Struggling with my anger towards my mother

[chi]

I didn’t want to put this in the parenting section, because I am not a parent and so I didn’t think it would fit there. If this belongs in another section of the website though, I apologize.

My mother left my family when I was in high school, she “tries” to maintain contact with me but I don’t speak to her because she is not mentally sane, and she is still abusive. If I were to have contact with her it would just be unhealthy for me, because the nature of the relationship is abusive. I just want to make the point clear that its not a repairable relationship, it is an outlier, If I were to go in depth in the details you would probably cry because that is how sad of a story my childhood was when she was around.

Anyway, she took with her when she left a lot of valuables that were in the house. One of those valuables was the crucifix necklace that was given to me by my grandparents when I had my first communion. When I was in high school I was angry about it and wanted it back mostly for selfish and greedy reasons (it is made of gold, in high school I had no connection to my faith and would probably have sold it to buy something else I wanted at the time). So undoubtedly my desire and feelings about the necklace were completely for the wrong reasons. However, now I am 21 and going into 3rd year of university. I study philosophy in uni, and that lead me to rediscover Catholicism through that perspective. I am a practicing catholic now and I have a new found desire for that necklace. I feel like I am connected to it, and I feel like I need it. I feel angry at my mother for leaving, and for taking things that dont belong to her. But at the same time I feel disgusted with myself, like God doesnt care about that little chunk of gold, he cares what is in my mind, and what is in my mind is anger and resentment.

Should I forget about the necklace, because it is unimportant in the grand scheme of things? How can I forgive my mother for doing such horrible things to her own children?

 

[Tis_Bearself]

Speaking as a person who tends to be “thingy” myself, you are overattached to that necklace. It’s representing all kinds of things to you - your newfound connection to the faith, love of your grands and anger towards your mom. So you fixate on it.

As hard as it is, and I know it’s very hard because I also get so attached to things, you need to let that necklace go in your mind. Pretend you gave it to Jesus. Think of who might have it now if your mom sold it or gave it away, and pray for that person.

Forgiving your mom is a whole different and bigger can of worms, and if you came from a background of severe abuse, may require help from a mental health professional as well as spiritual guidance. It will not happen overnight. Continue to ask Jesus and the Holy Spirit for help and healing and go to Mass and Adoration regularly.

 

[0Scarlett_nidiyilii]

Family dysfunction hurts.
ray:t2:ray:t2:ray:t2: for you

 

[Reuben_J]

I feel sorry for what you had experienced with your mother. Just for your information, I have met lots of experiences like this where the mother/father left the family, and so on.

You have to forgive her because that is the right thing to do and we are commanded by God to forgive. More importantly by forgiving, you are releasing yourself from the trapping of unforgiveness which could only hurt you.

Perhaps one of a very important aspects in this is for you to realize that what your mother/father did was the intrigue of their adult lives, which has nothing to do with you and is beyond your control. One day, you will enter this stage of your life and hopefully you will not do it to your children. Usually you won’t because you have seen what your mother did and how it affected you, which you would not want to happen to your children.

As for the necklace/cross, yes, this had sentimental effect on you. If you can have it back, it would be meaningful to you but if you cannot, my advice is to let this go. The reason is there is not much you can do and beside we should not hold too much on sentimental value. Yes, it is difficult to let go but in this world everything will come to an end, one way or the other.

May God bless you.