Storywriting Question: Relationships

[merida321]

Hello!
I am currently in the works of an adventure comic. A huge part of the story revolves around good ol’ platonic friendship. I have never been interested in sexual/romantic dynamics but I love good friendship in stories. Think the dynamics of the LOTR characters.

So anyways, my question is, how is deep friendship expressed, specifically between people of the same gender? Is it ok to have 2 guy characters or 2 female characters hug/comfort/care for each other in a meaningful way? I want to express how much they care about each other’s well being, but how do I avoid people interpreting everything sexually? I for one enjoy physical touch like that because it makes me feel safe/grounded/loved but the world today interprets everything sexually so I don’t know what’s ok and what’s not anymore! I don’t want to cross any lines.

Hope this question isn’t too silly!

 

[MNathaniel]

how do I avoid people interpreting everything sexually?

Unfortunately, you can’t control how other people interpret things.

So I’d just say, tell your story truthfully to you, and be prepared to pray for and tolerate those who interpret sexual overtones into what you’ve written.

There are people today who interpret Jesus allowing the beloved disciple to recline on his chest, as evidence of a sexual/romantic relationship.

It’s sad. Such people miss out on the depths of human emotion and relationship beyond sex.

But if the Holy Spirit-guided gospel authors describing Jesus’ friendship with the beloved disciple couldn’t ‘avoid’ 21st century people interpreting that sexually, neither can you avoid it.

So just write what you want to write, and stand firm about what you mean – and don’t shy away from really showing people how deep friendship love can go, without needing to be sexual! The world could use more Frodo-Sam stories.

 

[MNathaniel]

PS re: Frodo/Sam, that might be one concrete technique. Sam gets married at the end of the story, and all throughout the story he’s dreaming of returning to the Shire and seeing that woman he wants to dance with. So maybe it could help you, alongside showing the depth of your characters’ friendship love for each other, to include at least peripheral plot points indicating that they experience attraction to someone of the opposite sex, who they long to marry and perhaps (as with Sam) end up marrying.

That way alongside seeing the devotion friends show each other, your story will also include sufficient indicator that there’s a separate category called ‘romance’, and your characters know the difference.

I realize you said you’re not really interested in writing romantic dynamics at all but if you could swing it even peripherally, that might be a helpful tool in your toolkit. It would provide the reader contrast between different types of relationship within the same fictional world.

 

[lwest]

Personally, I would avoid physical contact because it could so easily be misconstrued.

 

[MNathaniel]

One final technique I might use, re: a Frodo/Sam approach: make sure that when your Sam talks about wanting to marry his Rose, your Frodo is depicted as genuinely happy about the idea of Sam/Rose, and not accidentally depicted as ‘jealous’. Friendship and romance aren’t mutually exclusive – but romance and romance are. So if one of your ‘friend’ characters acts like he’s losing something when his friend gets married (instead of gaining a new friend in his friend’s spouse, and being happy to see his friend blossom into the fullness of married life), that could trip up your readers or give the wrong impression.

Platonic friends should recognize and be happy for the changed life circumstances of a married person, and be interested in getting to know (and respect) the person their friend marries. Even if your story doesn’t go all the way through to the end (past a point where one of the characters marries), the overall impression your reader should have is that your characters would be genuinely happy for their friends to marry. When their friend talks about it they should be encouraging, happy, etc.

 

[Annie]

Also, I think maybe it would be best if any physical contact occurred at moments if high emotion, which seems like what people actually do.

Like a big mutual hug when they see each other after a separation which involved danger for one of them, an arm around the shoulder if one is very sad, etc.

This would also heighten the idea of the emotion, whereas if they touch a lot, then its effect would be diluted.

 

[merida321]

Thanks so much everyone! These tips are very helpful! <3 <3

 

[Viki63]

Congratulations on what you’re trying to do! We need more good writing, in comics as well as books.
I personally never touch people except in times of great stress, for example I hugged a friend when her sister died. A hand on a shoulder for encouragement is appreciated, when someone is facing a trial. “You can do this!”
Good luck and God bless.

 

[bluerose]

When my MIL wrote a novel (very loosely based on events that happened in her own family), her editor had her make changes to the way two of her characters (they were sisters) related to each other. She based their behavior (holding hands and even sharing a bed) with the way her own daughters and young girls of that generation would act, but she was warned that, in this day and age, it would very easily be construed as thinly veiled same-sex attraction. She was mortified but had to agree.