Staying calm during a debate?

[Flame4]

Hi everyone, sorry If this is the worng place.

More often than not, I find people who are either trying to provoke me into gettng angry or people who are outright rude while conversing about religion.
I’ve always admired how Christ and the Saints are able to be so calm when defending the faith. I guess I’m a pretty emotional person. I easily get offended by the rude thing people will say about Christ, or other people (I know someone who insists Jews are bad, and that makes me upset as well.)
My question is, how can I learn to stay calm while conversing on these subjects? Should I just avoid talking about it?

Thanks and God Bless.

 

[Alex246]

Well, the first thing that I can reccomend is, ironically, the thing I tend to have trouble with: try to not take anything personally. it tends to make you unnecessarily defensive. The bad kind of defensive that tends to kill educational debate.
Also, don’t be afraid to slow down and think before you speak to make sure you do not offend the other person. Debate requires mutual respect. If you find yourself engaged in a debate with someone who does not want to be respectful, just break it off.
Finally, I have a bit of advice that may be phrased oddly, but it’s probably because I’m on my high school’s debate team: debate is like sports, practice makes perfect. If debating makes you nervous, just read up on the faith and find a thread on these forums that you can hold your own in, then jump in! If debate becomes more of a regular activity for you, you will become more calm while engaging in it.
Hope this helps

 

[PattiDay]

The first thing I’d say is no, don’t just avoid talking about these things.

If you come to CAF with any frequency, you will see that things can get plenty heated here. Some posters seem to actively seek to incite others to emotion or even anger. After awhile you can begin to recognize the posts and posters who are intentionally contentious.

Fortunately most of the posters here are intelligent and considerate of differences in belief and opinion. They are able to defend without resorting to insults and name calling. There’s still emotion, but the intention is to argue and inform from a standpoint of knowledge and credibility.

You’ve heard that two things one should never talk about is politics and religion, but these are two of the most interesting subjects, and the people who don’t talk about either are generally those who have no interest. There’s plenty of interest here.

 

[musicality]

I would suggest avoiding the thought that everyday conversations about religion with family/friends/colleagues are debates, even if someone brings a topic in order to elicit an emotional response from you.

I’ve found in my interactions with the friends and acquaintances (there are many of these due to my living situation as a college student) that people are willing to have a civil conversation if the person they are speaking with is charitable and has a fair amount of patience.

For example, there was a person last year who I interacted with on a regular basis. That person would bring up subjects involving the social scene/hook-up culture in college and how I took a different approach than many of my peers.

Once that person realized my actions (refusing to drunkenly hook up with people, remaining a virgin, etc.) were not due to social ineptitude, but due to my beliefs the questions were more targeted. I answered many questions that were meant to tease/antagonize me with patience because I didn’t want it to be a debate. In the end, that person and I, though our lifestyles were substantially different, had conversed on many deep/personal topics and had built a mutual respect. This was due in large part to the approach of the conversations.

EDIT: I should add that there is a time and a place for debate. The way I generally remain calm is avoiding the use of flawed logic–that is, avoid attacking the person you are debating. Instead take on their arguments one by one in systematic and thought out response with carefully chosen words. Things generally become heated for me when I feel that I am not properly getting my point across, which is usually my fault for being inarticulate in my arguemnts.

 

[SMHW]

As has been suggested, one of the things to do is try not to take other people’s opinions personally.

Of course this is hard to do. But remember that there are all kinds of reasons why people have reached conclusions other than what you have reached.

If all else fails, remember that it is not the fault of a tiger that it wants to eat you. It’s just trying to do what comes naturally. There’s nothing personal going on. The tiger doesn’t hate you. It’s just hungry. And it’s unlikely that anything you say to a tiger is going to convince the tiger it’s not hungry. The best you can hope for is to avoid it or scare it away.

You have to treat some people as tigers.

 

[yosephdaviyd]

Hi everyone, sorry If this is the worng place.

More often than not, I find people who are either trying to provoke me into gettng angry or people who are outright rude while conversing about religion.
I’ve always admired how Christ and the Saints are able to be so calm when defending the faith. I guess I’m a pretty emotional person. I easily get offended by the rude thing people will say about Christ, or other people (I know someone who insists Jews are bad, and that makes me upset as well.)
My question is, how can I learn to stay calm while conversing on these subjects? Should I just avoid talking about it?

Thanks and God Bless.

I find that the only reason we get loud, angry, and etc. during debates is when we start to take the opposition’s words personally. If you remember that ‘it’s not about you’ and that you are just a servant of the truth you will be able to keep your focus on putting the truth out there calmly and effectively.

And yeah, sometimes you just have to prayerfully walk away from idiots and people who are not interested in the truth.

Answer not the fool according to his folly, lest you too become like him.
Answer the fool according to his folly, lest he become wise in his own eyes.
Proverbs 26:4-5

 

[Big_Dummy]

Hi everyone, sorry If this is the worng place.

More often than not, I find people who are either trying to provoke me into gettng angry or people who are outright rude while conversing about religion.
I’ve always admired how Christ and the Saints are able to be so calm when defending the faith. I guess I’m a pretty emotional person. I easily get offended by the rude thing people will say about Christ, or other people (I know someone who insists Jews are bad, and that makes me upset as well.)
My question is, how can I learn to stay calm while conversing on these subjects? Should I just avoid talking about it?

Thanks and God Bless.

Ah, you are aware that Saint Nick punched Arius in the nose, right???

 

[TimothyH]

Remember that it’s not about winning but about seeking truth. Being upset is usually a sign of pride. There will always be jerks. Just shake the dust off your feet and move on.

More often than not, I try to just plant a seed, to give one example of Catholicism’s exact conformance to scripture. Many non-Catholics have been told that there is no scriptural basis for Catholic beliefs and it is a watershed moment for them to not only hear a Catholic defending his faith, but to see actual Biblical proofs for Catholic doctrines. It can really get people thinking. Or you can show one example of the absolute beauty in Catholic beliefs and simply leave it there.

My goal is usually to hear them say, “Wow, I never thought of that” or “Yea, I see your point, that is kinda cool.” and then I am either done or I invite them to Mass.

You have the fullness of truth on your side, the infallible Catholic Church established by Jesus Christ himself. You really have nothing to fear. Pray that God gives you skill and humility to defend him in battle.

-Tim-

 

[Glenn77]

If I find I’m not staying calm, I end the conversation or change the subject. If it gets to the the point where I am getting angry, it will show and I am no longer showing a Christ-like attitude. I won’t be able to make my point, as actions speak louder than words.

Some of the advice in thread will help me – thanks all.

 

[david_friol_1]

Hi everyone, sorry If this is the worng place.

More often than not, I find people who are either trying to provoke me into gettng angry or people who are outright rude while conversing about religion.
I’ve always admired how Christ and the Saints are able to be so calm when defending the faith. I guess I’m a pretty emotional person. I easily get offended by the rude thing people will say about Christ, or other people (I know someone who insists Jews are bad, and that makes me upset as well.)
My question is, how can I learn to stay calm while conversing on these subjects? Should I just avoid talking about it?

Thanks and God Bless.

Read 1Cor13 over and over until you really see that you do not love as you should because love takes no offense. Then read it again and ask God to forgive you and to show you how to see these people that provoke you with Christ’s love while offering up any irritation you may have for the conversion of sinners and for the offenses against the Sacred Heart of Jesus and the Immaculate Heart of Mary

 

[CoyoteGirl]

I don’t mind a good debate, but if the person simply wants to attack, you can tell: The conversation goes in circles and they won’t listen to you, they make incoherent arguments, won’t stick to one issue. Sometimes I have to walk away or I’ll blow up.

Hmm, I just hit on my trigger- I think I’m most irked when the other person tries to argue about a new topic before he/she has let me finish answering the first one they bring up.

Finding your own trigger might be helpful. But certainly being dragged into it with people who clearly are simply trying to provoke you isn’t useful to anybody, even if they are family. I’ve learned to simply grin wide at my father-in-law and say, “Hi” a lot even when it would seem like a completely random moment.

Him: “Your husband’s getting fat.”
Me: “Hi!”