I know that one day she will be touched by God, but it’s a matter of being patient and praying.

 

[FiberZilla]

Thank you all so very much. I appreciate all your responses and prayers

I think, what is troubling my heart the most, is the guilt i feel for not standing up and resisting her when she decided she needed to see porn to be aroused. I feel guilty for giving my consent by not objecting, though i know that I would not be able to change her mind regardless. And with Ash Wednesday coming, I dont want to go to Mass in a state of Mortal sin.

See, the problem lies in the fact that I am a convert to Catholicism, but my wife, though born a catholic, has never believed in the Faith. When we met as teens, I was in the occults and submerged in porn myself. But, a day came when God saved me and placed me in the hands of His mother. But not so for my wife. Though she loves me, she has always been tempted toward homosexuality, which has brought many problems to our marriage.

I know that one day she will be touched by God, but it’s a matter of being patient and praying.

It’s important to realize that most people who view pornography are doing this because they are addicted to the brain chemicals associated with sexual arousal. Just like alcoholism, more is needed to get the same effect. It’s not that users necessarily find their spouse unappealing, but it’s the neurological rush from visual stimulation which can be extremely powerful, that pulls one in the direction of consuming porn.

That is the physical side of the problem. The spiritual side of it is that pornography use is lustful by it’s very nature. This sin is particularly enslaving. Furthermore, I believe the best place you and your wife and your marriage can be is in the hands of Jesus Christ. Praying daily for his protection for your family. Freedom from this enslavement can only be found in Him and his shed blood. Nowhere else.