G
girl
Guest
I became Catholic four years ago – after four years of attending Catholic services and reading about the church. My RCIA book was very theology-lite; I never got to know anyone at the church where I did RCIA. A lot of what I knew about the Church came from the academic study of Latin, the medieval church, Catholic theology, Vatican II, etc., rather than any sense of fellowship or agreement with local Catholic communities.
Churches I’ve attended:
(1) Traditionalist Roman Catholic. If you’re not Catholic you don’t matter until you are, most Catholics aren’t even Catholic, God prefers Latin, everything and its brother is a venial or mortal sin or invalidates the Mass and once you know the Rules you’re culpable, memorize the Catechism, go to Confession every week.
(2) Newman Center. Social Justice is what it’s all about so put some money in the basket, the word “sin” is taboo, sadness is bad, Jesus Loves You No Matter What So Learn to Love Yourself, church teachings are wise advice but conscience reins supreme, go Green, vote Obama.
(3) Eastern Catholic. Christ died to save the world, be Jesus to the poor and to the sinners in your lives, oppose the Culture of Death, support the Family, Love covers a multitude of sins, Vote Pro-Life.
I’ve still not found that sense of fellowship or agreement, and I’m concerned that I was confused and mistaken when I became Catholic in the first place. I’ve also lost the trust in some relatively recent church teachings that I held at that time (Sunday obligation, ban against clandestine marriage, the way female fertility is simultaneously acknowledged when it comes to NFP but denied when it comes to evaluating sexual acts as natural or unnatural, post-Renaissance Marian traditions) or rather – it looks to me as though I was squelching my misgivings because I believed that I was being asked to submit to church teachings even if they seemed wrong to me. The spiritual and psychological effects of closing my mind in this way were serious and unsustainable. As I realized that the change in personality I’d undergone was related to my new faith, eventually I could no longer make it through a service without crying uncontrollably and being compelled to leave (this was a year ago); I no longer attend Mass though I often still cry through that time slot on Sunday morning.
I don’t know that I can be Catholic and also honest with myself, even though my central beliefs haven’t changed. After my experience with Catholicism, I have almost nothing in common with Protestants anymore, so I no longer feel that I can even be Christian outside of the Catholic Church (the position I started from). The most godly, most charitable people in my life, the people who have truly “been Jesus” for me, were from all different religious backgrounds – I would rather become more like those people than “be Catholic” when it’s holding me back. But every time I read Vatican II I think, I want to be part of this!
Churches I’ve attended:
(1) Traditionalist Roman Catholic. If you’re not Catholic you don’t matter until you are, most Catholics aren’t even Catholic, God prefers Latin, everything and its brother is a venial or mortal sin or invalidates the Mass and once you know the Rules you’re culpable, memorize the Catechism, go to Confession every week.
(2) Newman Center. Social Justice is what it’s all about so put some money in the basket, the word “sin” is taboo, sadness is bad, Jesus Loves You No Matter What So Learn to Love Yourself, church teachings are wise advice but conscience reins supreme, go Green, vote Obama.
(3) Eastern Catholic. Christ died to save the world, be Jesus to the poor and to the sinners in your lives, oppose the Culture of Death, support the Family, Love covers a multitude of sins, Vote Pro-Life.
I’ve still not found that sense of fellowship or agreement, and I’m concerned that I was confused and mistaken when I became Catholic in the first place. I’ve also lost the trust in some relatively recent church teachings that I held at that time (Sunday obligation, ban against clandestine marriage, the way female fertility is simultaneously acknowledged when it comes to NFP but denied when it comes to evaluating sexual acts as natural or unnatural, post-Renaissance Marian traditions) or rather – it looks to me as though I was squelching my misgivings because I believed that I was being asked to submit to church teachings even if they seemed wrong to me. The spiritual and psychological effects of closing my mind in this way were serious and unsustainable. As I realized that the change in personality I’d undergone was related to my new faith, eventually I could no longer make it through a service without crying uncontrollably and being compelled to leave (this was a year ago); I no longer attend Mass though I often still cry through that time slot on Sunday morning.
I don’t know that I can be Catholic and also honest with myself, even though my central beliefs haven’t changed. After my experience with Catholicism, I have almost nothing in common with Protestants anymore, so I no longer feel that I can even be Christian outside of the Catholic Church (the position I started from). The most godly, most charitable people in my life, the people who have truly “been Jesus” for me, were from all different religious backgrounds – I would rather become more like those people than “be Catholic” when it’s holding me back. But every time I read Vatican II I think, I want to be part of this!
1) take your written post …go sit in a Church-chapel with perpetual Eucharistic adoration (or a Church with the Blessed Sacrament)…and ask the Lord Jesus to send his Holy Spirit deep into your heart and mind to discuss/discern all that you have written…point-by-point…and the only caveat/promise that you have to offer the Lord Jesus…is that you will do whatever he wills for you…even if you don’t (feel) like it or don’t want to do it…provided that he gives you the graces to do it!