Struggling. selfish. need prayers. :(

[AngelEyes4Jesus]

I dunno what the heck is wrong with me. I am so blessed to have 5 beautiful healthy little children.

Twins run in my family and in fact, my mom had a set her self. About a month ago I started an interanl struggle within myself. My career is doing well, school is going great and I had lost almost all the bbay weight gained from the previous 5 babies. I settled into our routine nicely and thought maybe justmaybe our family was complete at 5.
Then 3 weeks ago I felt that ache and long to hold a new born again, and along with that came my desire to birth my own set of twins again. I know this must sound rediculous…I am having a hard time expressing myslef but know that this is a desire I have had sense childhood and had prayed for as a little girl…
so 2 weeks I feel this awakened desire again, and then find out a friend of the family is expecting…twins. THE next day I go to work and find out a co workers son is expecting… twins. I have a night of balling my eyes out into DH arms and cry out to God asking/begging to know why after we have tried so hard to obey His wishes and His will have I not seen myslef blessed with twins??! I even asked if I was doing something wrong because I feel like He is angry with me and that is why He gave my mom (a very selfish and neglectful mother) twins, but not me–a mom who relishes in my duty and homeschooling my little troop. DH and I made love that night as his way of conforting me in my time of sadness. :hug3:
Last Friday I found out I am pregnant again! :extrahappy: We are just over the moon about it! I am sched for an U/S on Jan 9th and find myslef crying at the idea that I am sure I will find that I am only carrying one bbay again. I KNOW this is wrong thinking! I am so happy and over joyed w this new precious baby! why am I so upset over the idea of not having twins?! Its like this nagging longing aching I feel and now that my 2 friends ARE having twins, I feel like I cant get away from it and its provoking these awful jealous feelings.
I find myslef crying and worrying sick that God will take away the baby inside me for being ungreatful over it. I am being tortured by this struggle right now. I really need some prayers.

 

[LEMAITRE]

First of all a huge *** congratulations to you and your family ***. A child is a blessing.

Have you heard about the ‘circle of influence’? Basically it means concentrate on things you can control and have influence over and ignore what you cannot control. Don’t waste your emotional, mental or physical energy on things you cannot influence or alter.

You cannot control whether you have twins or not, that is solely God’s domain.

You can control your feelings of jealousy regarding your friends who are having twins.

Think about the people who cannot have children for one reason or another but desperately want them.

You are blessed.

 

[pollylodges]

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.

Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb Jesus.

Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.

Amen.

†

Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name.

Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread.

And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.

And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.

Amen.

†

 

[domandcarols]

I dunno what the heck is wrong with me. I am so blessed to have 5 beautiful healthy little children.

Twins run in my family and in fact, my mom had a set her self. About a month ago I started an interanl struggle within myself. My career is doing well, school is going great and I had lost almost all the bbay weight gained from the previous 5 babies. I settled into our routine nicely and thought maybe justmaybe our family was complete at 5.
Then 3 weeks ago I felt that ache and long to hold a new born again, and along with that came my desire to birth my own set of twins again. I know this must sound rediculous…I am having a hard time expressing myslef but know that this is a desire I have had sense childhood and had prayed for as a little girl…
so 2 weeks I feel this awakened desire again, and then find out a friend of the family is expecting…twins. THE next day I go to work and find out a co workers son is expecting… twins. I have a night of balling my eyes out into DH arms and cry out to God asking/begging to know why after we have tried so hard to obey His wishes and His will have I not seen myslef blessed with twins??! I even asked if I was doing something wrong because I feel like He is angry with me and that is why He gave my mom (a very selfish and neglectful mother) twins, but not me–a mom who relishes in my duty and homeschooling my little troop. DH and I made love that night as his way of conforting me in my time of sadness. :hug3:
Last Friday I found out I am pregnant again! :extrahappy: We are just over the moon about it! I am sched for an U/S on Jan 9th and find myslef crying at the idea that I am sure I will find that I am only carrying one bbay again. I KNOW this is wrong thinking! I am so happy and over joyed w this new precious baby! why am I so upset over the idea of not having twins?! Its like this nagging longing aching I feel and now that my 2 friends ARE having twins, I feel like I cant get away from it and its provoking these awful jealous feelings.
I find myslef crying and worrying sick that God will take away the baby inside me for being ungreatful over it. I am being tortured by this struggle right now. I really need some prayers.

I will be praying for you and your family, God bless you!

 

[LSK]

Golly maybe you are just experiencing some strange emotional swings due to the hormones and you should stop being mad at yourself? and here is a BIG HUG from a cyber sister…{{{{angeleyes4jesus}}}}