Statement of Nullity

[James1968]

Hello all,

First post here, so here it goes…

I am a divorced Catholic, currently going through an application for nullity. I have a nine year old son, whom I was very blessed to receive.

My wife was a non-Catholic. She claims to have been baptized, but religion and faith for her are unimportant. She ultimately left me two years ago and “wanted to get her life back.” There were no occasions of infidelity or the like. She simply wanted out. I firmly believe she never understood what the Sacrament of Marriage meant, and was incapable of making that commitment. We are civilly divorced after a ten year marriage.

Fast forward a bit. I met this absolutely wonderful woman online who is also Catholic. We share that as a common bond, and have many other interests and likes. I have not told her yet (and in fact we’ve not even met in person yet…) that I am divorced. I feel quite strongly that I will succeed with the petition for nullity. When and how should I tell this woman I’ve just met. I am an honest, upstanding man, and certainly she would deserve to know my past so we could possibly move forward together.

Thoughts?

Apologies if this is in the wrong forum,
Respectfully,
James1968

 

[lizaanne]

Tell her immediately. As soon as you are done reading this, go to your email and write her or call her, and tell her that there is something she needs to know.

Right now you are not being totally open with her about your position. You ARE married still, and are not in a position to be dating UNTIL or UNLESS you receive a Declaration of Nullity, and that is never guaranteed. If she is a good and faithful Catholic, she may very well have an issue with “dating” a married man. If you think you might have a future with this woman you owe her this.

~Liza

 

[JRKH]

I agree with Lizanne. Tell her as soon as possible. Personally I would suggest by writing rather than in person or telephone. This gives you the opportunity to phrase things in the best way and she cannot “interupt” until she has read the entire message.
Apologize for not be entirely open with her, and explain just as you have to us here. If she is a good woman she will understand. She may want to pull back a bit until the allument issue is resolved but that will only reiforce that she is a good woman…

Good Luck in both areas.

Peace
James

 

[SMHW]

Tell her immediately. As soon as you are done reading this, go to your email and write her or call her, and tell her that there is something she needs to know.

Right now you are not being totally open with her about your position. You ARE married still, and are not in a position to be dating UNTIL or UNLESS you receive a Declaration of Nullity, and that is never guaranteed. If she is a good and faithful Catholic, she may very well have an issue with “dating” a married man. If you think you might have a future with this woman you owe her this.

~Liza

…what she said, There is no way to know what she will do with this information but she has the right to know.

 

[beth40n2]

The RCC assumes a marriage is valid until your proove otherwise, so this women needs to know at this point you can only be friends. You are technically not available to date until the annulment is done. If you further your relationship before the annulment, you take a chance of both of you getting hurt. Too many people leave the church because they get involved when they are not able, forgetting they are leaving Jesus behind.

I will be praying for you.

 

[joandarc2008]

I agree with everyone else - It is very difficult - but it can be done through God’s Grace. Remember you could be looking at a lifetime of celibacy if you do not receive the decree of nullity. Too put it in very bold but blunt terms it is best not to look at the menu unless one can eat. I can say this because I can understand what it is like to be in the situation of being held to vows that my husband will never honor and not knowing how my decree will turn out.

 

[corsair]

Tell her straight forward, but be gentle. I’ll bet that she will want to meet your child. Perhaps nothing will come of this relationship but whatever the case, be honest.

 

[EvelynEVF]

It’s a tough spot to be in.

I would gently suggest that after you tell her, that you do some introspection and really let your “status” sink in so that you don’t accidentally put yourself in difficult situations. If you see yourself as “mostly free but just waiting for the paperwork,” that’s a far cry from considering yourself a married man unless proven otherwise, and it might cause you more frustration and potential heartbreak.