Struggling with masturbation - what to do?

[Kima]

Good evening,

I´m currently struggling a lot with the sin of masturbation. Fyi I´m an 18 year old girl. I was set free from the sin for about two years, until I fell back into it in February this year and I´ve been falling occasionally ever since. . . . I simply don´t want to lose my salvation. Also, I´ve noticed that whenever I do fall and give in to the sin, I get bound by it and it gets a tighter and tighter hold on me by each time and it gets addicting and I find myself unwilling to stop.

It´s been about a week since last time I fell and went to confession, and today, I found myself very tempted to give in, but I persevered, thanks to our Lord. I´m certain He helped me out as I was very very close to giving in but ended up deciding to walk out of the situation. But how should I respond to times of temptations? Because sometimes temptations are so hard that I barely see how to resist. Especially in these days, where confession are harder to arrange than usual, I need to resist the sin.

So if anyone of you can help me out or give me a little advice, I´d love to hear from you.

Thanks in advance,

 

[StJosephPrayForUs]

The Litany of Chastity : Prayer for deliverance from impurity of heart pray this every morning and evenjng.

Fr. Isaac Mary's Remedies for Impurity - Catholic Family News do these things daily, especially calling Mary (say repeated Hail Marys when tempted).

You’ll achieve chastity, and perfect purity.

And one more thing: ask God for the gift of love for Him, and holy perseverance.

There is really nothing else. Chastity is a supernatural gift, prayer is the key to it. Make it a habit to say the prayers above, and you’ll be chaste.

 

[MeganCecilia]

Hi!! First, don’t be hard on yourself. This is a sin that many struggle with. I’m a 19 year old girl so I understand and sympathize. Hormones suck lol

It is still difficult for me some days but I have been praying the rosary daily. It helps so much against temptation! You could try that.

When you feel tempted, you can say a “Hail Mary.” You could try exercising as that can help. I’ve also heard people try cold showers :woman_shrugging:t3:

Is porn your issue? It wasn’t for me but if that’s what leads you to sin then you can try Covenant Eyes I’ve heard that helps.

Also you should see what triggers these feelings. Are they random or do they come about when your stressed? Maybe there’s something underlying causing it.

Do you live at home? If you do then when you are feeling this way, you could spend time with members in your home. If you’re around people, you’re not going to do anything of course haha.

I think what helps with me is when the temptation is strong I think, this temptation can’t hurt me. I don’t HAVE to act on it. It is just a temptation. If you happen to give in, make sure you do not despair. Pick yourself up and try again.

This is a tough battle but you will get through this. And imperfect contrition is just fine for confession.

 

[Kima]

Thank you @StJosephPrayForUs for helpful prayer suggestions! I´ll certainly look in to them!

Thank you for your time. Your advice was helpful, and I´m going to take it into consideration, especially with regards to how I consider the temptations. @MeganCecilia

Hormones suck lol

Yes!! Thank you!! I feel like I´m especially tempted around from the time of ovulation and when I get my period. It´s so annoying and frustrating. I get the natural reason to why it is that way, but it´s just so frustrating as I try to remain chaste.

It is still difficult for me some days but I have been praying the rosary daily. It helps so much against temptation! You could try that.

I currently have a hard time praying the rosary. I get very little spiritual benefits from it and to me it appears repetitive. I have found joy in praying it before, but I think that right now, it doesn´t fit very well with my spiritual life, especially as I´ve been struggling with prayer for a while.

Porn is not the issue for me neither. I´ve actually never been exposed to porn, and I´m thankful for that. I still have some triggers online that makes me more likely to fall, although, those have not been the reason for my recent temptations. I´m especially tempted when I´m alone in my room, so I do try to spend a lot of time with my family. But honestly, the issue is the urge to give in, it´s so strong and persistent. It´s like every temptation is a battle for itself… Sometimes this urge makes me think that this is all natural and healthy and that it´s just a part of how we´re made, but the way this sin binds me and makes me addicted reminds me of how destructive it really is.

I try to pray whenever I´m tempted, but in times where I still fall, I feel like I´m abusing prayer. I know that´s not the case, but I feel that way, and I´m not sure about what to do about it.

I suppose there is something underlying that is causing me to be so tempted to this sin. Perhaps it´s loneliness… Recently, and especially during the pandemic, I´ve felt separated from other people and I´ve found a deep longing to find someone to share my life with - and I´ve pondered this and it´s on my mind a lot…

 

[MNathaniel]

I currently have a hard time praying the rosary. I get very little spiritual benefits from it and to me it appears repetitive. I have found joy in praying it before, but I think that right now, it doesn´t fit very well with my spiritual life, especially as I´ve been struggling with prayer for a while.

May I suggest that the rosary could provide a practical benefit in this case? In my experience (also female, and I relate to your experience e.g. of hormones increasing temptation at those certain times of month), my ‘near occasion to sin’ was while lying in bed, mind idle, waiting to fall asleep.

And guess what helped me fall asleep…? You guessed it! Rosary. It’s not my typical preferred prayer either (I’m more of a spontaneous/listening prayer type, by disposition). But the repetition and fixed words of the rosary are exactly what I found helped me get through times of temptation while waiting to fall asleep. Like counting sheep, but with at least more orientation towards explicitly sacred thoughts.

Basically, if your issue comes about while you’re waiting to fall asleep, I’d earnestly urge you to give this a try. Hold the rosary and count out the beads with your hand. Focus your entire mind on praying each ‘Our Father’ and ‘Hail Mary’, all the way through. Make sure you’re saying each word of each prayer, even silently in your mind. You’ll probably be bored. Persevere. Force yourself to focus on it. You’ll probably find you’re saying each prayer slower and slower, as you drift to sleep. Keep focusing all your energy on saying these prayers though (and meditating on the relevant mysteries, if you have enough concentration for that). Eventually you’ll probably fall asleep before finishing, and wake up the next morning with the rosary lost somewhere in the sheets.

It genuinely works. My best practical tip. And I wouldn’t consider this ‘abusing’ prayer. It’s like being tucked into bed by our Mom while she tells us stories about Jesus’ life. Our Mom expects us to fall asleep at some point. And it’s definitely better than an alternative of acting sinfully.

 

[c4csp]

You are still very young and the habit has not turned into decades of addiction. That is good news. However, you definitely want to get it under control. Simple and best answer: pray the Rosary every day! You need to develop your spiritual and devotional life. I have struggled with that sin, as many have. We can refrain and all that, but it gets much easier to control it when we do so out of love for the Lord. The more you devote yourself to prayer, and submit your life to Christ, the less you want to engage in those sins. But remember, we all have crosses to carry when we follow the Lord. It is never going to be easy. There is going to be sacrifice but it is worth it.

Another thing is self-mortification. End your shower with cold water praying three hail Mary’s. Eat less than you want on a meal. Do little acts of sacrifice and it trains you to deny yourself. Then you will be stronger to deny yourself much stronger sexual temptations.

God bless

 

[MeganCecilia]

Yes!! Thank you!! I feel like I´m especially tempted around from the time of ovulation and when I get my period.

Yep!! I sympathize with you on that.

but I think that right now, it doesn´t fit very well with my spiritual life, especially as I´ve been struggling with prayer for a while.

I understand that. Something different for everyone. Maybe you’d like the Divine Mercy Chaplet? It’s only 6 minutes long.

Porn is not the issue for me neither.

Yay! Good that’ll make this easier because instead of 2 addictions it’s just one.

I´m especially tempted when I´m alone in my room, so I do try to spend a lot of time with my family.

Perfect. It is good to know your triggers.

I try to pray whenever I´m tempted, but in times where I still fall, I feel like I´m abusing prayer

No no no. This is the opposite of what you have to do. And that’s a temptation from the devil. He gets you to sin, and THEN he makes you think you’re not good enough to pray to God. FALSE!! God is waiting to forgive you and wants you to come to him. You need to pray to him especially when you fall. You will never abuse prayer.

Look up Father Mike Schmitz on YouTube. He is wonderful. Especially his videos on spiritual setbacks, healing from the wound of sin, and confessing the same sins over and over again. You can also watch the one on how to quit porn. Although it’s not your issue, it can relate.

Perhaps it´s loneliness…

Yes yes yes. Definitely a huge possibility. I will keep you in my prayers. You are going to overcome this.

It is a process!! When you fall, get back up. Eventually you will fall less and less. Don’t be discouraged and don’t feel bad about yourself. God appreciates how much you want to stop.

 

[Kima]

Thank you all! Thank you for your prayers and your time! It means a lot!

 

[MeganCecilia]

You’re very welcome. Message me if you need anything. Girls need to support girls!!! And my religious Instagram is @findingcatholicpeace maybe you would like it. I post all positive calming things

 

[Kima]

Thank you!! I definitely will do that!

 

[ColoradoCatholic]

Just my two cents, I had this same problem, I started praying the rosary every day and going to confession every week / two weeks until I broke free. Set a goal for yourself, (not a number of days, something like whenever you get those bad thoughts go outside, read a book (maybe bible), or go on a run) turn that temptation into something profitable.

The final thing that was really helpful for me was thinking about how unhappy you feel once its over. To me it just feels lonely, and I was disappointed in myself. I didn’t like that feeling, and I used that feeling to help myself.

 

[Kima]

Thank you! That was very helpful!

 

[RolandThompsonGunner]

I´m certain He helped me out as I was very very close to giving in but ended up deciding to walk out of the situation. But how should I respond to times of temptations?

There are a million threads on this, but I wanted to respond since you mentioned “walking out of the situation.” I think it’s smart to realize there are situations that can become near occasions of sin. If you’re trying to break a habit, look for a pattern. What situations lead you to be tempted? Try to identify them and avoid that situation.

Basically, try to nip the train of thought in the bud as early as possible.

 

[Chickadee]

I don’t have a ton of advice but I will say as a fellow female, I too struggled with that particular sin when I was your age, and for probably a few years afterwards. I used to beat myself up so hard over it. I’m now almost thirty and I will say the hormones get better with age! It’s a tough battle to fight and it will be worth it, and I just wanted to remind you that it will get easier as you get older

 

[Kima]

Thank you both! And thank you very much for your encouragement! It´s very good to know that there will be better times.

 

[Ender]

A number of years ago I read a book by Navy captain Jeremiah Denton called “When Hell Was in Session”. He was a prisoner in North Vietnam and recounts his experiences during the years of his captivity. The one observation that most impressed me was his recounting of the torture he and the other men endured and of their reaction to breaking under torture and violating the military Code of Conduct about revealing information to the enemy.

Every man broke at some point, and the only way they could live with themselves was to go through the torture each and every time they were questioned. They never took the position that failing once justified giving in without trying the next time. I found that to be not just impressive but inspiring.

 

[rosejmj]

I suppose there is something underlying that is causing me to be so tempted to this sin. Perhaps it´s loneliness… Recently, and especially during the pandemic, I´ve felt separated from other people and I´ve found a deep longing to find someone to share my life with - and I´ve pondered this and it´s on my mind a lot…

I think I’m some ways it’s a natural urge. Your body is made to be fertile from your teens and it’s normal to desire sex. Since you are not in a place in life to have sex atm you are seeking the pleasure and relief through masturbation, which seems pretty natural and normal. Loneliness can aggravate it at times too. It’s a tough spot to be in being young with those hormones and not being able to ever get relief. I have been in your place and it helped me not to worry so much about it(it just made me want it more) and just focus on other things. If you fall, well then you fall and it’s not the end of the world and there is nothing wrong with you for giving in. I know how hard it can be when we obsess over it and constantly beat ourselves up when we fall. Those desires are a normal part of being human which I think is helpful to remember so you don’t get too down on yourself

 

[goout]

Keep struggling.
Devotions and prayers are not potions that make temptation and sin go away.
Our call is to remain faithful through the struggle, especially when we fail.
In this process God wants us to build virtue, and virtue is developed by faithful practice that can be excruciating at times. It may take you years to develop mastery over your passions, but keep working at it and do not expect easy solutions.

Expecting easy and immediate solutions will only leave you disappointed and frustrated. Prayer is not magic.

Edit: get involved in serving others. Service will help draw you out of yourself into healthy relationships. Even if you are introvert, you can still serve others. We tend to idolize our own sins sometimes, especially sexual sins, because they seem very dramatic and shameful. Don’t idolize your sin. It is nothing in God’s mercy.

The devil’s lie is that you are unworthy for Christian activity because you are a sinner. Well, we are all sinners. Just accept the Lord’s love and follow, sin and all.

 

[RolandThompsonGunner]

If you fall, well then you fall and it’s not the end of the world and there is nothing wrong with you for giving in.

It’s important to remember that while masturbation is a sin, it’s an incredibly common one. Virtually everyone has had to confess this from time to time.
If you fail, don’t beat yourself up and think of yourself as uniquely sinful.

 

[japhy]

Another thing is self-mortification. End your shower with cold water praying three hail Mary’s. Eat less than you want on a meal. Do little acts of sacrifice and it trains you to deny yourself. Then you will be stronger to deny yourself much stronger sexual temptations.

One thing I would recommend, re: self-mortification, is this: do not fall into the trap of excessive self-mortification so that you weaken your body, and thus your resolve, and become more susceptible to the temptations that you sought to avoid.

We are not all Jesus, capable of fasting forty days and nights and then resisting three well-directed temptations by Satan. Self-mortification is a means, not an end, and you must be careful not to let it weaken that part of you which needs to be strong to resist sexual temptation.

I say this from experience.