Stand by your man?

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StratusRose

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My boyfriend just called me and said that he wants to buy some commercial land and start his own business. Right now he works for as a Mercedes-Benz Technician, and hates the company he works for. I think it’s great, but I am naturally very weary and doubtful of people taking risks like that. I don’t want to see him build a business then see it fail, also, I am wondering how our time together will suffer. It’s already suffering now because he works a lot and has projects that he does on his free time. We are planning on getting married so I am wondering if our plans will be put on the back burner indefinitely.

I want to be supportive, but I don’t know how. What do you all think? Guys, feel free to jump in too.
 
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StratusRose:
My boyfriend just called me and said that he wants to buy some commercial land and start his own business. Right now he works for as a Mercedes-Benz Technician, and hates the company he works for. I think it’s great, but I am naturally very weary and doubtful of people taking risks like that. I don’t want to see him build a business then see it fail, also, I am wondering how our time together will suffer. It’s already suffering now because he works a lot and has projects that he does on his free time. We are planning on getting married so I am wondering if our plans will be put on the back burner indefinitely.

I want to be supportive, but I don’t know how. What do you all think? Guys, feel free to jump in too.
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i am sorry my dear, this is one of those times when it’s really up to you… you need some time to talk to him, express how you feel, get his imput, mull that over in your mind… decide if it’s worth it, spend some major prayer time, ask the Holy Ghost to help to guide you through this…

…then roll the dice, and go for it:thumbsup:

oh, by the way… do you love him? If you do, then the above is probably a waste of time… i still recommend prayer… good luck.

Peace:thumbsup:
 
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StratusRose:
My boyfriend just called me and said that he wants to buy some commercial land and start his own business. Right now he works for as a Mercedes-Benz Technician, and hates the company he works for. I think it’s great, but I am naturally very weary and doubtful of people taking risks like that. I don’t want to see him build a business then see it fail, also, I am wondering how our time together will suffer. It’s already suffering now because he works a lot and has projects that he does on his free time. We are planning on getting married so I am wondering if our plans will be put on the back burner indefinitely.

I want to be supportive, but I don’t know how. What do you all think? Guys, feel free to jump in too.
Click to expand...
I am getting ready to quit my job to run an online business full-time, and I don’t think I would be able to do it without the incredible support from my girlfriend. At the same time, I am not unaware of the risks and the time it will take to make it a success. If you think it could be a good opportunity, and that there’s a real chance he could succeed, I’d say support him all the way. The support I’ve gotten has meant everything to me.
 
He sounds like an ambitious, entrepreneurial, self-starter. And your problem with this is…?!? Qualities like these should be cherished, praised and encouraged. Would you prefer to see him stuck in a job and/or at a company he hates so he has more time to “hang out” with you?! And why do you focus on the risk of failure instead of the opportunity for success?! Not only does that sounds selfish and needy, but a man frustrated with his career is neither good company nor inclined to settle into married life.

Yes, partners like this can sometimes be a challenge because they are driven to achieve–which can consume a lot of their time and attention. But they also tend to be engaged, passionate, successful people–and far more interesting company with whom to go through life. A man who feels the responsibility to develop a solid career will be much better equipped to take on the commitment of marriage and family. Give him support, offer to help him research the issues he needs to resolve before he quits his current job and be his cheerleader!! You might want to ramp up on an interest of your own so you’re not whining about being alone or having nothing to do without him…that gets wearisome very fast–and a passion of your own makes you a more interesting person to be around as well.
 
Island Oak:
He sounds like an ambitious, entrepreneurial, self-starter. And your problem with this is…?!? Qualities like these should be cherished, praised and encouraged. Would you prefer to see him stuck in a job and/or at a company he hates so he has more time to “hang out” with you?! And why do you focus on the risk of failure instead of the opportunity for success?! Not only does that sounds selfish and needy, but a man frustrated with his career is neither good company nor inclined to settle into married life.

Yes, partners like this can sometimes be a challenge because they are driven to achieve–which can consume a lot of their time and attention. But they also tend to be engaged, passionate, successful people–and far more interesting company with whom to go through life. A man who feels the responsibility to develop a solid career will be much better equipped to take on the commitment of marriage and family. Give him support, offer to help him research the issues he needs to resolve before he quits his current job and be his cheerleader!! You might want to ramp up on an interest of your own so you’re not whining about being alone or having nothing to do without him…that gets wearisome very fast–and a passion of your own makes you a more interesting person to be around as well.
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Wow. Thanks a lot for your “help.” It sure is nice to have people around to tell me that I’m “needy and selfish.” Next time I am concerned about my partner I’ll just remind myself that I am being a brat.
 
My first reaction would be “Stand by him no matter what!” But you probably need to express your concerns to him - especially about your eventual marriage. Starting your own business is definitely somewhat risky, but may be well worth it in the long run. Maybe if he starts this business you could help him with running it so you won’t be away from him more. It may end up you are with him more than now. Just a thought. :hmmm:

Whatever you do, praying about it will help. 🙂

I don’t think you are being selfish or needy by feeling the way you do. You may find that talking about how you feel with your fiance/boyfriend may make you feel better!

God bless you!
 
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StratusRose:
Wow. Thanks a lot for your “help.” It sure is nice to have people around to tell me that I’m “needy and selfish.” Next time I am concerned about my partner I’ll just remind myself that I am being a brat.
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Ok, that was a little mean of me. However, there is A LOT more to this situation and I wouldnt even know where to start. I have no problem supporting him, I would support him no matter what because I love him with all my heart. But, I know his personality, and how he gets when he’s stressed out, his physical health has taken a toll from the stress he puts on himself and when he’s not happy I’M not happy. I don’t want him to have a heart attack by the time he’s 35.
 
Just checked back in–guess I hit a nerve. It’s one of the hazards of soliciting opinions from those who don’t know all the facts/background you do.

Let me try this again: If you are truly concerned about his health or have a legitimate concern about how his commitment to work detracts from his commitment to you, that’s fair. But approach the situation with a positive attitude: offer to do all you can to help him plan, strategize, anticipate problems or even just be a sounding board to minimize his stress. Taking on this joint effort might bring you closer. Expect that this will consume him for a while–and maybe let him know that is one of your fears.

In the end, I’m not saying his business ambitions trump everything else. He owes you reasonable time, attention and consideration of your needs outside of the business if he wants to be in a relationship. If he can’t give you that, for whatever reason, perhaps he’s not a compatible life partner–despite the fact you love him. Or maybe he’s just not ready to make that commitment yet. Part of the task of dating is to see if you are compatible in your goals and values so that you can build a life together. If you find yourself perpetually frustrated and feel like you’re always struggling to get your needs met, then maybe that’s a sign you shouldn’t ignore.
 
I would say to support him in what he wants to do, but don’t sign anything that commits you to a major debt.
My sister got burned this way…
 
It’s a good sign that he wants to stand on his own instead of bying tied to a job in which he sees no perspectives. I don’t know the situation and can’t assess the level of risk. While some risk is unavoidable (one can get laid off from any job), excessive risk may be a problem. I guess it’s yours to assess. You know him better than we do and you probably know if he’s a risk-taker type or simply entrepreneurial.

I strongly suggest not jumping into anything you aren’t sure about. Don’t marry if you have any reservations. I agree with the previous poster – don’t sign any financial obligations. If your relationship suffers because of less time to spend together, give it more time. You need to be sure he’s the right man before you exchange the vows. Still, the most important thing is if you love him. Be warned that long-distance relationships are difficult. And if you don’t see each other and don’t have the time to talk, even on the phone or an internet messenger, it’s going to be really difficult.

My suggestion is keep trying and give it time. Postponing the wedding isn’t as bad as jumping into it prematurely, in the long run. Something I should probably first say to myself is, avoid making superhuman requirements. Avoid any semblance of a double standard or placing the other in a no-win situation (one in which he’s guilty or wrong either way). It’s difficult to find the golden mean between overlooking too little and overlooking too much.

You’re in my prayers. God bless.
 
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StratusRose:
My boyfriend just called me and said that he wants to buy some commercial land and start his own business. Right now he works for as a Mercedes-Benz Technician, and hates the company he works for. I think it’s great, but I am naturally very weary and doubtful of people taking risks like that. I don’t want to see him build a business then see it fail, also, I am wondering how our time together will suffer. It’s already suffering now because he works a lot and has projects that he does on his free time. We are planning on getting married so I am wondering if our plans will be put on the back burner indefinitely.

I want to be supportive, but I don’t know how. What do you all think? Guys, feel free to jump in too.
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Stratus: being supportive IS important, but so is being practical. My advice would be to evaluate your boyfriend’s new plan against the rest of his work history, or similar ventures he might have tried.

Before I met my husband, I was in a serious relationship with a man who perhaps could be definined as “entrepreneurial,” meaning he had a new, grandious and incredibly creative financial idea every 6 months or so. A new business, career plan, whatever. None of them panned out…he didn’t have the skills, education or drive to make any of them work, and he made no efforts to acquire those things, but blamed failure on “bad luck.” I was lovingly “supportive” for 2 years, and then realized things were never going to change, and left him.

Compare that situation to my husband’s. He is a successful architect who for a long time has been eyeing the field of real estate development. He has now decided that he really wants to pursue this complete career change, and I support him 200%. Why? Not just because it makes him so happy, which I delight in, but because I know he has done all the research to make a successful switch. He’s enrolled at Johns Hopkins for a part-time masters degree and now has new job offers coming out of his ears.

My point is that everyone has to take big business risks at some point, and that we all need the support of friends and family when we do. But support, especially if you’re not yet married to your boyfriend, isn’t unconditional: ask yourself if you trust him and will go on this adventure with him, or if you will just end up doubting and resenting him, in which case, you need to let him know. Both are valid, very different responses.
 
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StratusRose:
My boyfriend just called me and said that he wants to buy some commercial land and start his own business. Right now he works for as a Mercedes-Benz Technician, and hates the company he works for. I think it’s great, but I am naturally very weary and doubtful of people taking risks like that. I don’t want to see him build a business then see it fail, also, I am wondering how our time together will suffer. It’s already suffering now because he works a lot and has projects that he does on his free time. We are planning on getting married so I am wondering if our plans will be put on the back burner indefinitely.

I want to be supportive, but I don’t know how. What do you all think? Guys, feel free to jump in too.
Click to expand...
HEY! finally something i can give advice about from experiance! Stratus right after Erich and i got married (and i mean right after) he said, honey im quitting my job and opening an insurance agency, oh yeah i want you to quit to and work with me! needless to say i was less than pleased. but we prayed a lot about it and did it. we have been open for about 4 months now. we work 55-60 hour weeks together and couldnt be happier. self employment is so great, because you are working to improve your situation not someone elses. Its our baby and we can raise it be whatever we want it to be. give it a chance, be supportive and understanding, and keep in mind when he becomes work obsessed that hes doing it to better your situation as a couple and someday as a family. congratulations, and best wishes!!
 
I am not completely sure. Pray to the HS and He will help you… God Bless!
 
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maendem:
Stratus: being supportive IS important, but so is being practical. My advice would be to evaluate your boyfriend’s new plan against the rest of his work history, or similar ventures he might have tried.

Before I met my husband, I was in a serious relationship with a man who perhaps could be definined as “entrepreneurial,” meaning he had a new, grandious and incredibly creative financial idea every 6 months or so. A new business, career plan, whatever. None of them panned out…he didn’t have the skills, education or drive to make any of them work, and he made no efforts to acquire those things, but blamed failure on “bad luck.” I was lovingly “supportive” for 2 years, and then realized things were never going to change, and left him.

Compare that situation to my husband’s. He is a successful architect who for a long time has been eyeing the field of real estate development. He has now decided that he really wants to pursue this complete career change, and I support him 200%. Why? Not just because it makes him so happy, which I delight in, but because I know he has done all the research to make a successful switch. He’s enrolled at Johns Hopkins for a part-time masters degree and now has new job offers coming out of his ears.

My point is that everyone has to take big business risks at some point, and that we all need the support of friends and family when we do. But support, especially if you’re not yet married to your boyfriend, isn’t unconditional: ask yourself if you trust him and will go on this adventure with him, or if you will just end up doubting and resenting him, in which case, you need to let him know. Both are valid, very different responses.
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Excellent insight and advice!
 
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