Spouse

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CuriousInIL

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Seeing your spouse nude–always appropriate?, always inappropriate?, or depends? (why and on what?)
 
I cant imagine a scenario where seeing your spouse nude was inappropriate. It is absolutely appropriate at certain times and its certainly acceptable for all other times.
 
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martino:
I cant imagine a scenario where seeing your spouse nude was inappropriate. It is absolutely appropriate at certain times and its certainly acceptable for all other times.
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Yep.
 
Another question would be, HOW you look at your wife when she’s nude. But even asking that question seems a bit scrupulous to me.
 
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martino:
I cant imagine a scenario where seeing your spouse nude was inappropriate. It is absolutely appropriate at certain times and its certainly acceptable for all other times.
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Well seeing one’s spouse nude at Mass or in the mall would be a tad inappropriate, so I chose ‘it depends’. 😛

But there is nothing at all inappropriate about seeing one’s spouse nude at any private time and place.
 
I can see how in some circumstances, the viewing of one’s nude spouse could be sinful. For example, one’s viewing could stir up lustful passions when one is not about to engage in sex. If such is the case, then its, at the very least, a temptation. This is because one might be tempted to “relieve onself” so to speak. Also, if it makes the other feel uncomfortable, it could be sinful, since it signifies a lack of respect for the other’s modesty. Lust needs to be controlled within marriage as well as outside of marriage.
 
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Brendan:
Well seeing one’s spouse nude at Mass or in the mall would be a tad inappropriate, so I chose ‘it depends’. 😛

But there is nothing at all inappropriate about seeing one’s spouse nude at any private time and place.
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But it isn’t the seeing of your nude spouse that’s inappropriate, it’s that your spouse is nude at the mall. 😉
 
I think it would be wrong to secretly peek at a wife if she has asked to be left alone. Perhaps this would mean a restroom situation.

Also, if the husband is looking at her but his mind is not on her, you understand, then that is wrong too. He should stop looking (and stop his train of thought). Ditto for the wife.

I think it could be invasive if you two are in a failed marriage, living separately, or some problem like that, depending on what are the precise circumstances.
 
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byzmelkite:
I can see how in some circumstances, the viewing of one’s nude spouse could be sinful. For example, one’s viewing could stir up lustful passions when one is not about to engage in sex. If such is the case, then its, at the very least, a temptation. This is because one might be tempted to “relieve onself” so to speak. Also, if it makes the other feel uncomfortable, it could be sinful, since it signifies a lack of respect for the other’s modesty. Lust needs to be controlled within marriage as well as outside of marriage.
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The passions that such a viewing “stirs” up aren’t lustful. They are there by God’s design to ensure that the marriage is a fruitful and holy one.
 
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Brendan:
Well seeing one’s spouse nude at Mass or in the mall would be a tad inappropriate, so I chose ‘it depends’. 😛

But there is nothing at all inappropriate about seeing one’s spouse nude at any private time and place.
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Ditto. 😃
 
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Ham1:
The passions that such a viewing “stirs” up aren’t lustful. They are there by God’s design to ensure that the marriage is a fruitful and holy one.
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Well, that’s debateable. In general, the Church fathers saw spontaneous passions as a result of the Fall. That is why Adam and Eve became ashamed after they saw each other naked. Prior to the Fall, there would have been no spontaneous lust, but only rational desire.
 
A little reading in 19th century American social history must have been the impetus for this question. In some areas during those years, it was considered highly improper and immoral for a man to have sex with his wife in all or any of three circumstances:
  1. In a lighted room;
  2. With the wife stripped totally naked;
  3. During daylight hours.
Proper women were always to be at least partially attired and submission by the wife to the man was to be reluctant. In short, sex between married couples was viewed as a regrettable marital right of the husband to his wife’s body.
 
Wow, this is starting to sound like the whole Adam and Eve thing. I don’t think it is inappropriate to see your spouse naked. That doesn’t mean that he neccesarily wants to see me naked and coughing (Seinfield episode) or sitting on a toilet. I don’t look at is shamefully, the human body is beautiful.
 
I answered that it is appropriate.

In the Marriage bond it is now the right of each spouse to see the other in their nakedness. One question that I think needs to be asked is, are there ever times when the using of this right may not be the most appropriate.

All are called by their Baptism to live a chaste life.

2348 All the baptized are called to chastity. The Christian has "put on Christ,"135 the model for all chastity. All Christ’s faithful are called to lead a chaste life in keeping with their particular states of life. At the moment of his Baptism, the Christian is pledged to lead his affective life in chastity.

2349 "People should cultivate [chastity] in the way that is suited to their state of life. Some profess virginity or consecrated celibacy which enables them to give themselves to God alone with an undivided heart in a remarkable manner. Others live in the way prescribed for all by the moral law, whether they are married or single."136 Married people are called to live conjugal chastity; others practice chastity in continence.

2351 *Lust *is disordered desire for or inordinate enjoyment of sexual pleasure. Sexual pleasure is morally disordered when sought for itself, isolated from its procreative and unitive purposes.

I think 2351 applies to married people especially. As humans we live with the effects of original sin, concupiscence being one of them, and so we have a disordered desire for sexual pleasure - AKA - Lust.

I think it is fine that married couples see each other in nakedness, they have a right to. However I think if a spouse is trying his or her best to always see their spouse naked as many times as they can throughout the day that there may be a problem with Lust. I think it isn’t a sin against the spouse but it is more of a feeding of that disordered desire we all have for the flesh which the CCC 2351 says is Lust. Lust is like the doorway to sexual sin. When we fall into Lust we are tempted to commit sexual acts that are isolated from our procreative and unitive purposes - such as masturbation or forms of foreplay.

Even though seeing each other naked can be done for the married couple, most anything in excess is never good. We are all called to some form of purity and for the married it is conjugal chastity which contains a call to self-mastery. I think if one is going to grow in self-mastery, a spouse needs prudence (the virtue) to know if seeing too much of each other naked is going to lead to sexual activity and or sexual sin.
 
Since I gained a bit of weight, I try not to let my wife see me too much that way because I’m afraid it will turn her off. 😛

Fifty pounds ago, different story. Plus there’s that flashback to the days in high school locker room, umm, yeah…

I haven’t decided how to vote yet.

Alan
 
My husband and I don’t like company while using the bathroom. It’s not the nudity per se, but a privacy issue I guess. --KCT
 
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