Stressful shopping trip

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Stylus

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What is the right thing to do in this situation?

I made a new friend recently. She has a very charming and enthusiastic personality and we went to the mall.
Some of you may remember that I am very strict about dressing modestly. My new friend certainly is NOT. She tried on several dresses I would never wear and would come out and excitedly show me. Now, what was I supposed to do? I can’t show approval. I did not say ‘that looks good- get it!’ I would try to find ways of commenting without giving approval but I didn’t do too well. I would mention something about the color…
She bought several articles of clothing (none of which I approved of) and I’m afraid that I may be partly responsible when she will be immodest when wearing them. Was I supposed to tell her: “It’s a sin to wear something like that. Don’t buy it. Don’t buy it,”?? I don’t have that kind of courage. Plus I met her quite recently and she doesn’t even know I’m religious. I just hope I didn’t do anything wrong. :confused: :confused:
 
It sounds to me like you were trying to be diplomatic, which isn’t a bad thing. You can say something like, “Sure, that looks good on you but do you really want to give away everything for the guys to look at? If you hide some of your assets you’ll intrigue them more than if you show everything. And they will respect you, too.” In words you young gals use these days, that is. 😉
 
my stock reply when asked for an opinion on a shocking item of apparel is “the color is pretty, but the style does not really flatter you.” No need to add, your love handles are bagging out over those low-rider jeans, or your stretch marks are showing.
 
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puzzleannie:
my stock reply when asked for an opinion on a shocking item of apparel is “the color is pretty, but the style does not really flatter you.” No need to add, your love handles are bagging out over those low-rider jeans, or your stretch marks are showing.
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What if they don’t have love handles or stretch marks? What if they are “hot” and in great shape?

To say “that style does not really flatter you” would come across as petty jealousy.

I think it would be far better to make a comment as suggested by Della that brings attention to the fact that the article of clothing is very revealing and is that the message they wish to send?

We cannot control another’s thoughts or actions. If the person *wants *to dress provocatively there is not much we can do about it.

If this person is a friend (and you want to keep it that way) you just need to be a good example and try not to come across as holier-than-thou. When she sees that modest does not mean unattractive some of your values may rub off on her.

Malia
 
This is a tough one.

How about the diplomatic truth…that is nice, it flatters you (if it does) but it is not my taste. I would never wear it. Once you get to know the person better (this is a new friend, right?) you can share more deeply as to why you are not comfortable wearing immodest clothing.

does that make sense?

I know that I want people to like me - but I want them to like the AUTHENTIC me, the Leslie that is an obedient daughter of the Holy Mother Church, who loves dogs and her family, who is sober and loves Forty-niner football, who tears up at Christmas carols and thinks old horror movies are a lot of fun. I want them to know that I never miss Mass on Sunday, that I love the Rosary and that rainy nights are romantic, that I have a loud laugh and get disgusted with knee jerk political reactions from BOTH parties…

so how do I let a new person get to know me without dumping my rather over-the-top personality on them and scaring them away?

gradually, gently and little by little…just like I get to know them…bit by bit…

But it is still hard, and I think you are obviously a wise woman to even ASK this question…so there.
 
You tell them full on why you disagree. In your opinion that kind of clothing is immodest, and the reason for your train of thought is that you faithfully hold to the RCC. “Being liked” has never and will never be part of the parcel on this earth. If you deny Christ through your silence, he will not stand up for YOU on judgement day.

In Christ.

Andre.
 
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Magicsilence:
You tell them full on why you disagree. In your opinion that kind of clothing is immodest, and the reason for your train of thought is that you faithfully hold to the RCC. “Being liked” has never and will never be part of the parcel on this earth. If you deny Christ through your silence, he will not stand up for YOU on judgement day.

In Christ.

Andre.
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And no need to be preachy and holier-than-thou either. I think some of the other posters advice is very solid.
 
I would never say that something revealing is flattering. I never think it’s flattering to show off too much.

I think you can just tell it like it is. A simple, “I think it’s too revealing” is something I would feel comfortable saying. Maybe you wouldn’t with this friend.
 
How about this?

"Wow, that dress is really sexy on you! I hope it won’t inspire the guys to treat you like a sex object…’’

… and take the conversation from there. Check out the Pure Love Club for some good articles on modesty. pureloveclub.com/

It may lead to her asking you why she should save herself for marriage, so prepare yourself!. There’s more good stuff on that at the Pure Love Club; and if you want some intensive reading on the subject, read Chris West’s The Good News About Sex and Marriage. You can get it here - go to the top right of the page & click on “shop.”

You’re right to think that saying, “Cuz God says so,” or “That’s what my church teaches” could get you labeled a prude. So know why the Church teaches what she does. Then when she asks you where you get your wisdom, Then you can say, “At Church!”
And pray for her. I’m always amazed at how praying for someone helps me be more charitable, more courageous, and helps me find words!
 
This reminds me of my good college friend. She and I didn’t see eye-to-eye on matters of wardrobe, but when she would ask, I would tell her that maybe the color was nice, but I couldn’t wear anything so revealing, or be comfortable with so much of me hanging out. We pretty much agreed to disagree about that kind of thing, since she wasn’t religious, but the most effective way I found to deal with it was to have evenings where we would make clothes for her. I love to sew! We would go to the store and pick material, take it back to my place, and sew up a storm. The product was usually a nicer skirt. Just what worked for me!
 
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