Strange issues right before confirmation

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I’m in the final stretch of converting to Catholicism, had my first confession (which was wonderful), and scheduled to be confirmed within the week.

But now is when things get weird. In Mass, a thought pops into my head “What are you doing here?”. I left feeling confused. For three nights in a row I’ve had frightful dreams about becoming Catholic which jolted me awake. These were diabolical in nature, belittling the Church. (I’m not prone to this sort of thing, which makes it more disturbing.) I discussed it with my sponsor, and he said this sort of spiritual harassment isn’t all that unusual prior to confirmation.

But emotionally, I feel numb. I should be excited about joining into full fellowship with the Church, but the last few days have been flat-lined, like I’ve lost interest and want to just walk away. And to have these feelings after years of desiring to enter the Church?

Thoughts?
 
You are being tested by the evil one. My suggestion is when having that thought “what are you doing here?” answer with coming into communion with my Lord, Jesus Christ. Stay the course and do not let Satan win.
 
Agree with Horton, Satan is messing with you.
Very common, St. Therese of Lisieux experienced such doubts the day before her vows, even though she hadn’t had a single though of not becoming a nun her whole life.

Complete your conversion, and you will be at peace.
 
Thank you for the suggestions. I’ll give them a try. I understand it’s a spiritual battle but was unprepared for the dreams. Never experienced that as a Protestant.
 
Thank you. It’s been quite the journey. Never expected the desire to waver, though.
 
It’s normal. Make your decision to follow through with confirmation or not on your intellect, not emotions. Zeal for things always go up and down, as do emotions. I went through all that too when I converted, except I did not have any bad dreams. It will be fine. God bless.
 
Do you have any Holy Reminders in your bedroom? I have a Crucifix, picture of a Crucifix, and a triptyche icon that contains Our Lady of Perpetual Help. I think the Angels flanking it are St. Raphael and St. Michael…Anyways, consider investing in something like that. I am in my conversion process, and they have definately helped!
 
mid said:
But emotionally, I feel numb. I should be excited about joining into full fellowship with the Church, but the last few days have been flat-lined, like I’ve lost interest and want to just walk away. And to have these feelings after years of desiring to enter the Church?
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It definitely seems like you are under some spiritual harassment. Also, try to remember that our relationship with God and our participation in the sacraments, prayer, spiritual reading and practices, etc should not be based on feelings or emotions that we may get from them. St. John of the Cross warns of this, and the danger to our spiritual lives that this type of attachment can generate.

When we experience dry spells or dark nights of the senses and soul, it is an opportunity for us to persevere; to continue to choose God not because of the good feelings and emotions and consolations, but rather because we love Him.

It can be hard to remember this when we are in the midst of doubts or feeling spiritually dry or numb, but don’t give up! Focus on Christ and His Passion. Place yourself at the foot of the Cross. Pray Psalm 88, which is traditionally held to be what Jesus prayed while imprisoned the night before His death:
2LORD, the God of my salvation, I call out by day;
at night I cry aloud in your presence

3Let my prayer come before you;
incline your ear to my cry

4For my soul is filled with troubles;
my life draws near to Sheol.

5I am reckoned with those who go down to the pit;
I am like a warrior without strength.

6My couch is among the dead,
like the slain who lie in the grave.
You remember them no more;
they are cut off from your influence.

7You plunge me into the bottom of the pit,
into the darkness of the abyss.

8Your wrath lies heavy upon me;
all your waves crash over me.

9Because of you my acquaintances shun me;
you make me loathsome to them;
Caged in, I cannot escape;

10my eyes grow dim from trouble.
All day I call on you, LORD;
I stretch out my hands to you.

11*Do you work wonders for the dead?
Do the shades arise and praise you?

12Is your mercy proclaimed in the grave,
your faithfulness among those who have perished?

13Are your marvels declared in the darkness,
your righteous deeds in the land of oblivion?

14But I cry out to you, LORD;
in the morning my prayer comes before you.

15Why do you reject my soul, LORD,
and hide your face from me?

16I have been mortally afflicted since youth;
I have borne your terrors and I am made numb.

17Your wrath has swept over me;
your terrors have destroyed me.

18All day they surge round like a flood;
from every side they encircle me.

19Because of you friend and neighbor shun me;
my only friend is darkness.
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You are welcome! I have my crucifix positioned near my bed and doorway. That way I can always be comforted by remembering who is in charge while I am awake and sleeping. But that is just my choice on placement.
 
Your suggestion makes perfect sense, and I’d never thought about doing that.
 
May I offer another suggestion? Because I too had nightly doubts when I started my conversion.
 
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mid said:
I’m in the final stretch of converting to Catholicism, had my first confession (which was wonderful), and scheduled to be confirmed within the week…
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Remember you are already in the state of sanctifying grace (first confession). Being in that state means that when you apply your will to do what is good, God will simultaneously reinforce it. You will succeed!
 
I had similar very strong doubts and second thoughts right before Easter. I just felt like a lot of Catholic practices felt “foreign” or strange. I even changed my Confirmation saint at the last minute, to someone of a similar heritage. It was funny, because I even did that thing where you open the Bible randomly, and the verse I opened it to said something like “There are no foreigners in my Father’s house”, which I took as a sign! It’s been ten years now, and I have never regretted becoming Catholic for a moment. Best of luck to you – you have to do what you think is best, and where you think God is leading you.
 
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I had a similar experience when I came into the Church 2017 Easter. The week before, I was overwhelmed with the thought what am I doing? What would happen if I didn’t show up? I went to Adoration, prayed, picked up a St. Michael thumb medal which I kept in my pocket. All doubts vanished and everything went as planned. God be with you.
 
I pray an Our Father and Hail Mary before I go to sleep. Btw, congratulations on your conversion!
 
The way I see things, there are two steps in the religious joining adventure.
  1. actually believing that a particular god exists. Why this god and not that other? Why any god at all? But let’s take that for granted. You’re hooked by the Christian version of god.
  2. going for a particular religion. A religion is an organization that depicts a particular god in a particular light. Why Catholicism and not Southern Baptism? Why Sunni and not Shia? etc…
So, what are you doing joining a particular organization?
Why do you want to join any organization that revolves around the divine?
Why do you want to join this organization?
What makes this organization particularly appealing to you?
 
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