C
cjsm93
Guest
Hi everyone. I am new to these forums, so I hope I am posting under the right category.
For the last few years, I have struggled tremendously with my faith. My family has been struck with an inordinate amount of hardship. Both of my parents have been in and out of hospitals for years; my mother has had cancer twice (the first was breast cancer, and the second was angiosarcoma as a result of too much radiation during her first bout of cancer). My father has also had many ailments. I am 26 and am their sole caretaker.
Now please do not get me wrong…I love my parents more than anything and I would do everything in my power to keep them happy and healthy. But lately, I have been feeling like I am burning out. This all started coming to a head fairly recently. Last month, my father fell and broke his hip, which required a partial hip replacement. The surgery was a success and it was wonderful to finally see him pain free and independent again. However, this last Thursday, he had an accident and fell down the basement stairs, yet again sustaining another very severe fracture, this time to his arm.
Moreover, my mother has been showing signs of dementia. It is frightening to watch her memory decline so rapidly. She has forgotten how to do simple tasks, and sometimes she doesn’t seem to know where she is. I have her set up to see a neurologist this Monday, and I am scared about what the outcome will be.
I am so tired. I have no other family members who can help and I feel so alone. I would never abandon my parents, and I will continue to do the best I can. But lately, I feel so lost. There are times I wish I wasn’t alive anymore. I have had to put college and my career on hold for so many years, and I am also concerned that I will not be able to establish a future for myself. I feel so selfish to even be thinking like this, but I do not know what else to do. I have struggled with my faith for years. Some days I am so angry at God, and other days I feel like God hates me and my family. But I also remember how much comfort my faith used to bring me. I wish I could get that back.
Does anyone have any advice? Prayers would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
For the last few years, I have struggled tremendously with my faith. My family has been struck with an inordinate amount of hardship. Both of my parents have been in and out of hospitals for years; my mother has had cancer twice (the first was breast cancer, and the second was angiosarcoma as a result of too much radiation during her first bout of cancer). My father has also had many ailments. I am 26 and am their sole caretaker.
Now please do not get me wrong…I love my parents more than anything and I would do everything in my power to keep them happy and healthy. But lately, I have been feeling like I am burning out. This all started coming to a head fairly recently. Last month, my father fell and broke his hip, which required a partial hip replacement. The surgery was a success and it was wonderful to finally see him pain free and independent again. However, this last Thursday, he had an accident and fell down the basement stairs, yet again sustaining another very severe fracture, this time to his arm.
Moreover, my mother has been showing signs of dementia. It is frightening to watch her memory decline so rapidly. She has forgotten how to do simple tasks, and sometimes she doesn’t seem to know where she is. I have her set up to see a neurologist this Monday, and I am scared about what the outcome will be.
I am so tired. I have no other family members who can help and I feel so alone. I would never abandon my parents, and I will continue to do the best I can. But lately, I feel so lost. There are times I wish I wasn’t alive anymore. I have had to put college and my career on hold for so many years, and I am also concerned that I will not be able to establish a future for myself. I feel so selfish to even be thinking like this, but I do not know what else to do. I have struggled with my faith for years. Some days I am so angry at God, and other days I feel like God hates me and my family. But I also remember how much comfort my faith used to bring me. I wish I could get that back.
Does anyone have any advice? Prayers would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
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