Struggling with Faith - Please Help

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cjsm93

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Hi everyone. I am new to these forums, so I hope I am posting under the right category.

For the last few years, I have struggled tremendously with my faith. My family has been struck with an inordinate amount of hardship. Both of my parents have been in and out of hospitals for years; my mother has had cancer twice (the first was breast cancer, and the second was angiosarcoma as a result of too much radiation during her first bout of cancer). My father has also had many ailments. I am 26 and am their sole caretaker.

Now please do not get me wrong…I love my parents more than anything and I would do everything in my power to keep them happy and healthy. But lately, I have been feeling like I am burning out. This all started coming to a head fairly recently. Last month, my father fell and broke his hip, which required a partial hip replacement. The surgery was a success and it was wonderful to finally see him pain free and independent again. However, this last Thursday, he had an accident and fell down the basement stairs, yet again sustaining another very severe fracture, this time to his arm.

Moreover, my mother has been showing signs of dementia. It is frightening to watch her memory decline so rapidly. She has forgotten how to do simple tasks, and sometimes she doesn’t seem to know where she is. I have her set up to see a neurologist this Monday, and I am scared about what the outcome will be.

I am so tired. I have no other family members who can help and I feel so alone. I would never abandon my parents, and I will continue to do the best I can. But lately, I feel so lost. There are times I wish I wasn’t alive anymore. I have had to put college and my career on hold for so many years, and I am also concerned that I will not be able to establish a future for myself. I feel so selfish to even be thinking like this, but I do not know what else to do. I have struggled with my faith for years. Some days I am so angry at God, and other days I feel like God hates me and my family. But I also remember how much comfort my faith used to bring me. I wish I could get that back.

Does anyone have any advice? Prayers would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
 
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You need professional help. Contact your county aging and disability services to find out what services your parents may qualify for.

Also, you do not have to care take in your home. It sounds like they need professional care in assisted living at this point.

It is not a failure to get help from others, nor to help your parents transition to assisted living.

Also, at a minimum you need respite care. You cannot continue on as you are. You need some mental health counseling, this has take a toll on you.
 
Yes, if your Mom has forgotten how to do simple tasks, there may be a change in living situation coming up.
When you are at the neurologist, talk to them and see if they have any resources for you, the caretaker, and ask about the likely progress / cause of the dementia.
Don’t feel guilty, it sounds like you have been acting heroically for years. I’m sure you are a wonderful caring person and God has beautiful things planned for you!
Although your Dad has a severe arm fracture, can he help with the caretaking / decision making for your mom? Are you in the US, or somewhere where you have state-provided healthcare? You don’t mention drowning in medical debt, so I hope you are not.
 
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Thank you for your kind response. I am thinking about seeing if I could get at least some in home assistance a few days per week…insurance might cover some of that, but I will have to see. I worry about assisted living, because many of those facilities have deplorable living conditions for the elderly. My nana (who passed away earlier this year) had been living in one that was supposedly one of the better facilities. But it was a nightmare for her. The nurses were neglectful, rooms were not clean, etc.

I will definitely make a call next week, though. I’ll see if there’s any help I can get at home. It’s a good start. Thank you again!
 
Thank you for your kind words. As of right now, my dad is unable to assist me with caring for my mom. He’s very off balance and his arm is in an immobilizer. While he has greatly improved after his hip replacement, the added complication of having lost the use of his arm has made him unsteady on his feet. So for now, he just needs to rest.

We do live in the US. I am going to see if I can get some assistance in home a few times per week. I just worry about finding the right person to help out. I’ve heard horror stories about abuse, and that is concerning.
 
I worry about assisted living, because many of those facilities have deplorable living conditions for the elderly.
A great resource to find out what happens inside the facility is to call up your parish. Ask if you can speak to the EMHC, deacon or priest who takes communion to that facility.
 
My prayers for you and your parents at Easter! Please reach out locally to resources. I’m sure God doesn’t want you (or anyone) to deal with this all on your own.
Maybe you can update us after the appointment Monday?
 
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