Struggling in spirit

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andersr915

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So, its been a few months now that I’ve been trying to take my faith seriously, which I feel has mostly worked out because I feel God has definitely taken the utmost precedence over all else in my life. The thing is though, I remember when I first started, I legitimately felt a Holy presence with me as I walked throughout the day, as if Jesus were there walking next to me in spirit all the time. I know He is with all of us whom invite him into our lives, but for the past month or two, ive been longing to feel that presence because its kind of faded. I pray a rosary and a divine mercy chaplet daily, aswell as morning and evening prayers, and even grace before and after meals. I have taken fasting and abstinence (both of my past ways and common evils in the world) very seriously and continue to, read sacred scripture as often as I can, and try to always take note of God’s presence in my daily life, but I still feel so faithless, like there’s a part of me that doesn’t believe like I did before. It seems contrary to my mindset, because right now, I just wish to have the love for God strong enough to literally take my cross and endure until death if the time ever came. I guess I can say I would, but I feel like Im just fooling myself because I don’t feel that same consuming fire in my heart like I did not so long ago. I know spiritual dryness is a legitimate spiritual condition, one sometimes of love for God, but does anyone have any tips or suggestions on my practices or anything new I can try?

Also, just a side note, is saying “God Bless” as a greeting/farewell considered blasphemy? Thanks!
 
The Doctors of the Church on prayer remind us that God allows us to have great feelings when He wants to get our attention and lead us deeper into Himself.

When those feelings are withdrawn it doesn’t mean He is ignoring us…He is testing us. We have to keep on with all the prayers, spiritual reading, attention at Mass, etc. whether we have good feelings or not. That is how we grow spiritually!

We need to be patient, because our God knows when to let up and give us the aid we need to continue on our spiritual journey. He never abandons us. He wants us to grow and receive more grace.

Our resolute will is needed…consolations and deep feelings experiencing God’s love comes and goes.

God bless you on your journey with Him!
 
Hail Mary,
Full of Grace,
The Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou among women,
and blessed is the fruit
of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary,
Mother of God,
pray for us sinners now,
and at the hour of our death.

Amen.

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You have to come to terms with the fact that you have nothing acceptable to offer God on your own. Frankly, I think that you need to stop trying to merit your way to God. You have to take refuge in Christ for all things. His sacrifice is the only valid thing you can present to the Father.

Stop trying to pray enough, to believe enough, to confess enough, etc. This kind of spiritual treadmill is not Biblical. Yes, we have to work out our salvation with fear and trembling, but we are not saved because of how many good deeds we do. The fruit we produce is an indication of whether we’ve truly been saved or not.

What I do when I experience spiritual dryness is go to a local cemetery. Look at the dates that these people died. Some of them were younger than you when they died. Be grateful for the life you’ve been given.
 
My guess is to keep at it regardless of dryness, keep moving forward in spite of doubt and feelings of darkness. Meditate on scripture one verse at a time that affirms HIS love for you. Read HIS WORD. Talk to yourself kindly and remind yourself that GOD is a loving FATHER. Let that soak in your being. It may take a while. Be kind to yourself and be patient.

Be aware of your thoughts, capture them, even ones you aren’t aware of, memorize scripture and quote verses in these times of doubt and darkness. Spiritual battle. Pray over your subconscious beliefs and thoughts.

Charity. Pray for others and do good to others. Works of charity, filling someone’s cup every day. Look for a need however small and seek to fill it. Spiritual reading of classics. Devotions. My biggest struggle is the subconscious belief that GOD does not love and care about me. Look back and recount on those times that HE has shown you.
I could be spreading error by recommending a Protestant Christian Psychologist such as Mark de Jesus but I enjoy watching him on Youtube. It helps us to heal our roots and heart issues. GOD also meets us where we are at. I think I am having similar experiences to you. I also watched today US GRACE FORCE on Youtube. Also check out Father Mike from University of Minnesota, Sunday Masses on line Ascension Press.
 
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It also sounds that you may be struggling with perfectionism or being scrupulous. Sometimes I struggle with these kinds of things and then realize
GOD has shown love during times of my failures, sins
 
It’s normal, it happens to everyone, we would be worried if it didn’t happen to you 😉

Try meditating, talking to God, about the Gospel, about the readings of the Holy Mass, about your life, about the life of your loved ones.
 
When coming back to the faith that’s when feelings in my experience seem to be strongest. Maybe it’s because we respond with a purity and a fire with less restraint.

What puzzles me as I look back were the sins, not necessarily the active ones, but the wounds and diseases that were in my heart and still are today at that time. Gradually I have been experiencing HIS healing and proof of HIS LOVE over the years. I had also been going to the Sacrament of Reconciliation.

Over the years those feelings have faded, they faded noticeably when I was engaged in mortal sin. It’s unthinkable but it happened. But I never really thought too deeply about my psychology. There was a lot of presumption and patterns of thinking. Christian psychology, finding a good spiritual director and AA 12 steps can help. Falling into serious sin can catch you off guard. Sometimes, I think it’s a warning too to be careful in advance. Those are just my guesses.

A month ago as I was staying in a room I felt a tangible darkness around me and in my heart. A lot of it may have been from what I was watching, mysteries that were pure evil. The darkness was so real that I noticed real discouragement from watching HOLY MASS or reading the Bible. But I still tried. One night the hopelessness was so real about my life and I had fell into a depressed state. Nothing in me wanted to touch a Bible. But I still plugged on. I meditated and quoted the verse to myself 1 Peter 5:7 even though all I could feel was darkness and hopeless. I kept repeating it and all of a sudden it felt like the darkness was lifting. No I had no amazing apparition but it was enough for me to see that HE CARES.

I have been a Catholic since 2003 and this has been the first time I have experienced this. So when people gave me advice to read the WORD of GOD I would read and never meditate on it too long. Reading the daily Mass readings would give me enough lift to get me through the day if I couldn’t make it to HOLY MASS. When I came back to my faith in 2003 I was going to Old Dominion and the CCM minister told me about Lectio Divina. So that is probably what I was doing that night as I meditated on the verse in James.

Then after this, I was coming across literature and videos that told me about the importance of memorizing scripture. I still need to do that.

I have prayed and felt consolation throughout the years. HOLY MASS, the rosary and DIVINE MERCY also helps dispel darkness and the prayer of others are very important. Get to know some people in church and they pray for you sometimes without you knowing it. It seems in my case the prayers of others sometimes are more powerful than my own for myself.

Hope this helps
 
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Oops sorry the Bible verse I was referring to is in
1 Peter 5:7 not in James
 
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