C
cabwaldo
Guest
I’m having trouble with making God the center of my life and the focus of my emotion. I feel lonely because I’ve never truly had a long term emotional connection in a relationship. I’m not talking about anything physical, just emotions here. I know pretty much every other Catholic guy in his early 20s knows what this feels like so I don’t think I’m special.
Note: I’m not a convert because I was born Catholic but wasn’t raised in the faith passed 2nd grade. About a year ago I came back to it on my own thanks to a few friends. I’m also doing everything I can to force my impurity and lust filled thoughts out of my life. I’ve bought myself a rosary, I’m working on going to confession so I can pray a novena to a Saint to help me figure things out and I think my next purchase will be Theology of The Body. I’ve recently been getting my self to read a bible verse and sometimes an our father every single night before bed, even if it’s 1 in the morning and I have an 8 am class. I’ve also come to realize that saying “Hail Mary full of grace, the lord is with thee” over and over and can help with temptation. Praying for the woman who I might look at lustfully helps.
What I’m getting at is that as much as I would love to be in a relationship, I know that:
a. I need to discern whether or not I should be married. I guess you could say I’m already doing that…I don’t know.
b. Someday I will be married (lord willing, and provided I discern that I am supposed to be married) to a woman. That woman is currently a living and breathing person as I write this. She deserves the better version of myself that has overcome as much of my problems as God thinks I need to in order to be worthy of her.
c. Keeping myself convinced of this and… ultimately knowing that this means being lonely still is very hard.
Which comes back to being closer to God to not feel lonely and let him make all these decisions for me. But typing these things out is much much much easier than actually believing them and being totally 100% convicted 100% of the time that God is the source of all happiness.
I’m not really sure what my question is but I hope this made sense and didn’t sound like I was rambling. Thank you.
Note: I’m not a convert because I was born Catholic but wasn’t raised in the faith passed 2nd grade. About a year ago I came back to it on my own thanks to a few friends. I’m also doing everything I can to force my impurity and lust filled thoughts out of my life. I’ve bought myself a rosary, I’m working on going to confession so I can pray a novena to a Saint to help me figure things out and I think my next purchase will be Theology of The Body. I’ve recently been getting my self to read a bible verse and sometimes an our father every single night before bed, even if it’s 1 in the morning and I have an 8 am class. I’ve also come to realize that saying “Hail Mary full of grace, the lord is with thee” over and over and can help with temptation. Praying for the woman who I might look at lustfully helps.
What I’m getting at is that as much as I would love to be in a relationship, I know that:
a. I need to discern whether or not I should be married. I guess you could say I’m already doing that…I don’t know.
b. Someday I will be married (lord willing, and provided I discern that I am supposed to be married) to a woman. That woman is currently a living and breathing person as I write this. She deserves the better version of myself that has overcome as much of my problems as God thinks I need to in order to be worthy of her.
c. Keeping myself convinced of this and… ultimately knowing that this means being lonely still is very hard.
Which comes back to being closer to God to not feel lonely and let him make all these decisions for me. But typing these things out is much much much easier than actually believing them and being totally 100% convicted 100% of the time that God is the source of all happiness.
I’m not really sure what my question is but I hope this made sense and didn’t sound like I was rambling. Thank you.
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