Stay at Home Wives: What if your husband said 'go back to work'?

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Cargopilot has a poll up and running for working wives. Many of us, however, are in the opposite situation. So ladies, what if your husband asked you to return to work?
 
If he wanted me to return to work I would because I know he would do what he felt was best for the family. However, I wouldn’t like it, & I know there would be alot of discussion since we both have always said that it is best for me to stay home with the children no matter what the sacrifice. I do realize that there are extenuating circumstances that I pray never happen.
 
Never as long as our son lives with us which I hope is a long time.My husband, although he loves our autistic teenage son, of course, he admits he can not handle his everyday needs. Tony,our 17 year old son, is profoundly developmentally delayed and mute. Everything from bathing him, dressing him, giving him his daily meds, (he’s had several grand mals) to making sure he eats right has to be done for him. My husband tends to lose his temper with him when left alone. (which is rare) I’m not patting myself on the back but, I am much better to handle his needs. I*f we need more money, He would have to get a second job. BTW—Who in the world has time to watch TV and eat Bon-Bons if they have children??? I had 2 other children before Tony and the only thing I remember on TV during the day was Mr. Roger’s and Big Bird.😃 *
 
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kaymart:
Never as long as our son lives with us which I hope is a long time.My husband, although he loves our autistic teenage son, of course, he admits he can not handle his everyday needs. Tony,our 17 year old son, is profoundly developmentally delayed and mute. Everything from bathing him, dressing him, giving him his daily meds, (he’s had several grand mals) to making sure he eats right has to be done for him. My husband tends to lose his temper with him when left alone. (which is rare) I’m not patting myself on the back but, I am much better to handle his needs. I*f we need more money, He would have to get a second job. BTW—Who in the world has time to watch TV and eat Bon-Bons if they have children??? I had 2 other children before Tony and the only thing I remember on TV during the day was Mr. Roger’s and Big Bird.😃 *
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You are an inspiration Mom. The TV & Bon Bons comment used to come from my husband at the end of each day; it was presented as a joke, but I think there was more to it than that. It would rile me up 'cause I knew I’d been busy all day. He knew it, but enjoyed getting me worked up. Now he asks, “so what are they saying on Catholic Answers?”
 
I have been home all week my first week of vacation (I got sick so other plans fell through, what a waste) and there is nothing on TV, 900 channels of drek, and I am still waiting for the mailman to bring the bon-bons (which I am sure are not Atkins-friendly).

If I learned anything in 36 years of marriage (and everything I did learn was by doing the wrong thing and learning the hard way) these decisions have to be made mutually, and one person laying down the law to the other unilaterally just will not work.
 
Only if it was a financial necessity which only I would recognize anyway because DH has no clue where the $ goes.
Hopefully, it will never happen. I’m 58 with a G.E.D. and rather tired now.
 
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puzzleannie:
If I learned anything in 36 years of marriage (and everything I did learn was by doing the wrong thing and learning the hard way) these decisions have to be made mutually, and one person laying down the law to the other unilaterally just will not work.
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I’m very glad that I understand this before entering marriage. I presume it will reduce conflicts and make life easier for both me and my future wife.

Eamon
 
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kaymart:
Never as long as our son lives with us which I hope is a long time.My husband, although he loves our autistic teenage son, of course, he admits he can not handle his everyday needs. Tony,our 17 year old son, is profoundly developmentally delayed and mute. Everything from bathing him, dressing him, giving him his daily meds, (he’s had several grand mals) to making sure he eats right has to be done for him. My husband tends to lose his temper with him when left alone. (which is rare) I’m not patting myself on the back but, I am much better to handle his needs.
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Hi Kay… wow, I have tons of respect for what you’re doing, because we’re headed in the same direction. Our 6-year old son is profoundly autistic, and our 5-year old daughter has Asperger syndrome. There’s no way we could do it if my wife worked outside the home. I will offer prayers for you and your situation.

Dan
 
My husband would never unilaterally tell me to go back to work. We worked that issue out before we were married when I saw male colleagues saying that to their wives. I made it clear that I had no interest in a marriage in which my husband told me what to do or put pressure on me to do what he wanted. I knew that if I left my career for child-rearing that I would have to start close to the bottom when I decided to go back. My husband knew that when and if I quit working, it would be for good–short of some compelling financial reason for me to return to work.

During the 15 years that I worked in a well-compensated professional career, I was a diligent saver. In the 10 years in which I have not worked, my husband’s career and salary steadily progressed–in no small part because he has been freed from childcare and other household duties. He never put pressure on me to quit working and he would not. By the time we have an empty nest, we will be so close to retirement that I will be too old to work!

So far I am the lone “watch TV and eat bonbons” vote! (And I neither watch TV nor eat bonbons!) 😃
 
The children and I do sit to watch EWTN or science-related shows often during the summer. Couldn’t find bon-bons, so we indulge in pop-corn.
BTW, why would any man want his wife to go back to work? Wouldn’t that be admitting *he * wasn’t able to provide for their needs? Also, (from personal experience) I don’t care how holy the wife is, other men start looking pretty good out there. She doesn’t need to be unfaithful, but the comparing-game starts up before you know it. If financial situations change, and the wife MUST work to keep food and home, that’s different, but DEMANDING that she return to work just so they can have a nice vacation or a bigger house is a bad idea.

One time I asked my hubby if we could get a sunroom added to the house. He suggested I get a pt job to earn the money (while the kids were in school, of course). I worked for a few months, then my son broke his leg, so I had to quit. Found out that I really didn’t need that sunroom anyway. :o Great (money-saving) suggestion on hubby’s part, I thought.
 
I’m just so baffled by these threads asking what one spouse would do if the other asked or told him or her to do x. That’s not how marriage works: you’re a team and you tackle problems as a team. ?!
 
We are homeschooling our five children and right now, going back to work wouldn’t be economical as I’d have to put two into care and would have three needing after school care. Also, if I was to go back to a career outside of raising the kids, my husband couldn’t do the job he is doing now.

First though, I’d be shocked if my husband ever tried to lay down the law like that. We have a partnership and we have made these choices together. They are also choices, since we homeschool, that take time to reverse should we decide to do so. It would be too traumatic to the children to tell them one day that they are going to school and just put them in there. Too big a change without any preparation.

I have worked in a daycaer (top-quality) and taught. It’s not what I want for my children. There are big benefits to everyone, husband included, from having me home. The only real drawback is to me professionally but one day, I’ll do something else. It’s just not that season in my life and I love being with my children.

My mother went back to work when I was 12 and my sister was 10. Having experienced both sides, I am clear in my mind that the best place for me is home with the children. My staying home is by mutual agreement and I don’t believe one parent can just change that agreement again except by mutual consent again.
 
I really do think my dh would be near deaths door before he would ask me to get a job - esp. fulltime. We have discussed that if his health should ever make it difficult for him to hold down a decent job, that he’d stay home and I’d go out to earn the bacon. Needly to say, he is working hard to keep himself in good health! 😛 He readily admits my work is harder and he’s not sure he could do it everyday.

I imagine what’s important is dong what’s best for the family as a whole.
 
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cargopilot:
I’m gonna take a chance and answer for my wife. I’m pretty sure she would say something like, “Yeah, right”. There could even be a little hand jesture flashed in my direction.http://forums.catholic-questions.org/images/icons/icon10.gif
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I think our wives would get along quite well 🙂

Actually, I’ve had a bit of the reverse… we’re cash-strapped as a result of paying for lots of therapy for our oldest child. She’s asked if I’d like her to go back to work to help out with the expenses. Now that we’ve made the decision to homeschool our other two children, that’s out of the question.

Dan
 
i made sure before we married that he’d want me home as much as i want to be home:)
 
I don’t think I could handle working at a job that didn’t leave me covered in drool and spit up (with cheerios in my hair) afterward.
 
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LynnieLew:
I don’t think I could handle working at a job that didn’t leave me covered in drool and spit up (with cheerios in my hair) afterward.
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:rotfl: Too funny and too true!

I remember those days - I wish I could have them back, sometimes. That’s the sweetest job in the world, isn’t it?
 
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maendem:
I’m just so baffled by these threads asking what one spouse would do if the other asked or told him or her to do x. That’s not how marriage works: you’re a team and you tackle problems as a team. ?!
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Here here! slaps hand on desk a few times

Pretty sure we would make that decision together. Yep, pretty sure indeedleleedoodle. :amen:
 
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maendem:
I’m just so baffled by these threads asking what one spouse would do if the other asked or told him or her to do x. That’s not how marriage works: you’re a team and you tackle problems as a team. ?!
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Amen…though I seem to remember having no qualms about telling my husband a baby needed changing or a bath or feeding when he walked in the door at night…in a family you just do what needs to be done. If for some reason that meant we both needed to be in the workforce again…so be it. Though I can’t imagine how the necessity of my earning a wage would escape me much less require a directive from my husband.
 
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