Spouses not on the same page spiritually

[grizzly]

We have been married 36 years but we are light years apart spiritually. I converted four years ago and just can’t learn enough about our faith fast enough. My husband, on the otherhand, is a life-long Catholic but stayed away from the Church for 30 years. He went to Catholic school and says the faith was crammed down his throat. We don’t see the world the same anymore. I pray for us daily. Do I wait for him to catch up? Any advice?

 

[ridesawhitehors]

Hi Grizzly, nice to meet you. Welcome to the CA forums. It is a lot of fun here.
I am also a convert (4 years now too!) I have been married for 11 years and my husband is a non-catholic, and is basically a secularist - but he is curious and respectful of the Church. He does come to mass with me occasionally.

We too, are also worlds apart it seems like spiritually. It use to concern me a lot more then it does now. We have a good marraige, and no matter who he is - I have to be the same Christian that I am all the time for him. So, I don’t let his secularism get me down. I just try to be a light and an example. I know it works because he sees that my faithfulness to the Church, and to virtue - strengthens my faithfulness and love for him.
I pray for him - but I do not worry about him. I cannot change him - only God can, I just have to be sure to stay faithful to Jesus and the Church.
How you live your faith is a great witness to him. Keep your expectations of him — modest — as far as him being spiritually sensitive to you. But live your faith openly and be a good loving wife.
Just don’t let his lack of faith - drag you down - and don’t waste time worrying about him.
Thats all the advice I can give. Good luck - and once again, wecome.

 

[DVIN_CKS]

grizzly…have you ever thought that your marriage was in trouble because of the fact that you are on such different spiritual levels?

 

[Mamamull]

Our marriage has not been perfect, I am part of it.

One of the best things I have found for our marriage is to pray a daily rosary for your spouse. Our Lady is willing to help anyone come closer to her son.

Also, you have to be gracious to your spouse. It easy being the lesser one. I am convert and had the “Barney” Catechism – now we are both learing our faith. It is good that we are both there, but the event that tied us together spiritually was the death of child. I don’t ever advocate kiling a child on purpose

There is much you will have to endure, but remember the one who complains that the religon was stuffed down his throat didn’t really learn anything of value except to ignore everything. It will take great humilty for him to change. That is very contrary to our society’s concept. Study the life of St. Monica. I think you find inspiration there.

 

[Lisa_N]

grizzly thank you for bringing this up. I could have written it as we are on similar paths. I’m in the process of converting but my husband has zero interest in ANY church. Like your husband he was forced to go to Sunday school and church and vacation Bible school and church camp until he was 18 and rebelled . IOW it was crammed down his throat and he’s not swallowing any more. I could drag him to my former church (Prot) but he would go reluctantly and infrequently. God is such an important part of my everyday life that I don’t understand how someone’s life could seemingly be devoid of all contact with God or Jesus. In all fairness though when we married I was very secular and had not been raised with a faith so I can’t point the finger to him. I changed he didn’t.

I will read the answers with interest and will also study St Monica. Thanks to all for your wisdom
Lisa N

 

[MrS]

grizzly:

We have been married 36 years but we are light years apart spiritually. I converted four years ago and just can’t learn enough about our faith fast enough. My husband, on the otherhand, is a life-long Catholic but stayed away from the Church for 30 years. He went to Catholic school and says the faith was crammed down his throat. We don’t see the world the same anymore. I pray for us daily. Do I wait for him to catch up? Any advice?

If you let him see the joy in your life, he will take notice. Learn something on a particular topic (that is one that is especially Catholic), and then ask him “Hey, honey, do you know what I learned today?”

Be prepared for him to shut you down many times. Eventually he will only be silent. And eventually he will make comment.

Don’t push. Be as gentle as the Lord, and as patient. Dedicate your husband to the Blessed Virgin…and you will let her help you to help him.

God Bless You

 

[Fitz]

We are both Catholic, and have raised our 4 kids Catholic. However, I will admit that on and off one of us has been more faithful to the church. When my oldest were very young I was in a very liberal parish and I got very lax. Sometimes I look back and I think that perhaps I was even depressed. My husband helped me to get back into weekly attendance. We also went on faith renewal weekends.

Now, my older 3 are moved out and my last is in high school. My husband will go to church with me but he has little interest in doing extra things with the parish. I am more interested and am in my second year of bible study.

I am praying about it, but I am not jamming it down his throat. I do listen to Catholic radio every day and I do tell him interesting things that I find out from time to time. Periodically he has listened with me when I didn’t even know he was in the room.

I am thinking that as time goes on, and my interest stays high, that it will just naturally happen. I do ask him to join me in some extra spiritual meetings at church, and he usually declines. The good news is that I think my attending more has helped our relationship. I think it has to help. I will continue to pray about it.

 

[sparkle]

grizzly:

We have been married 36 years but we are light years apart spiritually. I converted four years ago and just can’t learn enough about our faith fast enough. My husband, on the otherhand, is a life-long Catholic but stayed away from the Church for 30 years. He went to Catholic school and says the faith was crammed down his throat. We don’t see the world the same anymore. I pray for us daily. Do I wait for him to catch up? Any advice?

Yes, friend–there are many on this board who are NOT IN THE SAME BOAT SPIRITUALLY. I for one. I’m in RCIA presently, and hubby and kids----well nominal–lukewarm nothing (hubby that is). I told him however since HE is so careless about his faith and I’m a zealot–wouldn’t it be best to rear our kids by the zealot? He did agree. I’m just now waiting on the Lord to show the way here. Once I’m a confirmed Catholic (Easter Vigil) --then I will pursue kids getting confirmed as well. As for him, well that’s HIS decision.

Do you have children? Out of the home? I do think if you’ve raised your family already friend–you’ve still GOT to answer the calling of God–no matter what. Leave HIS spiritual journey to HIM and God. YOU answer your call here-----be the BEST Christian you can- do what HE tells you----pray for hubby. That’s all you can do. IF you still have kids in the nest–well that’s a different story–like one I have to solve.

God Bless You Friend~~-

 

[Augustine]

grizzly:

We have been married 36 years but we are light years apart spiritually… We don’t see the world the same anymore. I pray for us daily. Do I wait for him to catch up? Any advice?

I hear you, sister. I was a devout Catholic when I met my wife and then got away from the Faith. To my surprise, after almost a decade away, a longing started to grow and we eventually started going to Mass, now faithfully every week.

I’ve been growing back into the Church’s spirituality, but my wife is a bit critical of it, perhaps because she’s been “scalded” by her parents’ New Age cult.

It saddens my heart that I have to compromise my growing into the Faith our of fear to snap her out of the Church. Worse yet, such cowardice is not a good example to our kids.

Others suggested in this thread to not worry and pray, but I’m a bit inclined to melancholy and easily fall in what’s close to desperation for things not being as I wish, a devout and pious family.

I don’t blame anyone but me, and being interdicted from the Eucharist makes things far worse.

Sorry, Grizzly, if I wasn’t of much help, but perhaps knowing that there are others in the same boat would make you feel not singled out. I guess it’s our cross to carry.

I’ll pray for you.

God bless.