Strategies for Overcoming Masturbation are not helpful

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Engineer4God

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Hi, everyone. I am a 27-year old Catholic man who struggles with masturbation. Thankfully, I have never been addicted to porn (at least in a literal definition of porn). What causes me to fall is my own imagination, not pictures. Covenant Eyes may be helpful for protection from online porn but not my imagination. Sometimes it is caused by something as seemingly innocent as reading a kissing scene in a novel or even studying Theology of the Body. I guess it is also because I am lonely and sick of being single and the fact that, unlike my peers, I have not even had my first girlfriend or my first kiss (which I plan on saving for marriage). I am tempted to daydream about what sexual acts I would do to please my future wife. In real life, these acts would be pure, but since it isn’t real, that makes it impure.

I have received several tips from priests and others on how to overcome my sin, but none of them seem to be helping. If the strategy is “do something else” this is not helpful at all because the time I am most tempted is at night when I am trying to go to sleep. Am I supposed to stay up all night reading my Bible? I’ve tried praying, but after my prayer is over, the temptation comes back with a vengeance. I go to confession every week so at least that’s good. Every time I get advice, I feel resentment at being talked down to like I don’t know what the Catholic teachings are. I’ve read the Catechism and I already know why masturbation is wrong and what God’s true plan is for sex. Theology won’t help me now. I need practical solutions. I’m tired of hearing cliche and repeated answers. I need some REAL help here. Maybe I need a support group or accountability partner but I’m afraid to and don’t know where to look. Help!
 
Engineer4God said:
. I’m tired of hearing cliche and repeated answers.
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No offense, but what more do you expect from strangers on the internet? I doubt anyone here will have better insights in avoiding your particular temptation than a priest.
Engineer4God said:
Maybe I need a support group or accountability partner but I’m afraid
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Pray for courage, grit your teeth and fake it till you make it. You’ve identified a possible solution. If you are as desperate to stop as you claim then the first step is to swallow your pride. Be a man and do what needs to be done. That’s about as practical as I can give you.
 
I would say to you that if you have trouble with imagination…get back into nature ,do the small things you used to enjoy as a child,explore the world again in small ways.P and M destroy what’s innocent ,and you can work on reclaiming that again.Do this not only for yourself, but your future spouse who will see how you see life through your eyes.
Hopefully going to mass in a bit, so I’ll pray for you there,God bless.
 
Maybe you have too much free time to daydream in a day. Get involved in something that is outside of your mind. Volunteer somewhere. Go jogging. Lift weights. Socialize. Stop reading things that trigger you, whatever it is. Daydreaming about your future wife in your case is not helping. What steps are you taking to actually meet someone.

And please don’t take this the wrong way, but maybe rethink that whole saving your first kiss for marriage thing too. That seems a little bit much for you.
 
Engineer4God said:
I guess it is also because I am lonely and sick of being single and the fact that, unlike my peers, I have not even had my first girlfriend or my first kiss (which I plan on saving for marriage
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This seems excessive to me. You seem to be overly focused on purity: refusing even to kiss someone before you’re actually married strikes me as over the top and frankly kind of weird. I expect this is going to rub a lot of women, even traditional Catholic women, as nuts. Maybe you have some unhealthy ideas about sex and sexual desire?
 
Hey Engineer4God, 🙂

Thanks for sharing this struggle with us. I particularly encourage you to “test the spirit” of each reply you receive, whether it is from God’s Spirit or the spirit of the enemy. No offence, but I was particularly moved in a negative way by humbleseeker’s reply, that he or she may have been too harsh and internet troll’y in my opinion. Apologies if I misunderstood your intent, humbleseeker.

Even a brief scan of some other replies seemed to find people rushing to a conclusion and judging. Jesus loves you and is glad you are trying. I think you will find it hard to argue with my advice which is to pray and to stay as close as you can to the Eucharist and Confession. Pray to your guardian angel constantly, a special saint (like your confirmation saint), and of course Mary our Mother. Especially the Eucharist works miracles and the Church teaches it is a strong remedy against mortal sin and a strong help against fighting against these difficult attachments and temptations.

Please message me if you want to discuss this more and please always seek to be encouraged and not to despair. With all due respect to any who have tried to help, including me, but always take it all to a loving and lively dialogue with God the Father through His Son Jesus Christ, who gives us every reason to hope in the Spirit.

Something like that! Praise God 🙂 <3

I offer you 1 Hail Mary as well in gratitude and hope for God’s excellent divine help for you 🙂

EDIT: I can do a better job of reading your original post and understanding your struggle better perhaps in a future reply, for now to be honest I read your OP quickly and some replies quickly and felt I wanted to say what I wrote. I know my ultimate advice is “cliche” perhaps but difficult to improve on. I can attempt some more “practical” or “earthly” solutions another time, but caution against thinking there is some excellent solution outside of perhaps the Sacraments and God’s intervention. Some of the replies seemed to focused on what the human will can achieve without enough recourse to God.
 
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Well, I would say for one thing. Stop day dreaming. You’re an engineer. Discipline your mind. Do something else. Whether it be cerebral, intellectual, or some other activity that will occupy your mind and body in some way.
 
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If you struggle with the temptation before falling asleep, maybe take some melatonin to help you fall asleep faster?
 
The desire for sexual release is biologically hardwired. Choosing to fight this sometimes overwhelming need is difficult. You are correct that most “strategies” are pretty lame.
 
Look up ‘The Angelic Warfare Confraternity’ on YouTube, I think you might find it interesting.
 
No, I wasn’t trolling. Here is what the Op wrote:
Engineer4God said:
Catholic teachings are. I’ve read the Catechism and I already know why masturbation is wrong and what God’s true plan is for sex. Theology won’t help me now.
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Yet, you wrote:
struggleMt71314 said:
I think you will find it hard to argue with my advice which is to pray and to stay as close as you can to the Eucharist and Confession.
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Later, you admitted you actually read his post a little quickly so:
struggleMt71314 said:
I can attempt some more “practical” or “earthly” solutions another time,
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Which is what I was doing, because, once again, thats what the Op asked for. But no offense taken😀
 
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I used to fall into the sin of masturbation myself.
It was my imagination, reading books and watching movies with sexual acts that could make it go on. Personally this were mostly before I became Catholic, so I don´t have much good advise to offer. What worked for me was trying to refuse to go on with the thoughts, and to decide for myself to try not to commit the sin anymore. (This doesn´t work for everybody, and I myself have other sins which I struggle a lot more to cope with than this one). As a teenager trying to be serious about my Faith I thought it were terribly awkward to confess a sin like masturbation, so as strange as it sounds - it helped me stop.

Of course I still have some temptation, but it´s now less. But as said, I have my own set of sins to deal with and they aren´t really that easy either. On those I should probably seek some guidance on as well…
 
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I don’t know if this will help you, but it has helped me. BTW, I am an old man, and the desire for sexual union does not just go away with age. The old story is of a young monk who asked the abbot when this sexual desire will leave him - how old do you have to be? The old abbot answered, about 30 minutes after you die.

That’s not what I want to say to you, however. I believe that the Lord intends physical sexual desire to be so strong in men, because it is a very important sign for us: it is a sign of the very strong spiritual desire for spiritual union of Christ with His Church.

Jesus is the Bridegroom of HIs Church, and She is His holy Bride, as Paul wrote:
  • Eph 5:31 “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”
  • Eph 5:32 This mystery is a profound one, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church;…
Jesus, in His body on earth deeply longed for His Bride! He deeply desired to be spiritually One with her, and she spiritually One with Him! Listen to the prayer of Jesus in John 17, with this in mind:
  • Joh 17:22 The glory which thou hast given me I have given to them, that they may be one even as we are one,
  • Joh 17:23 I in them and thou in me, that they may become perfectly one, so that the world may know that thou hast sent me and hast loved them even as thou hast loved me.
  • Joh 17:24 Father, I desire that they also, whom thou hast given me, may be with me where I am, to behold my glory which thou hast given me in thy love for me before the foundation of the world.
  • Joh 17:25 O righteous Father, the world has not known thee, but I have known thee; and these know that thou hast sent me.
  • Joh 17:26 I made known to them thy name, and I will make it known, that the love with which thou hast loved me may be in them, and I in them."
Listen to this, deeply. You may begin to appreciate the holiness of that desire in you - and what it is a holy sign of. Perhaps it will help you offer your body and the suffering you experience in this matter, offer it all to the Lord, that He might help you understand the gift that it is - and the value that it is - and that He might guide you into holiness in mind and in heart, in Him.
 
Engineer4God said:
have received several tips from priests and others on how to overcome my sin, but none of them seem to be helping. If the strategy is “do something else” this is not helpful at all because the time I am most tempted is at night when I am trying to go to sleep. Am I supposed to stay up all night reading my Bible
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You didn’t mention, do you currently pray the rosary daily?
 
You didn’t mention, do you currently pray the rosary daily?
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Regrettably, not much these days. Sometimes during Lent, I’ve disciplined myself to pray it everyday. I guess I should get back into it. I got away from it because of all the audio-books I enjoy listening to. For me, seasons of prayer come and go in waves. After a silent retreat, I keep it up for awhile, then slowly do it less and less. I have been reading the Bible everyday, though (more specifically, an audio Bible).
 
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BoomBoomMancini said:
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Engineer4God:
I guess it is also because I am lonely and sick of being single and the fact that, unlike my peers, I have not even had my first girlfriend or my first kiss (which I plan on saving for marriage
Click to expand...
This seems excessive to me. You seem to be overly focused on purity: refusing even to kiss someone before you’re actually married strikes me as over the top and frankly kind of weird. I expect this is going to rub a lot of women, even traditional Catholic women, as nuts. Maybe you have some unhealthy ideas about sex and sexual desire?
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Well, maybe it is excessive (and even my parents have told me so), but I have heard of some really traditional people say it’s more beautiful to wait until the wedding day for the first kiss. I don’t necessarily think it’s an absolute must, but it’s a dream I have. And, no, I don’t think I have any unhealthy ideas about sex. I’m not a prude if that’s what you’re thinking :confused:
 
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