Struggling With Infertility

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TotusTuusForever

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My most recent post made me realize that I should make a separate post about Infertility since I was getting a bit off topic there.

Even before I was married I had a gut feeling it would be hard for me to get pregnant, but I kept hope. And, after 14 months of trying, I’m not allowing myself to become depressed about it. When ever I get a sinking feeling that I might not have a child, I push it away and trust in God and his ability to work miracles according to his will. It is especially hard to deal with when I see my friends having babies right after they get married and I start to wonder what is wrong with me. I’m really scared that I will have to resort to fertility treatments to get pregnant. I think my infertility is related to my celiac disease. Even though I am off of gluten I still receive our Lord in the Blessed Sacrament at mass. I’m scared I will have to give up communion in order to get pregnant. (And I know about low gluten hosts, but they still have gluten, so I don’t see much difference, in my opinion). How many of you struggle with this cross and how do you deal with it? Are there any practical things I can do that I might not have thought of? Thank you! 😟
 
TotusTuusForever said:
My most recent post made me realize that I should make a separate post about Infertility since I was getting a bit off topic there.

Even before I was married I had a gut feeling it would be hard for me to get pregnant, but I kept hope. And, after 14 months of trying, I’m not allowing myself to become depressed about it. When ever I get a sinking feeling that I might not have a child, I push it away and trust in God and his ability to work miracles according to his will. It is especially hard to deal with when I see my friends having babies right after they get married and I start to wonder what is wrong with me. I’m really scared that I will have to resort to fertility treatments to get pregnant. I think my infertility is related to my celiac disease. Even though I am off of gluten I still receive our Lord in the Blessed Sacrament at mass. I’m scared I will have to give up communion in order to get pregnant. (And I know about low gluten hosts, but they still have gluten, so I don’t see much difference, in my opinion). How many of you struggle with this cross and how do you deal with it? Are there any practical things I can do that I might not have thought of? Thank you! 😟
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You don’t have to answer these here, but you should know these:

-It is permissible to only receive the Blood of Christ. Even if it is not offered due to flu concerns, your parish priest should work with you to ensure you can receive

-have you done any licit testing yet? There are many issues that can be fixed in the woman’s body that is completely within church teaching. Extensive ultrasound to map the uterus, checking for fibroids or endometriosis, and even procedures that “clear” the fallopian tubes. (although you may have to practice NFP some of these months as that could hurt a conceived fetus.)

-Have you used any NFP methods to track ovulation? Are you sure you are ovulating? There’s symto-thermal, using ovulation strips, and even more advanced ways. And even if you’re having sex frequently, because of the very short window a woman is fertile with predictable periods you may have literally had no chance to conceive if you do not have any real idea of when you ovulate in your cycle. I love the website Fertility Friend because you can plug all this data in and it tracks and charts it for you.

If you’re under 35, you’re actually just barely entering the period where a fertility doctor will look at you.

You may have an NFP doctor closer than you think. I know there is an institute in Nebraska that handles infertility in a Catholic way. Perhaps someone can share it. You can call them for a more local doctor.
 
I agree with Xanthippe Voorhees that tracking ovulation with NFP is a good idea. You’ll have a much better idea what’s going on if you start charting.

A lot of people like the secular book Taking Charge of Your Fertility.

Good luck!
 
I was using NFP for a while until I felt like it just wasn’t working. I know I’m ovulation every month. But, I just don’t understand why I am not getting pregnant.
 
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I’m sorry you are going through this. Have you read Taking Charge of Your Fertility as @Xantippe mentioned? Timing the marital act before ovulation is crucial to achieving pregnancy. If you already know that, please don’t take offense, I’m pointing it out because I have friends who thought that the marital act should come just as or after ovulation.

Do you also chart your cycles?
 
Oh no offense taken! And yes, I did try that, but the weirdest thing happens to me. Sometimes, it looks like I have ovulated more than once, which I know is not possible. So, I am really confused about this. Maybe I should just finally take a leap of faith and see the doctor. Its scary though. I don’t want to be told I will never conceive.
I both chart my cycles and use OPKs.
 
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You can’t really use NFP for “a while” it takes nearly a year to get really good data. For me, I started charting about 6 months previous to my marriage and well into my marriage before I really knew my cycle well and could pin down my ovulation–and that was with a perfect 28 day cycle.

Which form of NFP are you using? Have you taken a class? It sounds like you may be frustrated because things are not happening but are not using your tools properly.
 
TotusTuusForever said:
Oh no offense taken! And yes, I did try that, but the weirdest thing happens to me. Sometimes, it looks like I have ovulated more than once, which I know is not possible. So, I am really confused about this. Maybe I should just finally take a leap of faith and see the doctor. Its scary though. I don’t want to be told I will never conceive.
I both chart my cycles and use OPKs.
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Wait, who told you that you can’t ovulate more than once? It’s VERY possible! NFP actually reveals this and can show hormonal issues when show to the right doctors.

If you’re ovulating, unless your tubes are blocked and are not cleared by a hysterosalpingography it’s unlikely they will find a perfect reason why you can’t conceive. There are many things you can do to fix things. By ovulating twice it may be that you have a too short luteal phase…which is vital to having an egg implant. Having a detailed ultrasound can ensure that your cervix is “competent” and that you have sufficient uterine lining. It can also show if you have a uterine defect like a bicornate uterus (which may make it harder, but not impossible to conceive). Speaking of lining, it may also show fibroids or indicate endometriosis (which can’t be diagnosed from an ultrasound but will give probability). All of these things can be fixed (granted, they may be a bit painful…😥

What would be good is having a good NFP teacher to help you look over charts and p(name removed by moderator)oint issues. If you have temps that may give information on having too much or too little of one hormone or another.

And as a reminder…while it feels like a long time, at 14 months in you’re just barely outside of what’s considered normal. Take a deep breath and be at peace.
 
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It took 2 years to become pregnant with our first and our 2nd took another five years.

I am much more… relaxed about these things. I understand others want more of a plan; but, I think there is also a lot to be said about just relaxing and enjoying what you do have without stressing about the next step.

Now, with our second we had picked a date to see a doctor if I didn’t become pregnant but that was because DH is 9 years my senior and didn’t want to be retirement age before our kids were out of college 😉

So, my suggestion is to pick a date to see a doctor and then just relax until you get there.
 
JetteZ said:
It took 2 years to become pregnant with our first and our 2nd took another five years.

I am much more… relaxed about these things. I understand others want more of a plan; but, I think there is also a lot to be said about just relaxing and enjoying what you do have without stressing about the next step.

Now, with our second we had picked a date to see a doctor if I didn’t become pregnant but that was because DH is 9 years my senior and didn’t want to be retirement age before our kids were out of college 😉

So, my suggestion is to pick a date to see a doctor and then just relax until you get there.
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I think you meant to reply to @TotusTuusForever and not myself.

I agree with this. God’s timing is perfect. There is a reason I am knowledgeable in what I am telling you. I was very torn about having to seek fertility help and navigating an unfriendly to church teaching fertility doctor when I became pregnant with my first. To this day, the doctor still calls my initial infertility “unexplained”.

Today I am firmly in the belief that the time before children allowed my husband and I to grow closer and allowed me to have the finances to stay at home when it was discovered my child couldn’t attend a normal daycare because of a medical condition. God knew what He was doing despite my tears.
 
Oops! From my phone’s view I thought i was just replying in the thread not to someone specific.

…I hope I haven’t done that often! 😶
 
I understand completely how difficult and heartbreaking this can be.

It might be time to seek some medical advice and a few investigations.

CAF rules do not allow us to give out medical advice.
 
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