Struggling W Vasectomy Reversal:

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AnnieHill

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I was raised strict Catholic (home schooled, visiting priests stayed with us, brothers went to seminary to ascertain if they had a calling-- the whole nine yards).

Anyways…fast foward into my 20s and lots of things began to go haywire in my life and my family’s. I never stopped believing in my faith or God but I stopped attending Mass. I married outside of the church (the day of our wedding I was already planning for a divorce but that’s a whole different story). Needless to say my husband and I had lots of problems early on. We had two babies fast and at times we were holding on by a thread.

Now my husband is active in RCIA (he’s never even been baptized), we are attending marriage courses to obtain the sacrement of marriage and…we are happier now than ever because we brought Christ into our lives and home and sought forgiveness and redemption.

One thing I failed to mention is three months after the birth of our daughter my husband got a vasectomy. I should have stopped him-- even had the opportunity to as the doctor was pulled away at the last minute for a hospital emergency (not kidding-- God was REALLY trying to stop us)…but I didn’t intervene and say no. After years of pleading and crying with him over this decision, he finally said to my last weekend…I will get it reversed. However, I am struggling with his decision. I feel guilty and responsible for everything. We don’t want more children but we don’t want to slam the door on God’s plan so he’s willing to try NFP. All my prayers are being answered but I am struggling with his recent change of heart? Can someone help guide me? I know we are technically forgiven but isn’t the teaching to reverse if financially we can afford to do so (which we can)? Is this the right answer or is it time for us to just move on if we don’t plan on more children anyway? We don’t. I know God may have other plans.
 
As far as I’m aware, your husband does not need to reverse the vasectomy - as long as he has Confessed it, there is no obligation to do so.

Before he does anything, however, you should keep discussing it together, and maybe speak to a Priest for clarification.

Lou
 
I don’t pretend to have an answer for you. You can see based upon my active thread on large families that I have many questions of my own. However, what I will say is that reading through your post gives the impression that the Holy Spirit is really working in your lives and marriage. That is wonderful and I pray that you see the fruit of that and experience real peace on the matter soon. Please pray for me too in my own discernment about family planning. God bless you!
 
This is one of those sticky areas and you will find 10 different people here giving you 100 different opinions. I can only relate my own story.

My wife and I had our first two children before I turned 25. Neither of us were Catholic at the time and “did the responsible thing” and I was sterilized. About 5 years later my wife started RCIA and began asking me to consider a reversal. I drug my feet giving her all sorts of reasons it was stupid and irresponsible. Over the next 3 years it would come up and I flatly said “NO”. It wasn’t until my own rapid fire conversion that I actually considered it. I was sitting in Adoration while in the early part of RCIA and while praying I saw all my sins come rushing at me. Year after year of selfish actions and how I hurt others and by extension how I hurt God. I left in a daze with only one thought, “I have to repent and set to right my wrongs”. My wife had given me the names of a couple doctors that did reversal over the years so I started researching that and what the Church requires. I also talked to a priest and he told me that while it is not required, that it would be a meritorious act to do so. It had been almost 9 years by the time I had my reversal done. Because of that the doctor said we had less than a 50% chance to have anymore children. My intention was not to have more children but to right the damage I had caused. Despite his predictions we have gone on to have 5 more children.

Talk to your pastor, but also pray about what you (and your husband) need to do to heal your relationship with God. I never intended to have 7 children, but I found once I said “God, lead me and I shall follow” that I became much more open to what he asked of me. Don’t let the fear of what might be stand in the way of what God is calling you to do.
 
There is nothing in church teaching that requires you to reverse the vasectomy. If you feel called to do so, it is a generous thing to do.

I suggest you reach out to the organization One More Soul, www.omsoul.com. They have experience with vasectomy and tubal ligation reversal and even have a book written by couples who went through reversals. Perhaps their testimony can help you with your fears and concerns.
 
One thing I left aside in my story above is that the doctor who performed my reversal had himself had a reversal but never did have anymore kids. The men I personally know have never had more than 1 or 2 kids after a reversal and many have had none. I just wanted to mention that because most men that have reversals do not go one to have as many children as I have.

Really it’s less about what you get as it is an act of repentance.
 
I’d also want to know what the possible medical risks of a reversal are. Are there any nasty side effects you should know about?
 
Usige said:
This is one of those sticky areas and you will find 10 different people here giving you 100 different opinions. I can only relate my own story.

My wife and I had our first two children before I turned 25. Neither of us were Catholic at the time and “did the responsible thing” and I was sterilized. About 5 years later my wife started RCIA and began asking me to consider a reversal. I drug my feet giving her all sorts of reasons it was stupid and irresponsible. Over the next 3 years it would come up and I flatly said “NO”. It wasn’t until my own rapid fire conversion that I actually considered it. I was sitting in Adoration while in the early part of RCIA and while praying I saw all my sins come rushing at me. Year after year of selfish actions and how I hurt others and by extension how I hurt God. I left in a daze with only one thought, “I have to repent and set to right my wrongs”. My wife had given me the names of a couple doctors that did reversal over the years so I started researching that and what the Church requires. I also talked to a priest and he told me that while it is not required, that it would be a meritorious act to do so. It had been almost 9 years by the time I had my reversal done. Because of that the doctor said we had less than a 50% chance to have anymore children. My intention was not to have more children but to right the damage I had caused. Despite his predictions we have gone on to have 5 more children.

Talk to your pastor, but also pray about what you (and your husband) need to do to heal your relationship with God. I never intended to have 7 children, but I found once I said “God, lead me and I shall follow” that I became much more open to what he asked of me. Don’t let the fear of what might be stand in the way of what God is calling you to do.
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Great story! My goodness, God had/has big plans for you.

God bless you and your family. 🙂
 
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